43: The Quantum Conundrum

I remember the first time I saw the snow. It was 1989 and I was nine years old. My parents had left me alone in the house because they wanted to go to swingers party and figured I'd just get in the way.
I got bored of the television around 2am and wandered outside into the street. Despite the sound of distant sirens, I remember being filled up by a sense of calm. In the pale glow of the street-light even the concrete seemed soft. Blanketed in sheets of white, the perennial piles of rotting garbage looking somehow clean, perhaps even... forgiven.
For just one night. My hellish life in the city lost its cynical edge. 

By morning the snow had turned to a rancid brown sludge and a few doors down there was a gap with a cherry red smear around the edges. It turned out that, that was where a gang of kids had beat a hobo half to death. They probably would have killed him if my parents hadn't interrupted them.

I learned that night that nothing gets corrupted faster or more thoroughly than virgin snow on the blood red streets of the city. Not even you.

In order to listen to this weeks thrilling episode of the ETP, press...

PLAY


Track Listings

'Denise' by Fountains of Wayne
Some people might describe an unpaid weekly podcast/blog combo as little more than a pointless vanity project. Looking at my/our listening figures it is difficult for me/us to argue against them. In my/our defence I would like to point out that if I/we can make just one person think that I/we am/are cooler than I/we really am/are, then I think that I/we can chalk that one down as a win for vanity. The truth is that by getting my/our shit together and turning up on a semi-weekly basis I/we have proved that I/we am/are better than you pigs.


'Tommy C' by Dan Le Sac and Scroobius Pip
I'm/We're really sorry I/we just called you all pigs. You are not pigs. A lot of you are sexy/independent women. Some of you are hairless and capable men. By making the choice to both tune in and download the programme, you have transcended the porcine aspects of your character and joined the ranks of the enlightened. Come, join hands with me/us and let us all ride together on this new and exciting plane of existence. Together/alone, brethren,  I/we shall complain loudly about how Dan Le Sac and Scroobius Pip, although highly capable, will never quite match the potential they displayed in that 'Thou shalt always kill' video on Youtube.


'Oh My God' By Ida Maria
What the hell is it that you people want from me/us? Why don't you go and record your own stupid show and leave me/us alone? Sometimes I/we think about buying a gun and moving to the middle of a national park. I/we want to go a live the life of a bear. I/we want to stride through the open countryside with my/our cubs in tow. I/we want nothing more than enough protein to get through the harsh Yellowstone winter.  I/we want to have my/our image captured by a photographer from National Geographic as I/we stand proud and naked upon a prominence above a crystal blue lake.

See below for detail

'Rock for Sustainable Capitalism' Propagandhi
I/we guess our/my desire to be photographed, reveals the fact that I/we really do need the love and adulation of my/our fellow man/lady. I/we would be lost without the proximity and praise of you the warm-bodied listener. Perhaps in the future I/we will have an army of robotic fans to mob and molest me/us in the street. Until that time comes I/we have you. Thank-you for tuning in. I/we really mean that. Without you the show would be nothing.

'Long Time' by Cake
 'Fame is fleeting', said Oscar Wild, 'but obscurity is forever'
'Forever is a mighty long time', said Prince, desperately hoping that no-one would notice he was taking himself far too seriously.

You like Prince don't you. You're willing to forgive his occasional forays into nobbishness and even his last three albums if it gives you the chance to bask in the light of his reflected purple glory. You really are a massive idiot. Only you're best friend would tell you... but you are.

'Looking for my Leopard' by Seven Seconds of Love 
When I/we say 'you'... I/we don't mean you. How could I/we possibly mean you. I/we don't even know you. Probably. You could be Brian Cox for all I/we know. You could be Justin Lee Collins. You could be a contender for gods sake. 
Just who do I/we mean when I/we say you then?
Probably me/us. That's who I/we are really talking about here. At heart I/we am/are a/all Fanboy/Fanboys. Surely there is nothing wrong with having heroes. Surely that deserves to be forgiven, perhaps even encouraged.

'Breaking the Girl' by The Red Hot Chilly Peppers

See... look... Erotic Toast... get it!

Flea plays the flute on this track. That doesn't sit well in your mind with your image of Flea, the muscular Bass player with the fixed speed-head grin and outlandish tatoos. When you think of the flute you imagine polished public school girls pursing their lips. You imagine Ron Burgundy popping his head under the toilet door. This new contradiction introduces you/us to a new and interesting quatum state of mind where flea can exist on both Bass Guitar and the Flute at the same time. I/we are betting that this is more than your monkey brain can handle. Unless of course you/we are professor Brian Cox.

'Thinking about You' by Radiohead
Damn you/us Brian Cox, Damn you/us to hell.  I/we are going to the bathroom. I/we are typing this message. I/we are out eating a meal with my/our cousin because it's his/your birthday.
What time is it?
It's that time of day when my/our wife gets home and wonders why we/you haven't done any washing up yet. I/we will tell you/us what time it is/isn't. It's time for me/us/you to go.

Goodnight.