36: Hello I wuv you, wont you tell me your name....

We open this episode with some life/mine-craft advice... listen carefully because it might just change your life, both spiritually and sexually.

If you have an hour or so to waste (either now or in the future) you can right click on the word HERE below, and then 'Save-As' to your hard drive then you can treat this program like any other pod-cast.

Here

Or you can left click on it and it will stream in the background while you mindlessly search the internet for porn.

Ask yourself...

what is it you're really looking for?

TRACK LISTINGS

'Under-tow' by War Paint
My wife. She hates war. She loves painting. She claims to love this band. So we are playing this for her.

The under-tow is a hidden current, an invisible force that pulls swimmers from the shallow world of the beach into the cold and frightening depths of the ocean. Sometimes known as the Under-toad, it's amphibious force can sometime be felt metaphorically in your life. Choose to kick against it. or let it pull you out to sea. The choice is yours.

'Rookie' by Boy Sets Fire
Is there an innate sense of justice in the world? Some exterior power that seeks to redress the balance when things go wrong? I'm talking about a universal Ethic existing beyond the judgement and understanding of the individual. perhaps it is a manifestation of some kind of Meta-Conciousness, a collective unconscious field of sentient energy that is both created by and manipulates our behaviour on a day to day basis... What ever you think about it. I've got my t-shirt back. (Men's T-Shirt Blue)

'Not the Same' by Ben Folds
To anyone who hasn't done it yet I advise you to look deep inside yourself and find God. I mean this in a strictly non-denominational way. It doesn't even have to be mono-theistic. Feel free to be poly theistic. Bow down to the Genius Loci if the mood takes you. but find something to believe in what ever you do...  even if it's just for the weekend.

'Stay to Long' By Plan B
Northern Soul. Some people view religion as some kind of celestial pension... or insurance policy. Maybe they are right but... It doest really ring true with me.
The other day my car broke down and we ended up sat in this hotel just off the M25. There was this religious conference going on in one of the convention rooms. A woman outside selling leaflets and other merchandise told me that while she had a personal relationship with a higher power, she didn't go to church. I left her standing there alone. It was my turn to use the 20 minutes of free broadband. I used it to change my Facebook status to 'My car is broken down- Pray for me.'
About two hours later the AA managed to fix it.


'Generator above Second Floor' by Freelance Whales
Imagine you are standing on a sea of letters, shifting like water from where you are standing all the way out to the horizon. You step forward and pick up a hand-full.  Each address written in the same scrawling hand. Your name and Address, your middle name replaced with "The Arsehole". Your eye is drawn to the stamps; every one a silhouette of your face, postmarked from all over the world. a shadow falls across the sun making you look up. Towering above you is a tidal wave of hatemail. It is about to break. As the weight comes down, you reach out and touch faith.


'Young, Dumb and Stung' by Say Anything
How can we learn to come to terms with mortality if we are never able to experience even a moments worth of Death. Hard as I try I cannot even imagine it. I know a couple of people who claim yo have peeked thought the door. Humans whose hearts have stopped and then been started again by the powers of modern Medicine. When I asked them what it was like they told me that it was difficult to explain.
How can the world end today when it's already tomorrow in Australia?

'Steel Beast Defeated' by Fu Manchu
I was trying to think of something to put in this 'Track Description' when the phone rang. I didn't recognise the number.  She wanted to book a table for four. I told her that this wasn't a restaurant, this was my house. She apologised.

I guess everybody gets things wrong sometimes.

'Holiday' by The Get Up Kids
Holiday. Holy Day. Every day is Holy. Even those you choose to spend in bed.


Good Night.

35: The Self Indulgent Special

When you start listening to this episode you will realise why I might have waited a while before unleasing it upon our small but devoted fan base.... (Glen)

This was a failed experiment in radio broadcasting, possibly a subconscious attempt to get taken off the air. My wife calls it "a cry for help."   Bad for the eyesight good for the colon: it is the Self Indulgent Special which you can listen to...

here

I apologise for the lack of quality in this weeks write up... but I have a lot of things I'm meant to be doing so I'm just going to bash this one out as quickly as possible.

Track Listings

"I Touch Myself" Performed by Rolf Harris (originally by Divynals)
I'm sorry... I'm so so sorry.
Someone told me that their mum was listining to the radio when this came on.
When bad things happen to be from now on I will know it was becuase I played this recording of a much loved Australian children's entertainer tickling his old fella.  And not because I once called the police on a bunch of teenager who were holding an orgy in a railway tunnel.

"Waggy" By Blink 182
The number 182  referes to the the average number of strokes required to become mechanically aroused without the use of any other stimulous. This was tested in 1982 in an isolation tank in California with a research pool of seven hundred body-builders and one nineteen year old nurse.

"Long View" by Greenday
Once when I was a thirteen I went to the dentist to have filling replaced, she was wearing a blue shirt. At one point she had to put her knee up on the chair to get a better angle to drill on my tooth. Because of the way the cloth folded I got clean line of sight between the buttons into the valley of her cleavage. Ever since then the sound of a dentist's drill still wakes me up at night.

"Why Bother" by Weezer
Girl Pirates on the high seas of the Caribbean would sometimes expose their breasts in the midst of battle. It is said that the sea air and active lifestyle made them so exquisite as to render any full blooded male enamoured to the point of paralysis by their warm and succulent proximity. one by one the armys of the world succumbed and died with with a smile on their face and rapiers blade hilt deep in their flesh. So it was that the Caribbean became a world power it is to day.

"Wow I Can Get Sexual Too" by Say Anything.
A Summer's day... a softly vibrating vehicle. Gear-stick throbbing in your hand. Some girl in a Fiat Punto with a businesslike haircut avoiding your eye contact.  She is four feet and two sheets of glass away but you can feel the chemistry. Then the lights change and you never see her again. 

"Paulina" by No Doubt
Gwen Stefani. Baywatch.  Loaded Magazine.  The naked swimming scene in "Walkabout". Any French film on Channel Four.   Enormous Boobs
 
"Fourteen" by The Vandals
 When I was fourteen the internet didn't really exist as we know it today. There was no streaming video only grainy one minute clips that could not be previewed and often took over an hour download. Deep in the the dead of night even still images could take a full minutes to slowly resolve in-front of my eager adolescent eyes. Quite frankly it was impractical, also the dial up modems made a lot of noise and tended to give me away.



"Leave it Alone" by No FX
Sometimes I think about what it will be like to be in an old people's home. I like to think that I'll still have my hair and as long as I can stay thin I reckon I'll still be quite a good looking for an octogenarian. I reckon if I live pretty cleanly then I can outlive the majority of my sexual competition and it will be a full on hump-fest!!


"The Greatest Love of All" by Whitney Houston
 Learning to love yourself, is the greatest love of all. The French have several words for love. If this had been true of English this song might have made a lot more sense.

Goodnight everyone.

;)