42: A plague on both your houses!

I was pretty sick when we recorded this show. I'm all better now. Sometimes when you have a near death experience like that your whole life flashes before your eyes... This is one of those times. I know I bullshit a lot but all of these are true.

To hear this episode (which mostly consists of me coughing...)  press

PLAY

Track Listings

 '2nd Sucks' by A day to Remember
Memory one... it's sports day and in order to make myself run faster I have bought myself a Mars Milkshake drink. I am pretty quick for a short kid and manage a half decent time in the 100 meters. Then I heave over and puke that milkshake all over the floor.

'I Could Never Break Your Heart' by Fol Chen
Memory two. I am on a German exchange programme. I am 14 years old and wandering around a zoo in Hamburg with a kid called Gavin from Weston super Mare. Before we went to the zoo we had been to visit the Burgermeister  (Mayor). There had been a hospitality table with free cokes and I'd loaded up on that shit. Now, back at the Zoo, I badly need to piss but all the signs are in German and to make matters worse they seem to lead me on a route that goes all the way around the damn zoo before going anywhere near a urinal. To cut a long story short, somewhere near the Penguins I piss myself. Gavin and I walk around until my trousers dry off. Then we get back on the bus with all the other kids and go back to the hotel.

'Side projects are never successful' by Bomb the Music Industry 
Memory three. Despite a crippling lack of talent my mum is convinced I can follow in her footsteps and play in an orchestra, she plays the cello (so does my sister) and I play violin. I fail the audition but they let me in anyway because mum is one of the teachers and they are worried that if none of her kids are involved she will stop volunteering her weekends and they will have to find a new cello coach.
I am a fourth row second violin. I am mostly lost and holding the bow above the strings so that I don't mess thing up for my mum by actually making any noise.

Sometimes we play a piece called 'Andrews piece.' All I know is that I like it and it's by one of the kids in the orchestra. I assume one of the soloists or  front row 1st's.  There is another kid in my row called 'Scabby' he stinks like a tramp and is badly bullied. Word is he'll do anything for half a chew-it. I find out weeks later that he is Andrew. The contradiction blows my mind.


'Highways' By Joe Purdey 
Memory Four. It's the last year of GCSE's I am reeling from the fact that my parents have finally divorced. My sister is dating a psycho boxer and I am getting regularly beaten up in the street, (mostly for being small, white and confused).

I decide that talking is over rated and that it's easier to get through school if I just stop. I don't say another word for two months. On my last day a group of kids tells me that they are going to gather in the stairwell to beat me up when the bell goes. I don't even try and avoid them. I just walk right over and let them do it. After a while they get bored and I walk home.

'Hands down' by Dashboard confessional
Memory Five. I am standing with my old best friend at the top of a hill called 'Dangerous Hill' We are looking at the view of the city. In that moment we are in love with the city. We love the reality of it. The ugly beauty. This city of tiny lights is spread out in front of us like a mirror image of the milky-way. In my mind each one of those lights represents another human being, another life, another perspective on the unknowable nature of the universe.

Years later I try and skateboard down dangerous hill and bust up my ankle pretty bad. Guess I should have taken more heed of the name.

'I walked' Sufjan Stevens 
Memory Six. I am sixteen and living in rural Wales. My route home takes me past some crazy ass one-eyed farm-dogs that like to chase cars. Usually one of my step brothers is with me but today I am on my own. The dogs look at me. I look at them. They bare their teeth and growl. I decide to go around the block to avoid them. It turns out that 'Around the block' is about five miles, this is the trouble with applying urban logic to a rural problem.

'In the Offing' by Worn in Red 
Memory Seven. I am 11 years old and lying on a beach, everyone else is body-boarding later on I will have a go and realize how fun it is but right now I think it looks silly, cold and dangerous. I am next to a four month old baby who is playing with some pebbles. Just as I am drifting off into a day dream the kid picks up a rock and smashes it into my head. It doesn't break the skin but it hurts like hell huge lump comes up like in a cartoon. The baby laughs and laughs.
 
'Walkin' by My Morning Jacket
Memory Eight. I am thirty years old and I'm not happy about it. My cousin has just died in an avalanche on Ben Nevis. the dude was amazing. Pure smile, muscle and heart and now I'm off to his funeral.  There is snow all over the road and in order to get my car out I am having scrape it off the road with a shovel and lay a trail of rock salt that some guy has brought out from his house. I hate snow is a way that I never thought I would.

Goodnight. 

41: Lets Get Naked... Together!

No one has contacted us with requests for naked photographs, either separately or together.  If you would like naked pictures and have been desperately trying to get in touch with us we can only apologise. Perhaps you have written the email address down wrong or something. The email to remember is DannAndMatt@BCFM.org.uk or call us on the usual number. either before, after or during the programme, which incidentally you can listen to or download (right click save link as)...by pressing

PLAY

Time for the...

Track Listings

'Escape from the Killing Fields' by Ice T
Escaping from killing fields is a lot more difficult if you are naked. First of all there tends to be mud and broken glass and stuff under foot. Second, you are super conspicuous and third, if nothing else, you really want to be wearing some kind of body armour in that kind of situation.
Little known fact: In the original draft of 'Die Hard' John McClane was naked and had a pathological condition that left him extremely turned-on by gun play. 


'Web in Front' by The Archers of Loaf
In the early 90's we ran out of band names and just started sticking random words together. The name of the song come from instructions yelled to Spiderman during an episode of the comic where he found himself naked, surrounded by mirror images of the green goblin and temporarily blinded by the faeces of a rhesus makak. This track is taken from the album 'Give him the bread fist!'   

'Fighting Trousers' by Professor Elemental
Steam. Hot water. Excited molecules released from the stifling bounds of electro-magnetic attraction.  Punk. Angry Teens. Excited pustules of hormonal interaction released from the bonds of societal expectation. Is it any wonder that the two of them would get together one day? Let me also add that the Professor is clearly naked at the beginning of this song. Naked and not alone.

For your consideration...
Mr B VS Professor Elemental
For a fair comparison you really ought to watch this too.


'Pink Roses' by GlassJaw
I'm just going to come out and say it. He's talking about labia right? I could be wrong. Maybe I've got the heating on too high and it's stopped my brain from functioning correctly. Maybe since I've been sitting here naked and surfing the internet for three solid days, I've lost all sense of what is beautiful in the world. Pink Roses.  


'Papa Was a Rodeo' by Magnetic Fields
Magnetism is difficult to explain, but not as difficult as this.
I love this song. It's sweet it's funny. It's about that all American pioneer/rodeo spirit. It's about a belly full of stims and a 4 hour deadline that's 8 hours and two states away. It's about adult nappies and the feel of skin on leather after 1600 miles in the same bucket seat.

Not everyone is called to drive the big rigs, but those that are, are owed a debt of gratitude.

'Ahh Men' by Say Anything
'Sea Men.' HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH AHA HA AHA A. Or not. Matt asked me what I thought this song was about. I said it sounded like he was staring out of the tour bus window and 'feeling a bit religious.' Matt looked at me with scorn, he didn't like the glib simplicity of my reply. He wanted something more thought out. True story.
Let me ask you something... Is it easier to be closer to god if we don't allow our clothes to get in the way? Perhaps it is. Perhaps combined with Nelly this is the central message of global warming.

'Too Much' by Sufjan Stevens
I have already spent too much time writing up this weeks offering. I was supposed to go swimming hours ago. I should be showering off right now, I should be facing that particularly English issue of if it's OK or not to remove ones swimming trunks in the presence of strangers. Instead I am still here, still typing. Nude

'Sort of Like Being Pumped' By Bomb the Music Industry
I'm gonna give you the naked truth on this one. I don't think that the title of this song is an allegory to sex. It seems to be about being inside a train. Which is kind of like being water inside a pump. i think that's the connection. If you don't believe me here are the lyrics.  Goodnight, 

40: The Sexual Bread Project (featuring special guest Dann Casswell}

Heeeeyyy! I'm drinking kworfee here! What's that, bub? Yeah, I got yer latest ETP right here, pal!

Just press

 PLAY


So Dann got fired. It was bound to happen sooner or later, and at least it wasn't for sexual misconduct with the cleaner. So I had to do this show by myself. Luckily, I had on hand a special guest I could rope in for co-presenting duties. Unfortunately, it was Dann.

'Duel of the Iron Mic' by The Gza and the Wu Tang Clan
Seriously, he pronounces his name 'the jizzer'? That boy has issues.

'Shock and Awe' and 'I'm Losing Weight for You' by You Me and Everyone We Know
I've never seen the film. Dann keeps making jokes about it and I never get them. I feel so alone.

i'm bored now so this is all you're getting. if you want write ups from someone who doesnt have ADHD  you better re-hire Dann.

coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,

'Comfort Eagle' by Cake
coffee Eagle,

'Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want' performed by The Deftones originally by The Smiths 
coffee,  is what I want.


'Start Wearing Purple' by Gogol Bordello
coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,

'Even When I'm Winning, I Feel Bad' by Bomb The Music Industry!
coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,

'Virginia Moon' by Nora Jones and Dave Grohl
coffee,  coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, (they totally did it) coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,



'Icicle' by Tori Amos
coffee,  coffee, Filth, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, hot hot filthy hot coffee.
 

Bad is good baby, down with government!

Matt has Left the building.

Goodnight!