13: Illfated Episode 13. The Technical Mistake Special (with added dubstep!)

This is possibly one of the worst ever episodes of the Erotic Toast Project. What could go wrong did.

You can listen to the horrific crime against god that was Episode 13 HERE To be fair, it's not that bad. The problems of this episode pale in insignificance next to those of mother nature right now... think about it. There is a lot wrong with the world and rather than wasting your time listening to a stupid radio show, you should probably go do something about it. Go outside, reach down a turtles throat and pull out the plastic bag that's stopping him from digesting fish...  Go down to the Keynsham Bypass and dig a tunnel so that badgers can stop getting squashed there, at the very least give the dog a bath you lazy bastard. You know what, sod it. You're already here so you might as well tune in.

Without further waste of time. On with the...
TRACK LISTINGS 

'Big Tings Gwidarn' by Roots Manova Ft. Seanie T
This is totally titled 'Gwidarn' which totally does sound like it might be in welsh. Matt and I reveal the scary fact to the world that the two of us went to school in Wales together. There is swearing on this track and as a result those words have been replaced by the word 'Dwarf' Taken from '200 solemn faces' that we play later on in the show.  It's quite subtle, so do let me know if you happen to spot the cunning substitution. (not safe for work)
Also Midgets totally get a mention in this track... so there's a link. Midgets! (also not safe for work)

'RV' by Faith No More
The letters RV stand for Recreational Vehicle, basically this is a song about a man who lives in a camper van. Mike Patten sings on this atmospheric eulogy to the world that convenience promised us. all that we are left with is our own stunning lethargy and an indefinable sense of loss.  I mention the Crash Test Dummies, which I felt deserved a plug seeing as they only had enough juice in them for the one successful album, although they are apparently still going and could probably use a friend or some spare change by now.

'That's me Trying' by William Shatner
Written by the novelist Nick Horby, one of whose characters I seem to be slowly turning into... and produced by Ben Folds who I would love to be re-born as... and sung by Shatner, who once made love to a mountain, this is a track about a man desperately trying to reconnect with his long lost daughter.  Matt thinks that it's too sappy, too melancholic and nostalgic to be allowed to live. Perhaps he is right, perhaps one day he'll get a letter from his feminine side, and the two of them will meet in a cafe in Shorditch, and they'll make small talk while all the while dying inside because of all the things they've left unsaid.  Who knows?

'Raise the Banner' by King Prawn
Before we got the massively fair, simple and open political system we all enjoy today, the nation of Great Britain was ruled by consortium of invertebrates known as the son's of Poseidon. Sadly in the year 1950 people finally realised how hungry they were and how much they liked seafood.

'The Giant of Illinois' Andrew Bird (originally by the Handsome Family)
The worlds largest ball of twine is a controversial topic. More controversial than I was expecting. some say it's in Kansas, Some say Missouri or Minnesota. No one in the great state of Illinois claims to have the worlds largest ball of twine. They do claim that there once was a giant there, and that he died from a blister on his toe.

Caffeine Bomb by the Wildhearts
Who would have thought that a group of young men from the fine and noble town of Newcastle Upon Tyne would grow up to sing about being massively hungover and then drinking yet more alcohol. In Newcastle the police helicopters have NUT-PD written on the side of them and Jimmy Nail is allowed to sleep with any woman he wants.

'200 Solemn Faces' by Ben Fold's Five
What you hear on the tape is the beginning and the end of the live version... with the studio version in the middle.
Basically because the live version isn't as good.
This is a great song. It catalogs most of the reasons I got into broadcasting in the first place. So to all of ya'll who graduated Fairfield in 1995 you can kiss my beans goodbye, I'm on community radio now, I've hit the big time baby,  I need a drink.

'Testify' by The Red Hot Chile Peppers
From a time when the Chile's could still make a song that stank of sweat and beer.
The movie I refer to on the show is this one. I guess it stuck in my head because I was about six when it came out and it was the first time I saw and old man punch a guy in order to impress a hooker. I also like how badly the sound was done on that movie, how obvious it is that the music was put on later, how what you are watching is a room full of wannabees trying desperately to dance to the silence of their own forgotten lives.

Goodnight.