Dear Toast Fancier,
I know I don't always treat you right I know that sometimes I disappear for weeks on end and then come back smelling of booze and other women. And while I may have stolen your car, blown your child support money on crystal-meth and slept with your little brother, I still believe that with a little sacrifice on both sides, we can make it work.
All I am asking for is a chance to make it all up to you. I'm not promising that I can change. But I will at least pay lip service to the idea of change.
At the bottom of this letter you will find links to no less than six back episodes. I hope that after listening to these, you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
Yours Sincerly,
The Erotic Toast Monster
PS. Your brother says hello.
45: PLAY
46: PLAY
47: PLAY
48: PLAY
49: PLAY
50: PLAY
Bristol Community FM's Flagship Friday Night Music Show Fridays at 7pm on 93.2fm
Thursday 31 March 2011
Thursday 3 March 2011
44: The Hangover Burrito
When the worst happens, this healthy and easily achievable recipe will save your life.
Ingredients,
A Shitload of Beef, Chicken or Lamb
One Tin of Baked Beans
One Tin of Kidney Beans
Buritto Seasoning (available in little yellow packets from your local super market or drug dealer)
An Onion
A Pepper
Some Burrito Wraps
Some Letuce/a Bag of Salad.
Some Cheese
A Tomato
Salsa (The sauce not the dance)
A Jar of sliced Jalepinos
And no eggs.
The trick is to make the Burritos the night before. Do not eat them all. Leave one for the morning. Then drink a crap load of Tequilla and go record a radio show.
INSTRUCTIONS/TRACK LISTINGS
Start by pressing
Play
and then begin defrosting your meat in the microwave.
'Rome' by Phoenix
Place the tin of baked beans and the tin of kidney beans into a blender. Add some of the Burrito Spices. press blend.
'A Small Victory' by Faith No More
Slice the onion and the pepper, place them in a frying pan. Stop and look at them for a moment. Arn't they oddly beautifull. The colours all mixing together. Realise that sometimes even the real world can feel like a dream. Press stop on the blender.
'Oh No' by Andrew Bird
Turn up the heat, but not too high. Add your now defrosted meat to the mixture of onion and pepper. Add some more Burrito Mix. Stir that shit around until it's pretty well coated with Burritto powder. Then lean in close and whisper a short apology. Explain to it that everything has to eat and that this is the natural order of things. Stick a lid on it. Wipe away a silent tear.
'Fresh Attitude Young Body' by Bomb the Music Industry
It's time to turn your attention to the lettuce and stuff, if it's just a lettuce then wash it, chop it and put it in a bowl. If you bought a bag of salad then just tip it into a bowl. Now it's time to chop up your tomato and put the distended chunks into their own separate bowl. Grate the cheese. This too gets it's own bowl.
'I Like You So Much Better When Your Naked' By Ida Maria
Place the mush of beans that is currently sitting in your blender into yet another bowl. Check that it's microwave proof. Engage the magnetron! Blast the beans for two minutes on full power. Watch them rotate. See them go around and around. Remember that the Microwave was originally called the Deathray and that they wanted to use it to fry fighter pilots in their seats. Giggle a bit when you remember that they used to call the internet 'the information super-highway'. Wonder at the parrot-like nature of the human brain.
'Flight of the Navigator' by Set Your Goals
Take the lid off of that crap in your frying-pan and stir it around a little bit. Take the beans out of the microwave. Stir them around then give them another minute. Look at all the stuff you have on your clean counter-top. All the separate bowls. The yellow of the cheese, the red of the tomato, the green of the salad. Realise what is missing. Set up another bowl and but the deeper blood-red mixture of the salsa in in it. Feel proud. Stir the frying pan again.
'Little Bit' By Lykke Li
Get the wraps out of the plastic wrapper and put them on a plate. Remove the beans from the microwave and put the wraps in their place. Blast um' Captain, for one lonely minute.
'Red Letter Day' by The Get Up Kids
It's time to assemble those badboys! Get your nice warm wrap and smear some refried/microwave beans, all over it, add a bed of meat, some lettuce, cheese, salsa, tomato and a few jalapeño bits. Fold over the bottom then roll it up and tuck it into its self. For extra style point pin the bugger down with a cocktail stick. Remember to make an extra one for the morning. Go to your front room, Sit down infront of the TV, perhaps an old episode of Friends is on. Take a bite.
Remember that you completely forgot about Sour Cream. Wonder why the hell bad things happen to good people.
Ingredients,
A Shitload of Beef, Chicken or Lamb
One Tin of Baked Beans
One Tin of Kidney Beans
Buritto Seasoning (available in little yellow packets from your local super market or drug dealer)
An Onion
A Pepper
Some Burrito Wraps
Some Letuce/a Bag of Salad.
Some Cheese
A Tomato
Salsa (The sauce not the dance)
A Jar of sliced Jalepinos
And no eggs.
The trick is to make the Burritos the night before. Do not eat them all. Leave one for the morning. Then drink a crap load of Tequilla and go record a radio show.
INSTRUCTIONS/TRACK LISTINGS
Start by pressing
Play
and then begin defrosting your meat in the microwave.
'Rome' by Phoenix
Place the tin of baked beans and the tin of kidney beans into a blender. Add some of the Burrito Spices. press blend.
'A Small Victory' by Faith No More
Slice the onion and the pepper, place them in a frying pan. Stop and look at them for a moment. Arn't they oddly beautifull. The colours all mixing together. Realise that sometimes even the real world can feel like a dream. Press stop on the blender.
'Oh No' by Andrew Bird
Turn up the heat, but not too high. Add your now defrosted meat to the mixture of onion and pepper. Add some more Burrito Mix. Stir that shit around until it's pretty well coated with Burritto powder. Then lean in close and whisper a short apology. Explain to it that everything has to eat and that this is the natural order of things. Stick a lid on it. Wipe away a silent tear.
'Fresh Attitude Young Body' by Bomb the Music Industry
It's time to turn your attention to the lettuce and stuff, if it's just a lettuce then wash it, chop it and put it in a bowl. If you bought a bag of salad then just tip it into a bowl. Now it's time to chop up your tomato and put the distended chunks into their own separate bowl. Grate the cheese. This too gets it's own bowl.
'I Like You So Much Better When Your Naked' By Ida Maria
Place the mush of beans that is currently sitting in your blender into yet another bowl. Check that it's microwave proof. Engage the magnetron! Blast the beans for two minutes on full power. Watch them rotate. See them go around and around. Remember that the Microwave was originally called the Deathray and that they wanted to use it to fry fighter pilots in their seats. Giggle a bit when you remember that they used to call the internet 'the information super-highway'. Wonder at the parrot-like nature of the human brain.
'Flight of the Navigator' by Set Your Goals
Take the lid off of that crap in your frying-pan and stir it around a little bit. Take the beans out of the microwave. Stir them around then give them another minute. Look at all the stuff you have on your clean counter-top. All the separate bowls. The yellow of the cheese, the red of the tomato, the green of the salad. Realise what is missing. Set up another bowl and but the deeper blood-red mixture of the salsa in in it. Feel proud. Stir the frying pan again.
'Little Bit' By Lykke Li
Get the wraps out of the plastic wrapper and put them on a plate. Remove the beans from the microwave and put the wraps in their place. Blast um' Captain, for one lonely minute.
'Red Letter Day' by The Get Up Kids
It's time to assemble those badboys! Get your nice warm wrap and smear some refried/microwave beans, all over it, add a bed of meat, some lettuce, cheese, salsa, tomato and a few jalapeño bits. Fold over the bottom then roll it up and tuck it into its self. For extra style point pin the bugger down with a cocktail stick. Remember to make an extra one for the morning. Go to your front room, Sit down infront of the TV, perhaps an old episode of Friends is on. Take a bite.
Remember that you completely forgot about Sour Cream. Wonder why the hell bad things happen to good people.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)