Matt turned up at the studio as usual with his box of CD's and a vaguely sarcastic expression on his face. Matt likes to complain about the government, (but he is in no position to run for office.) I was ignoring him whilst busily imagining a world where Lassie is played by two midgets in a pantomime dog. That's when it hit me.: The two of us are like fire and ice and yet most of the time we get on pretty well. It works for us... so why not the whole programme. With this in mind we set about searching the universe for other unlikely/ungodly collaborations. you can listen to the results of our research by pressing...
PLAY
Really we should have looked at how badly the coalition is doing and known better. Now that I think about it, that might have been what Matt was bitching about.
Enough Jibber Jabber on with the
TRACK LISTINGS
'Take Me Home' by Phil Collins and Bone Thugz n' Harmony
The main problem with this episode becomes obvious as soon as this starts playing. Most of these tracks are major balls. At least 50% of the show is music, which means both Matt and I are going to have to be 50% less balls in our segments, in order to prevent ourselves from getting fired. a task we're sadly not up to.
'Where The Wild Roses Grow' by Nick Cave and Kyle Minogue
Kyle Minogue. Lust goblin of the parched and arid Outback. Picture her now being harassed by the ghost of Steve Irwin... Careful Steve... Go for the hair!!
Should you encounter Kyle in the wild, the important thing is to not look in her eyes... Don't let her get into your head, be aware that she can spin around at great speed, and that here bite has the force of a full speed locomotion.
'Cruising Together' Gwyneth Paltrow and Huey Lewis
Cruising, or kerb crawling as it is otherwise known is a popular way for celebrities to spice up their relationships. And a useful source of ghetto income.
'Go Ask Shakespeare' sung by Ruffus Wainright written by Burt Bacherach produced by Dr Dre
Man this track was dull... and typical of Ruffus's typically dull body of dull ass work. It doesn't help that it takes a full month to get going and that when it does it's difficult to tell that it has. 1 star. even though I picked it. Respect to Dre... who may or may not have been involved.
'The Justified Ancients of Moo Moo' by The KLF Featuring Tammy Winnette
Dr Dre certainly had F all to do with this track by the KLF. Originally called Ken Livingstone's Fish, the KLF brand of self-indulgent electro pop once offered a less camp alternative to the petshop boys. Those days are gone now as we have the Postal Service to fill that role. Still they were quite cool as people.
'Ebony and Ivory' by Paul Mcartney and Stevie Wonder
This is all I have to say about this.
'The Heart Gently Weeps' Wu Tang Clan feat. Dhani Harrison, Erykah Badu, John Frusciante
This track was the best one on the whole show and listening to it back it's not even that good. We don't even play the whole thing. What the hell is wrong with us. It really is only a matter of time before we get fired.
'Little Drummer Boy' Sung by David Bowie and Bing Crosby
'shit sandwich'
Merry Christmas everybody!
Bristol Community FM's Flagship Friday Night Music Show Fridays at 7pm on 93.2fm
Wednesday 22 December 2010
Tuesday 14 December 2010
38: Whistling Dixie
Right now on a dark matter planet bouncing around in the Alpha-Centaurian star system a pair of young lovers are lying together in the back of a flat bed truck looking up at the night sky. The boy, who knows a little bit about astronomy, points to one of their brightest stars. He tells his girl about that little yellow sun, he tells her that that despite it's small size, it meagre gravity clings to a number of planets and that one of those planets is not to hot and not too cold and that maybe, just maybe, there's a strange man with a charity moustache living on that planet and writing the story of their love on the internet.
The two of them look at our sun in silence... Then the boy begins to whistle while the girl accompanies him on the Ukulele, for on the goldilocks planet of Alpha Centauri, this is how baby's are made.
Join us now in praising the space-baby by clicking on the link provided...
PLAY
TRACK LISTINGS
'Me and Julio Down by The School Yard' performed by Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies, originally by Paul Simon
It is well known that the Space Baby loves Whistlin' Whittlin' and Whishin'. He hates Fistin' Fishin' Fission. Which is understandable really.
'Centerfold' by the J. Geils Band
It's a little known fact that Matt Setback was raised by whales. Having been abandoned at sea by irresponsible pirates, these majestic kings of the sea took pity on him and allowed him to suckle their nourishing blubbery milk. Matt grew stronger as the years went by, but always wondered why he was smaller and less aerodynamic than the other kids. Then he came across a copy of playboy took one look at the centrefold and realised there had been some kind of a mix up.
'Mary Melody' by the Mad Caddies
Neither Matt nor myself can whistle. We are in awe of those that can. I am also impressed by people that can pick up girls in bars, do proper handbrake turns and, of course, park their cars in really tight spaces.
'Coming Home, Left my Broken Heart in Carolina' by Weezer
(Yes this song really is by Weezer)
'Sitting on the Dock of the Bay' Performed by Pearl Jam, originally by Otis Reading
Otis Reading originally planned to write lyrics for the whistling section of this song, but sadly he died in a plane crash before he got the chance. I like to imagine that perhaps, he got the inspiration he was looking for just moments before his plane went down. I like to imagine that they were scribbled on a napkin that once the explosions were over eventually floated down to earth and became the inspiration for this song.
'Young Folks' by Peter, Byorn and John
I like this version of this song, but sadly it doesn't have any whistling in it. Matt seems convinced that this song, 'was only written so that it could be on an advert' I think that in his thick skinned baleen cynicism he has seriously missed out on the basic truth of artistic endeavour. No one thinks that way Matt. People make music they love. Some tracks end up on adverts. This is the way of things.
'My Girlfriends Dead' by the Vandals
The Vandals were an East Germanic tribe that entered the late Roman Empire during the 5th century, perhaps best known for their sack of Rome in 455. Although they were not notably more destructive than other invaders of ancient times, Renaissance and Early Modern writers who idealized Rome tended to blame the Vandals for its destruction. This led to the coinage of "vandalism", meaning senseless destruction, particularly the defacing of artworks that were completed with great effort.
'Always Look on the Bright Side of Life' by Monty Python
Philosophical pessimism is the similar but not identical idea that life has a negative value, or that this world is as bad as it could possibly be. Pessimism is not a disposition as the term commonly connotes. Instead, it is a cogent philosophy that directly challenges the notion of progress and what may be considered the faith-based claims of optimism. Still, mustn't grumble.
Goodnight!
Monday 6 December 2010
37: Amature Hour
What if for just one year, soap operas stopped presenting Christmas as some kind of hellish festival of domestic violence and inter-familiar aggression? what if they decided to do Christmas like the movies do it? Why not have a character we are all rooting for face insurmountable odds and overcome them, armed with nothing but the miracle of human kindness?
Could not a child make a wish? Could that wish not come true..? Could I please be that child?
If I was in charge of Eastenders, all the dogs would talk and every twenty minutes the humans would burst into song.
Sadly I'm not in charge of Eastenders...
Instead I chose to waste my life by working for a living and co-hosting (for free) a radio show that precludes me from ever getting a proper job in broadcasting. If you want to listen to this latest career mistake then click...
Here
TRACK LISTINGS
'Rent a Cop' By Ben Folds
At the age of 26, I defeated 10'000 applicants to get myself an interview for a trainee writer position for BBC Teens. If I had got that job I would have moved to London, would have excelled as a writer and would probably have my own series by now. Sadly I got crazy nervous and badly screwed up the interview. Oddly enough I still believed I had done pretty well all things considered and that it was just a matter of time before my obvious talent was discovered.
'Miles Davis and the Cool' by Gas Light Anthem
A little later on I got another interview for a job as a development researcher for television drama. Had I got that job I would have spent all day reading scripts, assessing them for feasibility and artistic merit. I would be an expert in commissioning television drama by now and would have a healthy bank balance and a back-catalogue of my own commissioned work to boot.
I stupidly told the interview panel I had 'no idea about broadcasting guidelines, but learn things really really fast'. They gave the job to a guy with one arm. I couldn't really argue with that.
'Lullaby (Divorce Song)' by Steven Lynch
By now I actually do have a back catalogue, but mostly it's of half formed ideas on scraps of note paper, and word documents with weird names that I don't really remember writing. That and a pile of failed application forms and cover letters to agents, production companies and magazines that either never got back to me or replied in the negative. I'm still not totally sure what I'm doing wrong.
'Christina, She Don't Know That I Exist' by Street Light Manifesto
I have had some mild success... I've had a couple of stories read on Radio 4... I've written a few scripts. One of them got through to the second round of the writers room. That was a bitter sweet email of feedback... I haven't written another script since I got that letter. I'm not really sure why.
'C.R.E.A.M (Cash Rules Everything Around Me)' by The Wu Tang Clan
I spend a lot of my time working to get money. I spend a lot of my money travelling to get to work. It's a crazy situation but there just doesn't seem to be any way out of it. Just one of those things I guess. Still at least I have a Job.
'Justified Black Eye' by No Use For a Name
Every year I set myself goals, then I blink and it's over and I'm another year older and I still haven't written that novel. I'm 31 now. I cried a lot around my birthday. I cried over movies, I cried over songs in the car... I cried about everything.
'Old School' by DangerDoom
So maybe I'm not the genius I thought I was when I was at Uni. Maybe I'm one of those failed ass writers I used to laugh and point at. 'I'll never be like you' I said... 'I'm too fucking talented, too full of ideas'. Perhaps it would be closer to the truth to say I am too lazy and too easily distracted to make it in the real world. I guess the important this is not to be bitter about the whole thing.
Today's Empires, Tomorrow's Ashes' by Propergandhi
There must be more of me out there. A legion of also-rans with a draw full of scripts and a few short films bouncing around on their hard-drives and taking up space. There must be a billion stubble-faced 30 somethings bitching lyrical about their bum luck on some blog that nobody reads.
Sometimes at night I can hear them all shuffling to refrigerator for a late night stack, getting slowly fatter and wondering where it all went wrong.
Maybe we should start some sort of club.
A support group maybe...
With a witty name.
Maybe not.
This year, for Christmas I'm not writing any goals. This year I'm just asking for a miracle.
Could not a child make a wish? Could that wish not come true..? Could I please be that child?
If I was in charge of Eastenders, all the dogs would talk and every twenty minutes the humans would burst into song.
Sadly I'm not in charge of Eastenders...
Instead I chose to waste my life by working for a living and co-hosting (for free) a radio show that precludes me from ever getting a proper job in broadcasting. If you want to listen to this latest career mistake then click...
Here
TRACK LISTINGS
'Rent a Cop' By Ben Folds
At the age of 26, I defeated 10'000 applicants to get myself an interview for a trainee writer position for BBC Teens. If I had got that job I would have moved to London, would have excelled as a writer and would probably have my own series by now. Sadly I got crazy nervous and badly screwed up the interview. Oddly enough I still believed I had done pretty well all things considered and that it was just a matter of time before my obvious talent was discovered.
'Miles Davis and the Cool' by Gas Light Anthem
A little later on I got another interview for a job as a development researcher for television drama. Had I got that job I would have spent all day reading scripts, assessing them for feasibility and artistic merit. I would be an expert in commissioning television drama by now and would have a healthy bank balance and a back-catalogue of my own commissioned work to boot.
I stupidly told the interview panel I had 'no idea about broadcasting guidelines, but learn things really really fast'. They gave the job to a guy with one arm. I couldn't really argue with that.
'Lullaby (Divorce Song)' by Steven Lynch
By now I actually do have a back catalogue, but mostly it's of half formed ideas on scraps of note paper, and word documents with weird names that I don't really remember writing. That and a pile of failed application forms and cover letters to agents, production companies and magazines that either never got back to me or replied in the negative. I'm still not totally sure what I'm doing wrong.
'Christina, She Don't Know That I Exist' by Street Light Manifesto
I have had some mild success... I've had a couple of stories read on Radio 4... I've written a few scripts. One of them got through to the second round of the writers room. That was a bitter sweet email of feedback... I haven't written another script since I got that letter. I'm not really sure why.
'C.R.E.A.M (Cash Rules Everything Around Me)' by The Wu Tang Clan
I spend a lot of my time working to get money. I spend a lot of my money travelling to get to work. It's a crazy situation but there just doesn't seem to be any way out of it. Just one of those things I guess. Still at least I have a Job.
'Justified Black Eye' by No Use For a Name
Every year I set myself goals, then I blink and it's over and I'm another year older and I still haven't written that novel. I'm 31 now. I cried a lot around my birthday. I cried over movies, I cried over songs in the car... I cried about everything.
'Old School' by DangerDoom
So maybe I'm not the genius I thought I was when I was at Uni. Maybe I'm one of those failed ass writers I used to laugh and point at. 'I'll never be like you' I said... 'I'm too fucking talented, too full of ideas'. Perhaps it would be closer to the truth to say I am too lazy and too easily distracted to make it in the real world. I guess the important this is not to be bitter about the whole thing.
Today's Empires, Tomorrow's Ashes' by Propergandhi
There must be more of me out there. A legion of also-rans with a draw full of scripts and a few short films bouncing around on their hard-drives and taking up space. There must be a billion stubble-faced 30 somethings bitching lyrical about their bum luck on some blog that nobody reads.
Sometimes at night I can hear them all shuffling to refrigerator for a late night stack, getting slowly fatter and wondering where it all went wrong.
Maybe we should start some sort of club.
A support group maybe...
With a witty name.
Maybe not.
This year, for Christmas I'm not writing any goals. This year I'm just asking for a miracle.
Monday 29 November 2010
36: Hello I wuv you, wont you tell me your name....
We open this episode with some life/mine-craft advice... listen carefully because it might just change your life, both spiritually and sexually.
If you have an hour or so to waste (either now or in the future) you can right click on the word HERE below, and then 'Save-As' to your hard drive then you can treat this program like any other pod-cast.
Here
Or you can left click on it and it will stream in the background while you mindlessly search the internet for porn.
Ask yourself...
what is it you're really looking for?
TRACK LISTINGS
'Under-tow' by War Paint
My wife. She hates war. She loves painting. She claims to love this band. So we are playing this for her.
The under-tow is a hidden current, an invisible force that pulls swimmers from the shallow world of the beach into the cold and frightening depths of the ocean. Sometimes known as the Under-toad, it's amphibious force can sometime be felt metaphorically in your life. Choose to kick against it. or let it pull you out to sea. The choice is yours.
'Rookie' by Boy Sets Fire
Is there an innate sense of justice in the world? Some exterior power that seeks to redress the balance when things go wrong? I'm talking about a universal Ethic existing beyond the judgement and understanding of the individual. perhaps it is a manifestation of some kind of Meta-Conciousness, a collective unconscious field of sentient energy that is both created by and manipulates our behaviour on a day to day basis... What ever you think about it. I've got my t-shirt back. (Men's T-Shirt Blue)
'Not the Same' by Ben Folds
To anyone who hasn't done it yet I advise you to look deep inside yourself and find God. I mean this in a strictly non-denominational way. It doesn't even have to be mono-theistic. Feel free to be poly theistic. Bow down to the Genius Loci if the mood takes you. but find something to believe in what ever you do... even if it's just for the weekend.
'Stay to Long' By Plan B
Northern Soul. Some people view religion as some kind of celestial pension... or insurance policy. Maybe they are right but... It doest really ring true with me.
The other day my car broke down and we ended up sat in this hotel just off the M25. There was this religious conference going on in one of the convention rooms. A woman outside selling leaflets and other merchandise told me that while she had a personal relationship with a higher power, she didn't go to church. I left her standing there alone. It was my turn to use the 20 minutes of free broadband. I used it to change my Facebook status to 'My car is broken down- Pray for me.'
About two hours later the AA managed to fix it.
'Generator above Second Floor' by Freelance Whales
Imagine you are standing on a sea of letters, shifting like water from where you are standing all the way out to the horizon. You step forward and pick up a hand-full. Each address written in the same scrawling hand. Your name and Address, your middle name replaced with "The Arsehole". Your eye is drawn to the stamps; every one a silhouette of your face, postmarked from all over the world. a shadow falls across the sun making you look up. Towering above you is a tidal wave of hatemail. It is about to break. As the weight comes down, you reach out and touch faith.
'Young, Dumb and Stung' by Say Anything
How can we learn to come to terms with mortality if we are never able to experience even a moments worth of Death. Hard as I try I cannot even imagine it. I know a couple of people who claim yo have peeked thought the door. Humans whose hearts have stopped and then been started again by the powers of modern Medicine. When I asked them what it was like they told me that it was difficult to explain.
How can the world end today when it's already tomorrow in Australia?
'Steel Beast Defeated' by Fu Manchu
I was trying to think of something to put in this 'Track Description' when the phone rang. I didn't recognise the number. She wanted to book a table for four. I told her that this wasn't a restaurant, this was my house. She apologised.
I guess everybody gets things wrong sometimes.
'Holiday' by The Get Up Kids
Holiday. Holy Day. Every day is Holy. Even those you choose to spend in bed.
Good Night.
If you have an hour or so to waste (either now or in the future) you can right click on the word HERE below, and then 'Save-As' to your hard drive then you can treat this program like any other pod-cast.
Here
Or you can left click on it and it will stream in the background while you mindlessly search the internet for porn.
Ask yourself...
what is it you're really looking for?
TRACK LISTINGS
'Under-tow' by War Paint
My wife. She hates war. She loves painting. She claims to love this band. So we are playing this for her.
The under-tow is a hidden current, an invisible force that pulls swimmers from the shallow world of the beach into the cold and frightening depths of the ocean. Sometimes known as the Under-toad, it's amphibious force can sometime be felt metaphorically in your life. Choose to kick against it. or let it pull you out to sea. The choice is yours.
'Rookie' by Boy Sets Fire
Is there an innate sense of justice in the world? Some exterior power that seeks to redress the balance when things go wrong? I'm talking about a universal Ethic existing beyond the judgement and understanding of the individual. perhaps it is a manifestation of some kind of Meta-Conciousness, a collective unconscious field of sentient energy that is both created by and manipulates our behaviour on a day to day basis... What ever you think about it. I've got my t-shirt back. (Men's T-Shirt Blue)
'Not the Same' by Ben Folds
To anyone who hasn't done it yet I advise you to look deep inside yourself and find God. I mean this in a strictly non-denominational way. It doesn't even have to be mono-theistic. Feel free to be poly theistic. Bow down to the Genius Loci if the mood takes you. but find something to believe in what ever you do... even if it's just for the weekend.
'Stay to Long' By Plan B
Northern Soul. Some people view religion as some kind of celestial pension... or insurance policy. Maybe they are right but... It doest really ring true with me.
The other day my car broke down and we ended up sat in this hotel just off the M25. There was this religious conference going on in one of the convention rooms. A woman outside selling leaflets and other merchandise told me that while she had a personal relationship with a higher power, she didn't go to church. I left her standing there alone. It was my turn to use the 20 minutes of free broadband. I used it to change my Facebook status to 'My car is broken down- Pray for me.'
About two hours later the AA managed to fix it.
'Generator above Second Floor' by Freelance Whales
Imagine you are standing on a sea of letters, shifting like water from where you are standing all the way out to the horizon. You step forward and pick up a hand-full. Each address written in the same scrawling hand. Your name and Address, your middle name replaced with "The Arsehole". Your eye is drawn to the stamps; every one a silhouette of your face, postmarked from all over the world. a shadow falls across the sun making you look up. Towering above you is a tidal wave of hatemail. It is about to break. As the weight comes down, you reach out and touch faith.
'Young, Dumb and Stung' by Say Anything
How can we learn to come to terms with mortality if we are never able to experience even a moments worth of Death. Hard as I try I cannot even imagine it. I know a couple of people who claim yo have peeked thought the door. Humans whose hearts have stopped and then been started again by the powers of modern Medicine. When I asked them what it was like they told me that it was difficult to explain.
How can the world end today when it's already tomorrow in Australia?
'Steel Beast Defeated' by Fu Manchu
I was trying to think of something to put in this 'Track Description' when the phone rang. I didn't recognise the number. She wanted to book a table for four. I told her that this wasn't a restaurant, this was my house. She apologised.
I guess everybody gets things wrong sometimes.
'Holiday' by The Get Up Kids
Holiday. Holy Day. Every day is Holy. Even those you choose to spend in bed.
Good Night.
Monday 22 November 2010
35: The Self Indulgent Special
When you start listening to this episode you will realise why I might have waited a while before unleasing it upon our small but devoted fan base.... (Glen)
This was a failed experiment in radio broadcasting, possibly a subconscious attempt to get taken off the air. My wife calls it "a cry for help." Bad for the eyesight good for the colon: it is the Self Indulgent Special which you can listen to...
here
I apologise for the lack of quality in this weeks write up... but I have a lot of things I'm meant to be doing so I'm just going to bash this one out as quickly as possible.
Track Listings
"I Touch Myself" Performed by Rolf Harris (originally by Divynals)
I'm sorry... I'm so so sorry.
Someone told me that their mum was listining to the radio when this came on.
When bad things happen to be from now on I will know it was becuase I played this recording of a much loved Australian children's entertainer tickling his old fella. And not because I once called the police on a bunch of teenager who were holding an orgy in a railway tunnel.
"Waggy" By Blink 182
The number 182 referes to the the average number of strokes required to become mechanically aroused without the use of any other stimulous. This was tested in 1982 in an isolation tank in California with a research pool of seven hundred body-builders and one nineteen year old nurse.
"Long View" by Greenday
Once when I was a thirteen I went to the dentist to have filling replaced, she was wearing a blue shirt. At one point she had to put her knee up on the chair to get a better angle to drill on my tooth. Because of the way the cloth folded I got clean line of sight between the buttons into the valley of her cleavage. Ever since then the sound of a dentist's drill still wakes me up at night.
"Why Bother" by Weezer
Girl Pirates on the high seas of the Caribbean would sometimes expose their breasts in the midst of battle. It is said that the sea air and active lifestyle made them so exquisite as to render any full blooded male enamoured to the point of paralysis by their warm and succulent proximity. one by one the armys of the world succumbed and died with with a smile on their face and rapiers blade hilt deep in their flesh. So it was that the Caribbean became a world power it is to day.
"Wow I Can Get Sexual Too" by Say Anything.
A Summer's day... a softly vibrating vehicle. Gear-stick throbbing in your hand. Some girl in a Fiat Punto with a businesslike haircut avoiding your eye contact. She is four feet and two sheets of glass away but you can feel the chemistry. Then the lights change and you never see her again.
"Paulina" by No Doubt
Gwen Stefani. Baywatch. Loaded Magazine. The naked swimming scene in "Walkabout". Any French film on Channel Four. Enormous Boobs
"Fourteen" by The Vandals
When I was fourteen the internet didn't really exist as we know it today. There was no streaming video only grainy one minute clips that could not be previewed and often took over an hour download. Deep in the the dead of night even still images could take a full minutes to slowly resolve in-front of my eager adolescent eyes. Quite frankly it was impractical, also the dial up modems made a lot of noise and tended to give me away.
"Leave it Alone" by No FX
Sometimes I think about what it will be like to be in an old people's home. I like to think that I'll still have my hair and as long as I can stay thin I reckon I'll still be quite a good looking for an octogenarian. I reckon if I live pretty cleanly then I can outlive the majority of my sexual competition and it will be a full on hump-fest!!
"The Greatest Love of All" by Whitney Houston
Learning to love yourself, is the greatest love of all. The French have several words for love. If this had been true of English this song might have made a lot more sense.
Goodnight everyone.
;)
This was a failed experiment in radio broadcasting, possibly a subconscious attempt to get taken off the air. My wife calls it "a cry for help." Bad for the eyesight good for the colon: it is the Self Indulgent Special which you can listen to...
here
I apologise for the lack of quality in this weeks write up... but I have a lot of things I'm meant to be doing so I'm just going to bash this one out as quickly as possible.
Track Listings
"I Touch Myself" Performed by Rolf Harris (originally by Divynals)
I'm sorry... I'm so so sorry.
Someone told me that their mum was listining to the radio when this came on.
When bad things happen to be from now on I will know it was becuase I played this recording of a much loved Australian children's entertainer tickling his old fella. And not because I once called the police on a bunch of teenager who were holding an orgy in a railway tunnel.
"Waggy" By Blink 182
The number 182 referes to the the average number of strokes required to become mechanically aroused without the use of any other stimulous. This was tested in 1982 in an isolation tank in California with a research pool of seven hundred body-builders and one nineteen year old nurse.
"Long View" by Greenday
Once when I was a thirteen I went to the dentist to have filling replaced, she was wearing a blue shirt. At one point she had to put her knee up on the chair to get a better angle to drill on my tooth. Because of the way the cloth folded I got clean line of sight between the buttons into the valley of her cleavage. Ever since then the sound of a dentist's drill still wakes me up at night.
"Why Bother" by Weezer
Girl Pirates on the high seas of the Caribbean would sometimes expose their breasts in the midst of battle. It is said that the sea air and active lifestyle made them so exquisite as to render any full blooded male enamoured to the point of paralysis by their warm and succulent proximity. one by one the armys of the world succumbed and died with with a smile on their face and rapiers blade hilt deep in their flesh. So it was that the Caribbean became a world power it is to day.
"Wow I Can Get Sexual Too" by Say Anything.
A Summer's day... a softly vibrating vehicle. Gear-stick throbbing in your hand. Some girl in a Fiat Punto with a businesslike haircut avoiding your eye contact. She is four feet and two sheets of glass away but you can feel the chemistry. Then the lights change and you never see her again.
"Paulina" by No Doubt
Gwen Stefani. Baywatch. Loaded Magazine. The naked swimming scene in "Walkabout". Any French film on Channel Four. Enormous Boobs
"Fourteen" by The Vandals
When I was fourteen the internet didn't really exist as we know it today. There was no streaming video only grainy one minute clips that could not be previewed and often took over an hour download. Deep in the the dead of night even still images could take a full minutes to slowly resolve in-front of my eager adolescent eyes. Quite frankly it was impractical, also the dial up modems made a lot of noise and tended to give me away.
"Leave it Alone" by No FX
Sometimes I think about what it will be like to be in an old people's home. I like to think that I'll still have my hair and as long as I can stay thin I reckon I'll still be quite a good looking for an octogenarian. I reckon if I live pretty cleanly then I can outlive the majority of my sexual competition and it will be a full on hump-fest!!
"The Greatest Love of All" by Whitney Houston
Learning to love yourself, is the greatest love of all. The French have several words for love. If this had been true of English this song might have made a lot more sense.
Goodnight everyone.
;)
Wednesday 27 October 2010
34: The banana in your Tail Pipe Special
In the car on the way to the studio I said to Matt that I had not realised the metaphorical significance of the Banana in the Tail Pipe joke in the Beverly Hils Cop film. (much loved but now forgotten classic of the 1980s childhood) and he admitted to me that it was indeed a revelation to him. So we started the show with it.
A show you can listen to
Here
We do actually have another theme... or at least I do, but more about that in the...
Track listings
'Dann's Old Friend Dave is a Tool/ Don't let her pull you down' by A New Found Glory
I have a few friends call Dave. None of them are "tools". I especially like Big Dave who got drunk at my wedding, threw up a lot and then passed out in the long grass. Also Dave the Librarian who writes stories about Joan of Arc and takes girls to Gay Bars when they are feeling down. Finally there is Dave the Doctor, he was kind of a tool when we were teens I guess but he has a beard now which has to count for something.
'Brand New Colony' The Postal Service
I think we have played this before so I am just going to seek out what wrote last time and insert it here as a quote. I sure it will be pure gold... I'm wrong we haven't. This is embarrassing. Um... does anyone want any more potato chips? Hey err... why don't we play twister?
'She Found You' by Sam I Am.
When I went to school I had a friend called Sam. We were good buddies for years. Towards the end of my time at that school I started getting bullied pretty bad and Sam never stood up for me. Infact he kind of ditched me and joined in with the bullies. This ones for you traitor, I will never forgive you.
'Dime' by Cake
Cake. Possible the best and most underrated band in history. There they are pumping classic tracks in to obscurity while you the public are dishing out your hard earned credit to fill the local landfill with a billion plastic renditions of 'hit me baby one more time' be ashamed of yourselves you sick ass horny bastards.
'Alive with the Glory of Love' Say Anything
During the build up to this song I had no idea how good this was going to be. I think it may now be my current favourite song. After the one about the monkey riding the pig of course... and the theme tune to Happy Days... Still it's up there though, definitely top ten.
"Blue Picasso" Peter, Bjorn and John
Matt's thoughts on this track, take the form of a jingle advertising the community radio station that is fool enough to broadcast us every Friday Night at 8pm. 93.2
'Babylon' by Skindred
I don't know about you, but I've been babbling on all night...
'Hat and Feet' by Fountains of Wayne
I am at work right now. I've been here since 8am. I'm not going to leave the building till midnight. I know exactly how this dude feels.
Goodnight.
A show you can listen to
Here
We do actually have another theme... or at least I do, but more about that in the...
Track listings
'Dann's Old Friend Dave is a Tool/ Don't let her pull you down' by A New Found Glory
I have a few friends call Dave. None of them are "tools". I especially like Big Dave who got drunk at my wedding, threw up a lot and then passed out in the long grass. Also Dave the Librarian who writes stories about Joan of Arc and takes girls to Gay Bars when they are feeling down. Finally there is Dave the Doctor, he was kind of a tool when we were teens I guess but he has a beard now which has to count for something.
'Brand New Colony' The Postal Service
I think we have played this before so I am just going to seek out what wrote last time and insert it here as a quote. I sure it will be pure gold... I'm wrong we haven't. This is embarrassing. Um... does anyone want any more potato chips? Hey err... why don't we play twister?
'She Found You' by Sam I Am.
When I went to school I had a friend called Sam. We were good buddies for years. Towards the end of my time at that school I started getting bullied pretty bad and Sam never stood up for me. Infact he kind of ditched me and joined in with the bullies. This ones for you traitor, I will never forgive you.
'Dime' by Cake
Cake. Possible the best and most underrated band in history. There they are pumping classic tracks in to obscurity while you the public are dishing out your hard earned credit to fill the local landfill with a billion plastic renditions of 'hit me baby one more time' be ashamed of yourselves you sick ass horny bastards.
'Alive with the Glory of Love' Say Anything
During the build up to this song I had no idea how good this was going to be. I think it may now be my current favourite song. After the one about the monkey riding the pig of course... and the theme tune to Happy Days... Still it's up there though, definitely top ten.
"Blue Picasso" Peter, Bjorn and John
Matt's thoughts on this track, take the form of a jingle advertising the community radio station that is fool enough to broadcast us every Friday Night at 8pm. 93.2
'Babylon' by Skindred
I don't know about you, but I've been babbling on all night...
'Hat and Feet' by Fountains of Wayne
I am at work right now. I've been here since 8am. I'm not going to leave the building till midnight. I know exactly how this dude feels.
Goodnight.
Sunday 24 October 2010
33 It's My Bris and I'll cry if i want to.
The week that this episodes aired a festival was thrown in our home town (Bristol UK) called BrisFest.
This is what a Bris is. I hope that makes things horrifically clear.
Anyway you can listen to this long awaited episode...
HERE
TRACK LISTINGS
'Beat it' by Pomplamoose (originally by Michael Jackson)
In the immortal words of Me first and the Gimme Gimmes, this next song's a cover... I am playing you-tube sensation, Pomplamoose for the same reason I play any track on this show: I quite fancy the lead singer. Good eyes... nice hair... talented.
'Chips Ahoy' by the Holdsteady
One of the few bands that Matt and I agree on as being pretty awesome. In the Video to this track the lead singer is like a cross between Elvis Costello and Will Farrell in Anchorman. You have to admit that's pretty hot by anyone's standards.
Did you realise that Anchorman is essentially a remake of "The China Syndrome" with Jane Fonda? Did you realise that they totally took jokes from/paid tribute to the awesome "Drop the Dead Donkey?" neither did I until I saw it with my own eyes.
'Peanuts' by Tindersticks
Not the cartoon I don't think but the Nut... which apparently isn't a true nut or something? I think it might be a seed or a bean or something. I have no idea really. They grow underground apparently. Like Goths, Orks and Plump Helmet.
'Cosmopolitan Blood Loss' by Glassjaw
"I feel cold Johnny... So cold"
"Just hold on, your gonna be fine, the medic is on the way and he's gonna fix you up real good I promise"
"Read to me Johnny... read to me from the list of 100 sex tips I need to know... please Jonny... I don't... I don't think I got long left to live."
DANN'S SIXTH FORM SONG
'Girl Like You' Edwynn Collins
I don't know about you but I've never met a girl like this before. I'm not sure I want to either though.
I went to school with a lot of girls. When I play this song I want them to know that this one is dedicated to all of them; individually and collectively and especially to those that let me touch their passionate areas.
'Get Better' Dan Le Sack vs Scroobius Pip
Hey! Pip and Sack, yeah I'm talking to you... While it was a good idea to 'Imagine' the song you describe you have failed to actually write it. I don't need your creepy-priest-like advice; Ice T told me how to get out of the Ghetto. I have another question! Better at what Scroobius? Animal Communication? Car Jacking? Knife Fighting? Did I say Animal Communication?
In the songs defence... My wife likes this track, and she is much smarter than I am.
'Nighty Night' by Jenny Owens Young
This should be the last track we play as by the time it's finished you should all be asleep. Then I will snap my fingers and you will all wake up naked at an orgy in Matts "Entertainment Room" 'Welcome to the party' I will say, and then the real fun will begin.
'Admit It' by Say Anything
I guess this is the first time we play anything by Say Anything, but trust me we will be playing a lot of this as Matt gets lazier and lazier in his quest for new music.
I've had enough of this, I'm going to the bidet.
This is what a Bris is. I hope that makes things horrifically clear.
Anyway you can listen to this long awaited episode...
HERE
TRACK LISTINGS
'Beat it' by Pomplamoose (originally by Michael Jackson)
In the immortal words of Me first and the Gimme Gimmes, this next song's a cover... I am playing you-tube sensation, Pomplamoose for the same reason I play any track on this show: I quite fancy the lead singer. Good eyes... nice hair... talented.
'Chips Ahoy' by the Holdsteady
One of the few bands that Matt and I agree on as being pretty awesome. In the Video to this track the lead singer is like a cross between Elvis Costello and Will Farrell in Anchorman. You have to admit that's pretty hot by anyone's standards.
Did you realise that Anchorman is essentially a remake of "The China Syndrome" with Jane Fonda? Did you realise that they totally took jokes from/paid tribute to the awesome "Drop the Dead Donkey?" neither did I until I saw it with my own eyes.
'Peanuts' by Tindersticks
Not the cartoon I don't think but the Nut... which apparently isn't a true nut or something? I think it might be a seed or a bean or something. I have no idea really. They grow underground apparently. Like Goths, Orks and Plump Helmet.
'Cosmopolitan Blood Loss' by Glassjaw
"I feel cold Johnny... So cold"
"Just hold on, your gonna be fine, the medic is on the way and he's gonna fix you up real good I promise"
"Read to me Johnny... read to me from the list of 100 sex tips I need to know... please Jonny... I don't... I don't think I got long left to live."
DANN'S SIXTH FORM SONG
'Girl Like You' Edwynn Collins
I don't know about you but I've never met a girl like this before. I'm not sure I want to either though.
I went to school with a lot of girls. When I play this song I want them to know that this one is dedicated to all of them; individually and collectively and especially to those that let me touch their passionate areas.
'Get Better' Dan Le Sack vs Scroobius Pip
Hey! Pip and Sack, yeah I'm talking to you... While it was a good idea to 'Imagine' the song you describe you have failed to actually write it. I don't need your creepy-priest-like advice; Ice T told me how to get out of the Ghetto. I have another question! Better at what Scroobius? Animal Communication? Car Jacking? Knife Fighting? Did I say Animal Communication?
In the songs defence... My wife likes this track, and she is much smarter than I am.
'Nighty Night' by Jenny Owens Young
This should be the last track we play as by the time it's finished you should all be asleep. Then I will snap my fingers and you will all wake up naked at an orgy in Matts "Entertainment Room" 'Welcome to the party' I will say, and then the real fun will begin.
'Admit It' by Say Anything
I guess this is the first time we play anything by Say Anything, but trust me we will be playing a lot of this as Matt gets lazier and lazier in his quest for new music.
I've had enough of this, I'm going to the bidet.
Monday 27 September 2010
32: The Blackholes of Texus
What do you want to talk about. I want to talk about the Large Haydron Collider. Sadly neither of us is professor Brian Cox. Unless, like, through some weird quirk of fate Brian Cox is reading this. In which case... Hello Brian, welcome to the Erotic Toast Project... this must be pretty weird for you. Thanks for tuning in.
You can listen to this episode
Here
I'm not going to talk about the large Haydron Collider... Apparently I'm just going to go off on a massive rant about post-modernism that ultimately does little but expand upon the lyrics to Earth Song by the late Michael Jackson.
TRACK LISTINGS
'I Want So Hard' by The Eagles of Deathmetal
One of the well publicised but totally unattempted problems of post modernity is Drama school culture. The view that we have been brainwashed into believing that Wanting and Working are synonymous that if we want it hard enough we can have it. I don't think that people actually think this. I think we all work really hard. There is just a lot of people who want to be entertainment superstars.
'It Don't Move Me' by Peter, Bjorn and John.
The reason is this... we used to have progress we could believe in. We did things for the greater good, to work towards 'an end to war/poverty/disease'. We believed that these were both achievable and desirable goals and people were happy to be part of that. We made predictions of what was to come like Star Trek and all those adverts for the future with the assured sounding Mid-Western narrators that told us about flying cars and push button homes. Most of us didn't need or want to be on telly then... we were happy to be a small but vital cog in the benevolent machine of progress. Sadly we lost faith in this machine.
'Palo Alto' by Radiohead
Here's part of the reason why: progress was too successful for it's own good. Like a particle gaining mass as it approaches the speed of light, as we got closer and closer to achieving the goals we set ourselves, we found that our partial success had caused yet more complex and dangerous problems. Victory over disease leads to massive global overpopulation, progress of science leads to nuclear weapons, the war on poverty and 'inconvenience' leads to horrifying environmental consequences...
Casimir Pulaski Day by Sufjan Stevens
Here's another reason why: In order for us to make 'Progress' we had to abandon what we had before, which was knowledge passed down from the past. Where we had faith in our elders, our traditions and ultimately an immortal god that had been there since the very beginning, in its place we had empirical scientific analysis in all areas of human life and faith in new knowledge and a brighter future. People miss the things they have had to give up along the way, the morality, authority and sense of community. They feel that they are missing something from there lives... disrespecting those that went before. Dancing on their grandparent graves if you will.
'Pantera Fans in Love' by Nerf Herder
As faith in the great machine of progress collapses, people are not only not content that they are living worthwhile lives just by taking part, but actively feel bad about taking part at all. In to the world comes the creeping feeling that by working for, or investing in, big oil or some other massively corporate entity you are similar to a pre-second world war German, passively collaborating in some horrific and evil crime against nature.
DANN'S SIXTH FORM SONG
'1979' By Smashing Pumpkins
Some rage against the system that pays either their wages or their dole cheque. They fight for any cause that will have them, Some give up on the whole thing, disaffected they waste their lives on recreational drug use, world of war craft and DJ hero. The rich seek validation in expensive and dangerous hobbies, mountain climbing and extreme sports. They conquer peaks and put the pictures on their bedroom walls.
'When Life Gives You Lemons' by Atmosphere
What they all have in common is that they are now defining themselves by what they do in their free time. People no longer wish to define themselves though the work that they do. They want to feel as separate from it as possible. They look for things to do in their free time that will give them a long missing sense of achievement.
'Ready for Anything' by Patrick Alexander
Everyone likes to sing and dance in one form or another, it's easy and it's free. I think where I am going with this, the ultimate truth I am going for... is that I want to be Ghengis Kahn. I am interested in meeting anyone that will at least pretend that I am Ghengis Kahn and I will pay good money for them to do so.
Ghengis Kahn was the biggest super star of them all...
You can listen to this episode
Here
I'm not going to talk about the large Haydron Collider... Apparently I'm just going to go off on a massive rant about post-modernism that ultimately does little but expand upon the lyrics to Earth Song by the late Michael Jackson.
TRACK LISTINGS
'I Want So Hard' by The Eagles of Deathmetal
One of the well publicised but totally unattempted problems of post modernity is Drama school culture. The view that we have been brainwashed into believing that Wanting and Working are synonymous that if we want it hard enough we can have it. I don't think that people actually think this. I think we all work really hard. There is just a lot of people who want to be entertainment superstars.
'It Don't Move Me' by Peter, Bjorn and John.
The reason is this... we used to have progress we could believe in. We did things for the greater good, to work towards 'an end to war/poverty/disease'. We believed that these were both achievable and desirable goals and people were happy to be part of that. We made predictions of what was to come like Star Trek and all those adverts for the future with the assured sounding Mid-Western narrators that told us about flying cars and push button homes. Most of us didn't need or want to be on telly then... we were happy to be a small but vital cog in the benevolent machine of progress. Sadly we lost faith in this machine.
'Palo Alto' by Radiohead
Here's part of the reason why: progress was too successful for it's own good. Like a particle gaining mass as it approaches the speed of light, as we got closer and closer to achieving the goals we set ourselves, we found that our partial success had caused yet more complex and dangerous problems. Victory over disease leads to massive global overpopulation, progress of science leads to nuclear weapons, the war on poverty and 'inconvenience' leads to horrifying environmental consequences...
Casimir Pulaski Day by Sufjan Stevens
Here's another reason why: In order for us to make 'Progress' we had to abandon what we had before, which was knowledge passed down from the past. Where we had faith in our elders, our traditions and ultimately an immortal god that had been there since the very beginning, in its place we had empirical scientific analysis in all areas of human life and faith in new knowledge and a brighter future. People miss the things they have had to give up along the way, the morality, authority and sense of community. They feel that they are missing something from there lives... disrespecting those that went before. Dancing on their grandparent graves if you will.
'Pantera Fans in Love' by Nerf Herder
As faith in the great machine of progress collapses, people are not only not content that they are living worthwhile lives just by taking part, but actively feel bad about taking part at all. In to the world comes the creeping feeling that by working for, or investing in, big oil or some other massively corporate entity you are similar to a pre-second world war German, passively collaborating in some horrific and evil crime against nature.
DANN'S SIXTH FORM SONG
'1979' By Smashing Pumpkins
Some rage against the system that pays either their wages or their dole cheque. They fight for any cause that will have them, Some give up on the whole thing, disaffected they waste their lives on recreational drug use, world of war craft and DJ hero. The rich seek validation in expensive and dangerous hobbies, mountain climbing and extreme sports. They conquer peaks and put the pictures on their bedroom walls.
'When Life Gives You Lemons' by Atmosphere
What they all have in common is that they are now defining themselves by what they do in their free time. People no longer wish to define themselves though the work that they do. They want to feel as separate from it as possible. They look for things to do in their free time that will give them a long missing sense of achievement.
'Ready for Anything' by Patrick Alexander
Everyone likes to sing and dance in one form or another, it's easy and it's free. I think where I am going with this, the ultimate truth I am going for... is that I want to be Ghengis Kahn. I am interested in meeting anyone that will at least pretend that I am Ghengis Kahn and I will pay good money for them to do so.
Ghengis Kahn was the biggest super star of them all...
Friday 24 September 2010
31: The City of Brotherly Love.
This episode features the irascible Chris... (the wiggler)
Since I didn't actually get to choose any of the music, rather than discuss the tracks as normal, I am just going to give you top ten (8) list of top ten lists. I hope you understand.
(as always you can listen to the show here)
HERE
TRACK LISTINGS
'Down this Road' by Zero Down
Top ten awkward things to read on a crowded train...
10. Coping with Rabies-a Practical Guide
9. The Erotic Adventures of Ivor the Engine.
8.The Art of Non-Consensual Frottage.
7. The Joy of Non-Consensual Frottage.
6. Violent Non-Consensual Frottage for Dummies.
5. Hot Hot Frottage on the Orient Express.
4. How to Meet Girls on the Train and then Bone Them and Dump Them
3. Thomas the Tank Engine does Dallas
2. Forest Gump (The Novel.)
1. The Da Vinci Code.
'Lost in Hollywood' by System of a Down
Top ten peices of mud to sling at a political opponent.
10.You have misfiled you accounts for the previous fiscal year.
9. You take bribes
8. You have sex with hookers
7. You have sex with hookers... as bribes.
6. You have sex with coked up Nazi midget hookers.
5. You feed their breast milk to our kids...
4. You want to build a duckpond
3. You are your own evil twin and you killed the good twin that everybody previously loved.
2. Your mum is fat and cheap.
1. U. G. L. Y. you aint got no alibi you ugly!
Laugh Learn' by Sekura Drops (From the album Painted legs on a Snake.)
Top thing things not to get a tattoo of...
10. A tattoo artist doing a tattoo of a tattoo artist of a tattoo artist doing a tattoo of a...
9. A tattoo of a dog doing a dog doing a dog doing a...
8.TATU
7. One of those belly button cat's bum things that people get
6. Any x factor contestant living or dead.
5. Five Boy-scouts nude from the waist down (with woggles and neckerchiefs possibly doing the scout salute)
4. Same as 5 but with Hitler Youth instead
3. Forest Gump (The Novel)
2. A 'to do' list of people you work with with a large number of them crossed out.
1. Prison Blueprints.
!!!DANN'S SIXTH FORM SONG!!!
'Say it Aint So' by Weezer
Top ten things not to do before you die
10. Sleep with a close relative
9. Read The Da Vinci Code/ Forest Gump (The Novel)
8. Get a tattoo of anything from the last list
7. Kill a man in Reno... just to watch him die.
6. Taxidermy
5. Build your own twisted-ass rape bot
4. Memorise 'Tango and Cash' (the movie)
3. Win at Dwarf Fortress
2. Watch all of Prison Break
1. Hold the no.1 score on any browser based flash game.
'Epic Fail' by The 80's Matchbox Bee Line Disaster
Stupid exclusive US only Content.
jerks.
'Dig for Fire' by The Pixies
Top ten mythical beasts.
10. The Manitcore
9. Henry Rollins
8. Pea Tear Griffin
7. People with one big foot that they use as a sunshade
6. The Dogheads
5. Fernando Torres
4. The Crockadoodle Piggy
3. Matt Setback
2. Cannibalistic Nazi sex Midgets
1. Johnny Turntables
'Shame in your Game' by The Beastie Boys
Top Ten highest-scoring, possible boggle words.(oddly enough this is almost idential to the top ten words least used in Hip Hop/Rap-Metal)
10. Aeronomist
9. Clarinettist
8. Deadenings
7. Retinalites
6. Retransmitted
5. Romanticall
4. Saginating
3. Tsigane
2. Tantaliser
1. Testicles
'I Can See Clearly Now' by Snuff (originally by Johnny Nash)
Top ten words that remind me of sausages
10. Corsage
9. Sauce
8. Tauper
6. Sharp-edges
5. Forage
4. Dachshund
3. Bromance
2. Sizzling
1. Forest Gump (The Novel)
'Theme from Midnight Cowboy' by Faith No More, Wait... NO!
'I Started a Joke' by Faith No More
Top ten numbers from 1 to 10
10. Nine
9. Seven
8. Two
7. One
6. Four
5. Three
4. Five
3. Six
2. Eight
1. Seven of Nine
Since I didn't actually get to choose any of the music, rather than discuss the tracks as normal, I am just going to give you top ten (8) list of top ten lists. I hope you understand.
(as always you can listen to the show here)
HERE
TRACK LISTINGS
'Down this Road' by Zero Down
Top ten awkward things to read on a crowded train...
10. Coping with Rabies-a Practical Guide
9. The Erotic Adventures of Ivor the Engine.
8.The Art of Non-Consensual Frottage.
7. The Joy of Non-Consensual Frottage.
6. Violent Non-Consensual Frottage for Dummies.
5. Hot Hot Frottage on the Orient Express.
4. How to Meet Girls on the Train and then Bone Them and Dump Them
3. Thomas the Tank Engine does Dallas
2. Forest Gump (The Novel.)
1. The Da Vinci Code.
'Lost in Hollywood' by System of a Down
Top ten peices of mud to sling at a political opponent.
10.You have misfiled you accounts for the previous fiscal year.
9. You take bribes
8. You have sex with hookers
7. You have sex with hookers... as bribes.
6. You have sex with coked up Nazi midget hookers.
5. You feed their breast milk to our kids...
4. You want to build a duckpond
3. You are your own evil twin and you killed the good twin that everybody previously loved.
2. Your mum is fat and cheap.
1. U. G. L. Y. you aint got no alibi you ugly!
Laugh Learn' by Sekura Drops (From the album Painted legs on a Snake.)
Top thing things not to get a tattoo of...
10. A tattoo artist doing a tattoo of a tattoo artist of a tattoo artist doing a tattoo of a...
9. A tattoo of a dog doing a dog doing a dog doing a...
8.TATU
7. One of those belly button cat's bum things that people get
6. Any x factor contestant living or dead.
5. Five Boy-scouts nude from the waist down (with woggles and neckerchiefs possibly doing the scout salute)
4. Same as 5 but with Hitler Youth instead
3. Forest Gump (The Novel)
2. A 'to do' list of people you work with with a large number of them crossed out.
1. Prison Blueprints.
!!!DANN'S SIXTH FORM SONG!!!
'Say it Aint So' by Weezer
Top ten things not to do before you die
10. Sleep with a close relative
9. Read The Da Vinci Code/ Forest Gump (The Novel)
8. Get a tattoo of anything from the last list
7. Kill a man in Reno... just to watch him die.
6. Taxidermy
5. Build your own twisted-ass rape bot
4. Memorise 'Tango and Cash' (the movie)
3. Win at Dwarf Fortress
2. Watch all of Prison Break
1. Hold the no.1 score on any browser based flash game.
'Epic Fail' by The 80's Matchbox Bee Line Disaster
Stupid exclusive US only Content.
jerks.
'Dig for Fire' by The Pixies
Top ten mythical beasts.
10. The Manitcore
9. Henry Rollins
8. Pea Tear Griffin
7. People with one big foot that they use as a sunshade
6. The Dogheads
5. Fernando Torres
4. The Crockadoodle Piggy
3. Matt Setback
2. Cannibalistic Nazi sex Midgets
1. Johnny Turntables
'Shame in your Game' by The Beastie Boys
Top Ten highest-scoring, possible boggle words.(oddly enough this is almost idential to the top ten words least used in Hip Hop/Rap-Metal)
10. Aeronomist
9. Clarinettist
8. Deadenings
7. Retinalites
6. Retransmitted
5. Romanticall
4. Saginating
3. Tsigane
2. Tantaliser
1. Testicles
'I Can See Clearly Now' by Snuff (originally by Johnny Nash)
Top ten words that remind me of sausages
10. Corsage
9. Sauce
8. Tauper
6. Sharp-edges
5. Forage
4. Dachshund
3. Bromance
2. Sizzling
1. Forest Gump (The Novel)
'Theme from Midnight Cowboy' by Faith No More, Wait... NO!
'I Started a Joke' by Faith No More
Top ten numbers from 1 to 10
10. Nine
9. Seven
8. Two
7. One
6. Four
5. Three
4. Five
3. Six
2. Eight
1. Seven of Nine
Monday 20 September 2010
30: BOOM BOOM BOOM (I want you in my room)
This Episode involves a short excerpt from our unpublished BBC 4 Documentary on the History of Jazz. You can attempt to enjoy our new direction...
The whole thing was a bit of a disaster and half of it is missing. You might as well watch This instead.
The whole thing was a bit of a disaster and half of it is missing. You might as well watch This instead.
Track Listings (write ups by Matt Setback)
'Straight No Chaser' by Thelonious Monk
Hear exciting and possibly libellous facts about Mr T Monk!
'Prisencoli Nensianciusol' by Adriano Celentano
Wow, we spelt this guy's name so wrong. Like, so wrong. Have you seen Blackadder's Christmas Carol? At one point Baldrick writes 'Christmas' and gets every letter wrong. That's pretty much how wrong we were. Also, his name is in black. I can't figure out to how change it. Um. (Dann: I have changed it)
Wow, we spelt this guy's name so wrong. Like, so wrong. Have you seen Blackadder's Christmas Carol? At one point Baldrick writes 'Christmas' and gets every letter wrong. That's pretty much how wrong we were. Also, his name is in black. I can't figure out to how change it. Um. (Dann: I have changed it)
'Song of a Gun' by Nirvana
Irrefutable proof that more than two chords is just wasteful!
'Ruthy Lingle' by 16 Horse Power
...
Irrefutable proof that more than two chords is just wasteful!
'Ruthy Lingle' by 16 Horse Power
Varmit/Varmint HUMBOLT SQUID! Humbolt Squid
Mmmm. Links... Dann's far better at understanding these links than me. You should check out that Alex Riley stuff though, he's pretty good. Like Mark Thomas crossed with Louie Theroux. Though I am possibly overselling it now. (Dann: I have added a link...)
Mmmm. Links... Dann's far better at understanding these links than me. You should check out that Alex Riley stuff though, he's pretty good. Like Mark Thomas crossed with Louie Theroux. Though I am possibly overselling it now. (Dann: I have added a link...)
'Hey Johnny Park' by Foo Fighters
Remember when Foo Fighters were good? It was so long ago now. I'm sure they were, I'm sure of it. I just... can't remember that far back. Sigh. Yeah, no humour from me, just elitist bitching. That's how I roll.
...
The second half of this episode was somehow lost... We are working on getting it back.
Give me some time.
Missing songs include...
Ah, you'll have heard it before anyway. If not, go Spotify up some Ash, you young whippersnapper.
'Nighty Night' by Jenny Owen Young
I think this was good. Shame it's been lost in the bowels of some unsayable media giant's cavernous computer systems. (Dann: I'm actually going to put a link to something else here... something I wanted to play but couldn't for obvious, 'I didn't have the clean version' reasons.)
and another one from Matt I guess.
I guess. Cheers.
AND THAT'S IT!
I guess. Cheers.
AND THAT'S IT!
29: Matt calls in sick
Glen. An Enigma Wrapped in a riddle. Tied up in a quandary, drizzled with questions and sprinkled with the essence of an unknown quantity. This week, he joins me in the hot seat where Matt usually sits. You know I should really ask him if he want's to 'guest write' this write-up... hold on I'll call him now... Glen agreed.
HERE
Track Listings
'Black Balloon' by the Goo Goo Dolls
Matt loved the Goo Goo Dolls when they were young and punk. I love them now they're aging and mainstream. I guess that means I have questionable tastes. Not to be confused with questionable morals, that would be the ladies you find drunk in lidal car park at 3.40am. On a Tuesday.
'Armstrong's Line' Half Handed Cloud
Half handed cloud come from the Asthmatic Kitty label of which Dann is quite the fan. The band get their name from an event in the Old Testament, which is from a bestseller called The Bible, apparently some kind of human spirtual instructional manual. I read some of it to prepare for these notes, and between what I read and that fact that the label's name promotes poor cat health, I have concluded that the darkness I only previously sensed within Dann is, in fact, a worryingly palpable force bubbling a fiction of a inch beneath his calm visage.
'Kiss the Bottle' by Foo Fighters
A song about drinking. I like a drink. Everyone likes a drink. Shut up, I do what I want.
'Lesley-Anne Lavine' by The Decemberists
Tradionally, December is a month for many popular holidays. Perhaps the most famous holiday to occur in this month is Sinterklaas, celebrating Saint Nicholas, the patron saint of Amsterdam, children and sailors. Believe.
'Circles' by The Remnants
The Remnants are a local Bristol band that everyone likes. They have a breezy, punk rock style that makes people happy. Circles is a short song. Made by good hearted boys.
DANN'S SIXTH FORM SONG!
'Song Two' By Blur
Dann, like many of us, finds it a shocking blow when younger people have a different reaction to his own generational soundtracks. We've all been there. Unless you haven't: in which case, you're up far past your bedtime, you cheeky little rugratter you.
'Hit Me' by Uncle (featuring Gavin Clarke)
Used over the end credits to X Files 2, this rocker from Uncle features Gavin Clarke. Some of the unusual sounds in the track were created by a variation of silly putty and dimes tucked in between and over the strings of the piano. Dimes are worth 10 cents. Can't get nothin' for that.
"Atomic Moog 2000" (The Bomb - Luke Vibert Mix) Originally by Coldcut
(WEIRDLY THE SECOND PART OF THIS TRACK HAS DISAPPEARED DURING CONVERSION SO I AM JUST GOING TO LINK TO IT ON YOUTUBE. BASTARDS.)
Dann searched long and hard to find this track. He ended up paying quite the sum of money for it too, quite admirable in this age of the naughty download. I gave it a couple of token searches on wikipedia and then made tea. I do like the bit in the middle though. You'll know what I mean.
HERE
Track Listings
'Black Balloon' by the Goo Goo Dolls
Matt loved the Goo Goo Dolls when they were young and punk. I love them now they're aging and mainstream. I guess that means I have questionable tastes. Not to be confused with questionable morals, that would be the ladies you find drunk in lidal car park at 3.40am. On a Tuesday.
'Armstrong's Line' Half Handed Cloud
Half handed cloud come from the Asthmatic Kitty label of which Dann is quite the fan. The band get their name from an event in the Old Testament, which is from a bestseller called The Bible, apparently some kind of human spirtual instructional manual. I read some of it to prepare for these notes, and between what I read and that fact that the label's name promotes poor cat health, I have concluded that the darkness I only previously sensed within Dann is, in fact, a worryingly palpable force bubbling a fiction of a inch beneath his calm visage.
'Kiss the Bottle' by Foo Fighters
A song about drinking. I like a drink. Everyone likes a drink. Shut up, I do what I want.
'Lesley-Anne Lavine' by The Decemberists
Tradionally, December is a month for many popular holidays. Perhaps the most famous holiday to occur in this month is Sinterklaas, celebrating Saint Nicholas, the patron saint of Amsterdam, children and sailors. Believe.
'Circles' by The Remnants
The Remnants are a local Bristol band that everyone likes. They have a breezy, punk rock style that makes people happy. Circles is a short song. Made by good hearted boys.
DANN'S SIXTH FORM SONG!
'Song Two' By Blur
Dann, like many of us, finds it a shocking blow when younger people have a different reaction to his own generational soundtracks. We've all been there. Unless you haven't: in which case, you're up far past your bedtime, you cheeky little rugratter you.
'Hit Me' by Uncle (featuring Gavin Clarke)
Used over the end credits to X Files 2, this rocker from Uncle features Gavin Clarke. Some of the unusual sounds in the track were created by a variation of silly putty and dimes tucked in between and over the strings of the piano. Dimes are worth 10 cents. Can't get nothin' for that.
"Atomic Moog 2000" (The Bomb - Luke Vibert Mix) Originally by Coldcut
(WEIRDLY THE SECOND PART OF THIS TRACK HAS DISAPPEARED DURING CONVERSION SO I AM JUST GOING TO LINK TO IT ON YOUTUBE. BASTARDS.)
Dann searched long and hard to find this track. He ended up paying quite the sum of money for it too, quite admirable in this age of the naughty download. I gave it a couple of token searches on wikipedia and then made tea. I do like the bit in the middle though. You'll know what I mean.
Sunday 19 September 2010
28: Return of the Matt
Due to the wobbly nature of time. Matt will actually return this week: the week before he goes away. It's a Dr Who/Gilbert and Sulivan-esque Paradox of biblical proportions. Before we really get started on this one I for one would like to apologise ahead of time for whatever spews forth from my brain. I have been eating a lot of chocolate covered coffee beans and would describe my current status as 'seriously wired'. Here's hoping for the best.
As always you can hear this thrilling instalment of the ETP...
As always you can hear this thrilling instalment of the ETP...
TRACK LISTING
'I Wanna Do Bad Things With You' by Chase Everett
Chase Everett. A man. A legend. A dream of American freedom. A naked moonlight walk on the prairies of yore. The drifting spirit of a union soldier passing through the concrete walls of office blocks and malls built large on the fields of Gettysburg. A mysterious smell in the back of your car. A lost raccoon in an oversize Stetson hat. The guy that did the title music for True Blood.
Chase Everett. A man. A legend. A dream of American freedom. A naked moonlight walk on the prairies of yore. The drifting spirit of a union soldier passing through the concrete walls of office blocks and malls built large on the fields of Gettysburg. A mysterious smell in the back of your car. A lost raccoon in an oversize Stetson hat. The guy that did the title music for True Blood.
'Pretty Good Year' by Tori Amos
Tori Amos once peed on my leg but that's a story for another time. For now I'd like to talk about her flaming red hair. Mostly because it reminds me of Amy Pond. Beautiful time travelling Amy who every night in my dreams sits beside me as I drive and slowly runs her hand up the inside of my thigh.
'Let's Go Surfing' by The Drums
Matt and I seem to be drifting towards surf rock. I used to go surfing when I was a kid. I guess it was a cheap family holiday. Camp down in Bude and surf the mighty one and a half foot breaks of the Atlantic Cornish coast. I remember the day I decided to give it up. I was sitting on my board, just out of the breaking zone, waiting for a ripple worth riding to come my way and it started hailing. As the ice fell from the sky, I remember thinking... 'Seriously dude, either move to California... or find some other way to spend your time because this is just stupid.'
Matt and I seem to be drifting towards surf rock. I used to go surfing when I was a kid. I guess it was a cheap family holiday. Camp down in Bude and surf the mighty one and a half foot breaks of the Atlantic Cornish coast. I remember the day I decided to give it up. I was sitting on my board, just out of the breaking zone, waiting for a ripple worth riding to come my way and it started hailing. As the ice fell from the sky, I remember thinking... 'Seriously dude, either move to California... or find some other way to spend your time because this is just stupid.'
'Suffocation' by Against Me
Divers report feelings of extreme euphoria when their breathing equipment packs up and they start to suffer from nitrogen narcosis. Swingers and perverts strangle each other to reach the ultimate sexual high. Kids seem obsessed with sticking plastic bags over their heads at every available opportunity. Do I have to go round door to door and tell everyone in the world to stop being stupid? Sometimes I feel like that might be the only thing left in the world that would make a difference.
'Fish' by Mr Scruff
Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, what did you and your husband do after you were ejected from the restaurant?
Marge: We pretty much went straight home…
Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, you are under oath!
Marge: We drove around until 3AM looking for another all-you-an-eat fish restaurant.
Hutz: And when you couldn’t find one?
Marge: We went fishing…
Hutz: Do these sound like the actions of a man who had all he could eat?
The New Kid on the Block
The Simpson's Season 4, Episode 6
Originally aired November 12, 1992
The Simpson's Season 4, Episode 6
Originally aired November 12, 1992
'International Dreambeat' Adebisi Shank
'The name of the song is going to be 'International Dreambeat''
'Seriously?'
'yeah'
'you still on that...'
'Prescription medication? Yes, yes I am. What of it?'
'Nothing man, nothing'
'The name of the song is going to be 'International Dreambeat''
'Seriously?'
'yeah'
'you still on that...'
'Prescription medication? Yes, yes I am. What of it?'
'Nothing man, nothing'
DANN'S INAUGURAL SIXTH FORM SONG
'Place Your Hands' by Reef
All my life I thought that Reef were a bunch of LA wasters. It turns out they actually come from Glastonbury. Glastonbury... The mythical burial ground of King Arthur. Home of the sacred Glastonbury thorn and the equally sacred Glastonbury Festival. This is just another case of Marketing and Hype playing me for the sucker I am.
'A Slight Discomfort' by the Holdsteady
The lyrics to this track are somewhat poetic. They left me with a feeling. I don't really know exactly what that feeling is. A slight sinking in my chest. Perhaps is a melancholic longing. Perhaps it's just the Coffee beans wearing off. Maybe I should neck a couple of cans of power-thirst and then see how I feel.
Goodnight!
Goodnight!
Monday 13 September 2010
27: It's Ladies Night!!!
Let's kick things off by talking a little bit about women. According to Wikipedia 'Women are mammals, they lack a phallus but make up for this failing by retaining the sole right to activly replicate human life through the miracle of birth.' Women and their contribution to society have been largly ignored by the writers of history and television.' It is high time that Matt and myself redress the balance with this... Our Ladies Night special. First 50 wonder bra's get in free! ('Editors note: Oh dear god, what have we done?)
You can listen to this celebration of the female form (and function)...
HERE
TRACK LISTINGS
'Leeds United' by Amanda Palmer
Amanda Palmer is a hugely accomplished young woman, who writes and performs her own music both live on stage and within the recording studio environment. Her songs invoke the folk and cabaret tradition while bringing a freshness to the sound with a post-modern eye for contemporary detail, and the surprising depth of feeling that can be invoked by the seemingly superficial imagery of the sandwich, the football club and the mac store..I bet she smells pretty damn good too. (Editor's Note: Dann likes the word 'invoke'. Writing it causes him to perspire.)
'Pin' by Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs
Yeah yeah yeahs are lead by Karen O. Somewhat of an Icon in her own right, Karen was once offered the chance to pose for the cover of Playboy Magazine. I think they probably wanted her becuase they felt that her feminist credentials would give the glorified jazz-mag some much needed credibility as a genuine magazine. I have never been offered the chance to pose for Playgirl. Just for reccord, unlike Karen, I'm totally up for it. (Editor's Note: Playboy isn't really a glorified jazz- mag anymore. It's now an even more boring and middle aged version of GQ. But with tits.) ((Author's note... Isn't that what Glorified means?))
'Hide and Seek' by Imogen Heap
Imogen is a web phenomenon (Editor's Note: Dahhn dahhn, dannannun!) . I have heard in interviews that she previews works in progress on line and responds directly to her fans criticism. To be fair I wasn't really listening. I could be wrong about that. Either way I first heard this song as the background music to this sketch.
Imogen is quoted as saying "One night I decided to record my boyfriend and me eating dinner. I wanted to get the sound of the room. So, on "Hide and Seek", for example, you can actually hear the sound of a frying pan. People might think it sounds like rain, but it's a frying pan. Certain sounds give the music a width and a space, and that's important."
I have a few recordings I have made with my wife that I am attempting to sell to the pop industry. They might be most suitable for use in French music.
'I am a Revenant' by the Distillers
A handy combo using the mighty Revenant:
Revenant + Whetstone
Whetstone (or any other card that forces discards) alows you to discard cards many cards from your library into your graveyard... hopefully losing many creatures to it making your Revenant stronger and stronger. (it's even stronger with the Lhurgoyf because you get the benefit of all graveyards) My brother in law used this as the icing on the cake of his vastly annoying 'Deck distruction Deck' but it would do equally well in a kind of black and green, creature-heavy weenie-madness type deck. If you have no idea what i'm talking about. good for you. (Editor's Note: At least we're not referencing Warcraft, ok?)
'Dance Anthem of the 80's' Regina Spektor
I remember the 80's and now, horrifically, it seems to be happening again. That doesn't stop me liking this track though. I think it's original, catchy and musically interesting. I particularly like the warbling. It reminds me of the year when everything went kind of Turkish, and Ozzy "Girl Next Door" Holly Valance was briefly a credible pop artist. Despite the fact that she seemed to think that photoshopped lens flair counted as clothing.
'I Love Turbulence' by Rolo Tomassi
Yes, but the real question is, do you love turbulence enough to give it your last Rolo?
'Catch the Morning Line' Shannon Stephens
I am writing this whilst simultaneously producing a radio programme on another station and at this point I have become tired and more than a little confused. This might not have the gravitas of an epic Russian novel. It might not have the lightning spark of a carefully crafted haiku but let no one say that I have not tried. Consider these words a metaphor for the steaming breath of a Shire-horse cresting a hill on a frosty northern morning; consider them the splash of mud that my head makes as I fall face first in the Mud; consider this as me, towing the line.
(Editor's Note: i'm not sure what he's talking about here. Then again, neither is he. Also, The Shirehorses were brilliant.)
'God Called in Sick Today' By AFI
In an unusual co-incidence I almost called in sick today. I haven't had two days off together for a really long time. Now when I actually get a day off I tend to used it to catch up on sleep. as a result it just registers in my mind as one long night. My brain ends up thinking that it hasn't really had a day off at all and as a result I seem to be getting more and more mental everyday. Less and less able to mentally censor my conversation. Had I lived in a village I'd probably be chatting to the village idiot right about now and ready to see him as some kind of misunderstood genius.
Goodnight Children.
You can listen to this celebration of the female form (and function)...
HERE
TRACK LISTINGS
'Leeds United' by Amanda Palmer
Amanda Palmer is a hugely accomplished young woman, who writes and performs her own music both live on stage and within the recording studio environment. Her songs invoke the folk and cabaret tradition while bringing a freshness to the sound with a post-modern eye for contemporary detail, and the surprising depth of feeling that can be invoked by the seemingly superficial imagery of the sandwich, the football club and the mac store..I bet she smells pretty damn good too. (Editor's Note: Dann likes the word 'invoke'. Writing it causes him to perspire.)
'Pin' by Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs
Yeah yeah yeahs are lead by Karen O. Somewhat of an Icon in her own right, Karen was once offered the chance to pose for the cover of Playboy Magazine. I think they probably wanted her becuase they felt that her feminist credentials would give the glorified jazz-mag some much needed credibility as a genuine magazine. I have never been offered the chance to pose for Playgirl. Just for reccord, unlike Karen, I'm totally up for it. (Editor's Note: Playboy isn't really a glorified jazz- mag anymore. It's now an even more boring and middle aged version of GQ. But with tits.) ((Author's note... Isn't that what Glorified means?))
'Hide and Seek' by Imogen Heap
Imogen is a web phenomenon (Editor's Note: Dahhn dahhn, dannannun!) . I have heard in interviews that she previews works in progress on line and responds directly to her fans criticism. To be fair I wasn't really listening. I could be wrong about that. Either way I first heard this song as the background music to this sketch.
Imogen is quoted as saying "One night I decided to record my boyfriend and me eating dinner. I wanted to get the sound of the room. So, on "Hide and Seek", for example, you can actually hear the sound of a frying pan. People might think it sounds like rain, but it's a frying pan. Certain sounds give the music a width and a space, and that's important."
I have a few recordings I have made with my wife that I am attempting to sell to the pop industry. They might be most suitable for use in French music.
'I am a Revenant' by the Distillers
A handy combo using the mighty Revenant:
Revenant + Whetstone
Whetstone (or any other card that forces discards) alows you to discard cards many cards from your library into your graveyard... hopefully losing many creatures to it making your Revenant stronger and stronger. (it's even stronger with the Lhurgoyf because you get the benefit of all graveyards) My brother in law used this as the icing on the cake of his vastly annoying 'Deck distruction Deck' but it would do equally well in a kind of black and green, creature-heavy weenie-madness type deck. If you have no idea what i'm talking about. good for you. (Editor's Note: At least we're not referencing Warcraft, ok?)
'Dance Anthem of the 80's' Regina Spektor
I remember the 80's and now, horrifically, it seems to be happening again. That doesn't stop me liking this track though. I think it's original, catchy and musically interesting. I particularly like the warbling. It reminds me of the year when everything went kind of Turkish, and Ozzy "Girl Next Door" Holly Valance was briefly a credible pop artist. Despite the fact that she seemed to think that photoshopped lens flair counted as clothing.
'I Love Turbulence' by Rolo Tomassi
Yes, but the real question is, do you love turbulence enough to give it your last Rolo?
'Catch the Morning Line' Shannon Stephens
I am writing this whilst simultaneously producing a radio programme on another station and at this point I have become tired and more than a little confused. This might not have the gravitas of an epic Russian novel. It might not have the lightning spark of a carefully crafted haiku but let no one say that I have not tried. Consider these words a metaphor for the steaming breath of a Shire-horse cresting a hill on a frosty northern morning; consider them the splash of mud that my head makes as I fall face first in the Mud; consider this as me, towing the line.
(Editor's Note: i'm not sure what he's talking about here. Then again, neither is he. Also, The Shirehorses were brilliant.)
'God Called in Sick Today' By AFI
In an unusual co-incidence I almost called in sick today. I haven't had two days off together for a really long time. Now when I actually get a day off I tend to used it to catch up on sleep. as a result it just registers in my mind as one long night. My brain ends up thinking that it hasn't really had a day off at all and as a result I seem to be getting more and more mental everyday. Less and less able to mentally censor my conversation. Had I lived in a village I'd probably be chatting to the village idiot right about now and ready to see him as some kind of misunderstood genius.
Goodnight Children.
Tuesday 17 August 2010
26: The Psychobilly Three-Way Special
The Psychobilly Special!
Featuring the mysterious and alluring Nikki Druce from TV's famous Vanity Scare.
This episode proves that matt literally cannot talk when there are women in the room. From Vanity "Square"... onwards. It just gets worse. He is very funny on this one though. Much funnier than me. That pains me inside.
Whats really special about this special is that for once we do exactly as we say on the tin and actually play some hillbilly death/un-death music for your eager, sensationalist earholes.
As usual you can listen to and or download the show from...
Here
Track Listings
'Blood Beat' by 'The Meteors'
Picture the Beatles, in Hamburg, in 1922, years ahead of their time... see them take the stage... four pre-foetal entities, intersteller beings formed of pure pop-music energy... one of them clutching a left handed bass guitar. See them set their etherial arms high in the air in preperation to strike down. Take a breath. Prepare yourself . The world is about to change forever. Fingers made of light form the opening chord of 'love love me do' on an intangible fret-board... the future is a split second away. Just then the ceiling buckles, 1000 tons of nickel/iron asteroid metal comes crashing down and sends you all to hell. The dust settles. An amp crackles with feed back. 'Too soon,' says God... 'Too soon.'
'Zombie Beach' by Zombie Ghost Train
Ever read World War Z? No... Seriously.... I recommend it all the time. At least I do in my personal life. Take my advice... have a break from your chat rooms, web-comics and obscure german space-trading simulators and go read it you lazy, lazy bastard(s). Elsewhere in my personal life... I like to wait till there is no one home and then run around the flat doing car noises.
This track description was mostly aimed at Matt.
'Horny in a Hearse' by the Necromantixs
The Nekromantix were formed in 1989 in Copenhagen by Kim Nekroman after he left the Danish Navy, in which he had been a submarine radio operator. Having recently seen 'Das Boot', I feel that the two of us are kindred spirits. I both know and feel his pain. Like some kind of freaky psychic twin.
'Crawl Straight Home' by The Horror Pops
On second thoughts if you could see your way to crawling via a Tesco Metro and picking me up a Cornetto and a couple of bags of pork scratchings that would be great.... You're a legend... Cheers.
'The Hunger' by The Distillers
Dann blatantly read this track title and subconciously started thinking about food, hence the above ramble. He's so easy to manipulate. I've planted triggers, so if I say certain words, he will do things like go a get a hair cut identical to Stewart Lee circa 1995. if you don't know who Stewart Lee is, you need to do some youtube exploring pronto.
'Transformation Fascination' by Vanity Scare
Seriously, Vanity Square rolls of the tongue a lot more easily. Try it.
'War of the Worlds' by Jeff Wayne
You've all seen War Of The Worlds. You already know all the radio broadcast trivia. But do you know what happens when you put a brick in a washing machine? This happens.
If you don't want to try this yourself you're lying, basically.
See y'all of all next week!
Featuring the mysterious and alluring Nikki Druce from TV's famous Vanity Scare.
This episode proves that matt literally cannot talk when there are women in the room. From Vanity "Square"... onwards. It just gets worse. He is very funny on this one though. Much funnier than me. That pains me inside.
Whats really special about this special is that for once we do exactly as we say on the tin and actually play some hillbilly death/un-death music for your eager, sensationalist earholes.
As usual you can listen to and or download the show from...
Here
Track Listings
'Blood Beat' by 'The Meteors'
Picture the Beatles, in Hamburg, in 1922, years ahead of their time... see them take the stage... four pre-foetal entities, intersteller beings formed of pure pop-music energy... one of them clutching a left handed bass guitar. See them set their etherial arms high in the air in preperation to strike down. Take a breath. Prepare yourself . The world is about to change forever. Fingers made of light form the opening chord of 'love love me do' on an intangible fret-board... the future is a split second away. Just then the ceiling buckles, 1000 tons of nickel/iron asteroid metal comes crashing down and sends you all to hell. The dust settles. An amp crackles with feed back. 'Too soon,' says God... 'Too soon.'
'Zombie Beach' by Zombie Ghost Train
Ever read World War Z? No... Seriously.... I recommend it all the time. At least I do in my personal life. Take my advice... have a break from your chat rooms, web-comics and obscure german space-trading simulators and go read it you lazy, lazy bastard(s). Elsewhere in my personal life... I like to wait till there is no one home and then run around the flat doing car noises.
This track description was mostly aimed at Matt.
'Horny in a Hearse' by the Necromantixs
The Nekromantix were formed in 1989 in Copenhagen by Kim Nekroman after he left the Danish Navy, in which he had been a submarine radio operator. Having recently seen 'Das Boot', I feel that the two of us are kindred spirits. I both know and feel his pain. Like some kind of freaky psychic twin.
'Crawl Straight Home' by The Horror Pops
On second thoughts if you could see your way to crawling via a Tesco Metro and picking me up a Cornetto and a couple of bags of pork scratchings that would be great.... You're a legend... Cheers.
'The Hunger' by The Distillers
Dann blatantly read this track title and subconciously started thinking about food, hence the above ramble. He's so easy to manipulate. I've planted triggers, so if I say certain words, he will do things like go a get a hair cut identical to Stewart Lee circa 1995. if you don't know who Stewart Lee is, you need to do some youtube exploring pronto.
'Transformation Fascination' by Vanity Scare
Seriously, Vanity Square rolls of the tongue a lot more easily. Try it.
'War of the Worlds' by Jeff Wayne
You've all seen War Of The Worlds. You already know all the radio broadcast trivia. But do you know what happens when you put a brick in a washing machine? This happens.
If you don't want to try this yourself you're lying, basically.
See y'all of all next week!
25: Valley of the large breasted women and other cliches.
Matt and I run a tight ship. We don't suffer fools gladly. We call a spade a spade. We are no-nonsense, you get what you pay for, salt of the earth type broadcasters. We are diamonds in the rough, snakes on a plane, booty shaking, reggue dancehall loving cockney rebels and we don't give a damn and take no shit from nobody. In a time of heroes, trapped in a world gone mad, two men dared to dream a dream called freedom. If you liked Kindergarden Cop, Daddy Day Care and the Bourne Circumcision... You'll love this. It's like Mary Poppins does Dallas... On Acid!
You can listen to or download our no holds barred, adrenlne fuelled, Orwellian nightmare of a radio programme...
you can read the "humourous" Track Listings below.
TRACK LISTINGS
'Why Bother?' by Weezer
...
'Sucre' by The Stares
Sucre means sugar in french, but to anyone that watched Prison Break (Even if you only watched the first couple of series before realising that life was too short) it means so much more. It means a pluckly and lovable hobre with a great smile and a can-do attitude. An honorable thief that will sacrifice all for the cell mate he has grown to love like a brother.
'Bro Hymn' by Pennywise
From the cold and impersonal wilderness of postmodern life, from the isolated cellular seclusion of the cyber-sequestrated realms of human time and space, comes a love song to the crowd. A song that bows it's head in reverence, to those pillars of the french revolution, Fraternity, Equality and Liberty X.
'You Don't Know Me (Homie)' by Ben Folds Featuring Regina Spektor
Ben folds also produced Amanda Palmer's latest Album. It appears Ben likes to work with attractive ladies who play the Piano. Watch this space for an Alicia Keys collaboration. Also watch out for the awesome and musically onomatopoaeic 'disharmonies' that appear towards the end of the song. very clever.
'Milk Lizard' by The Dillinger Escape Plan
I'm just going to use the title of this track to do a load of links to blue Jam. this one this one this one and this one. I really would advise that no-one watch them. To be honest it's all a bit too much for me to deal with. They make me feel like I've been reading the random tab on 4chan... I'm pretty sure that Chris Morris is some kind of high-functioning psycho.
'Creep' By Amanda Palmer (Original by Radio Head)
Amanda Palmer not playing the piano, not playing her own material and still being awesome... Amanda is engaged to Neil Gaiman. You know Neil right... that dude with all the brains talent and money in the world. Damn you Gaiman, why must you mock me?
'Come Quietly' By Strobe 45
Stef had ginger hair but he died it black. He rode a BMX and he rode it well, but he once lost a girl to a guy that could do back flips. He was crazy into Ayrton Senna and he drove a car that was half van and half car. He's still out there somewhere, being awesome. One day he might google his old band name and then this will pop up. Hello Stef!!
'Ice Cream Man' By Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers
I really feel like this song should just go on forever. I'd love to go and see the modern lovers and for them to play a two hour set that opened, and closed with Ice Cream Man. perhaps kicked off with the words... 'I hope you enjoy our new direction.'
24: PIT! PIT! PIT!
We begin this episode by talking about the lost world of Robot Wars. Robot Wars was big when I was a kid. back in the days when Phillippa Forester was attractive and technology was exciting and new. As always you can listen to or download this episode
And Remember if it's way too loud. then YOU'RE WAY TOO OLD. Both Matt and I are way too old.
On with the anomalistically intoxicating
Track Listings.
'Who's Gonna Save My Soul' by Gnarls Barkley
This track was the follow up to,'Who's gonna do the washing up.' and the even earlier prequel, 'who's turn is it to cook dinner?' Neither of those tracks quite made it to the album.
'Night Cap' by The Coma Brides (Matt's mate Tim)
I haven't slept for days... I've been up all night thinking of famous people whose names could be made into phallic references. George Cockington. Dickalous Cage... David Tasslehoff. The list goes on.
Life is a gift, a brief flash of light in an eternity of darkness. I just thought of another one... Edward Woodward.
'Time to Pretend' by MGMT
When I was a teenager not only did I think that I was destined for greatness, I was pretty much convinced that all of my circle of friends were going to make it and make it big. The class clown would end up on Have I Got News for You. The school covers band (Footpath to Satan's Monkey Boner*) were going to play Wembley Stadium. The Girl next Door would attain her dream of becoming Hollywood Hooker, just like Julia Roberts.
I was going to write a novel and win the Nobel Prize for Literature because the Booker was too pop. I now realise the crushing statistical unlikeliness that stood in our way.
'Twenty Two' by Millencolin
Wheres the Catch! get it, get it. Oh come on guys, at least pretend it's funny.
'Little Lion Man' by Mumford and Sons
I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'm pretty short and I move pretty fast, if you don't stop and look down once in a while, you just might miss me.
I've never said this in my life.
I am not actually that short. If this were the middle ages, I'd be considered 'Strapping'
I've never said this in my life.
I am not actually that short. If this were the middle ages, I'd be considered 'Strapping'
'A New England' by Jonah Matranga (from Far) (originally by Billy Bragg)
I know you 'Say' that you are not looking for a New England, but quite frankly I think you protest too much. Picture America as a goal... (a soccer goal) New England is pretty much exactly where you would want to put the ball if you were taking a penalty. It borders Canada.... So you know it's good.
I know you 'Say' that you are not looking for a New England, but quite frankly I think you protest too much. Picture America as a goal... (a soccer goal) New England is pretty much exactly where you would want to put the ball if you were taking a penalty. It borders Canada.... So you know it's good.
'Road Runner' Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers
'State of the Union' by Rise Against
Midway through my nightly lovemaking routine, I like to stop and deliver a mid-congress speech on the state of our union. I will discuss, at length, how I feel I am doing. I will reflect on things I have already done. I will go on to make vague and conceptual promices about the future and what I intend to do next. Promises which I am often unable to keep.
Goodnight.
*I did not make that up. Matt was in the year below me and his covers band were called (the) Angst.
Midway through my nightly lovemaking routine, I like to stop and deliver a mid-congress speech on the state of our union. I will discuss, at length, how I feel I am doing. I will reflect on things I have already done. I will go on to make vague and conceptual promices about the future and what I intend to do next. Promises which I am often unable to keep.
Goodnight.
*I did not make that up. Matt was in the year below me and his covers band were called (the) Angst.
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