10 Ways to Love Us More...

1. Why not buy a 'Baby On Board' car sticker and adapt it to say 'Erotic Toast Listener on Board'?
   
   
2. Using paper, scissors, crayons and glue it's surprisingly easy to make an 'I'm Voting for The Erotic Toast Project' sign and stick it in your window or on a plackard on your lawn... like people do for politicians.
   
   
3. Why not take a picture of yourself using toast as part of your love making routine, put that picture on a T Shirt and wear it all the time
   
   
4. Why not make a Video Blog of yourself  'expressing your love' and post it on Youtube?
   
   
5. Nothing says dedicated listener like a full on facial tattoo...
   
   
6. Perhaps you could make your own Erotic Radio Show/podcast and dedicate it to us.
   
   
7. Stalking Matt Setback is always fun!  (He lives in Knowle West, and has minimal security)
   
   
8. You could change your Facebook Status to: 'I Fancy a piece of Toast.'  and encourage everyone  in the world to do the same.
   
   
9. Just a few thousand pounds will buy you advertising space on a major television channel.
   
   
10. For just a billion or so more, you could have the words 'Bread Fancier' Carved into the face of the moon (or even a B-list Celeb!).

If all of this seems too much effort

Why not join our Facebook Group?
or visit http://bcfm.org.uk/category/shows/erotic-toast-project

or simply Email us Here

12: The Banana-Hammock Years...

You can listen to this potassium and fibre rich episode (with vital vitamins such as B6, C and A) HERE

If it doesn't work then why not try right-clicking on it and choosing 'save as' then you can listen to it in your own time. You can even put it on an MP3 player, pop it on in your car and drive around with the window's down. Watch as millions of people try desperately to re-tune their radios to the soothing, methadone like, sound of the Erotic Toast Project... then laugh, because you know full well it's an Mp3 and they'll never find us. NEVER. (93.2 Fridays @9 in Bristol... specifically in Easton and the surrounding area, preferably in line of sight of the BCFM transmitter)

Anyway. We start this episode by crowbarring the word Banana-hammock into the show so that Matt can win a bet. We go downhill from there.

and Now...

Track listings!
Matt chose all the tracks from this episode, I will do my best to explain why he did.
There was talk about this being the "skapecial" I don't actually know anything about Ska-Punk, perhaps this is the reason.

'Waiting for My Ruca' and 'Forty Ounces to Freedom' by Sublime
I guess the real tragedy of Sublime is that Bradley Nowell, Leadsinger and guitarist died before they ever really made it big. Like a lot of fatal heroin overdoses it came after a period of being clean. During the time he was clean he lost some of his tolerance for the drug and thus the regular dose he had been used to was enough to kill him. This isn't funny so there aren't any links.

'What's Left of the Flag' by Flogging Molly
Never fly your banana-hammock at half mast. I'm pretty sure this band is Dutch or Scottish or something, no wait a minute... They're Irish. probably the most obviously Irish band in the history of that tortured and beautiful Celtic Isle. In Ireland, even the sky is green. Green with Guinness and envy.

'We Will Fall Together' by Streetlight Manifesto
I end up having to do a coldplay style remix of this track because Matt brought a scratched ass CD to the party. This isn't the first time this has happened. here's How it should have sounded. As a a punishment to Matt here is just another reason why everyone in the world secretly loves Coldplay.

'Organ Donor (Extended Overhaul)' by DJ Shadow and Qbert
Yo, where my yo-yo at, Yo?
Word is, Qbert sometimes goes by the name of Grandmixer Qbert, having now given birth to two generations of mixers. Back in reality now, Qbert's first ever DJ Battle was against Mixmaster Mike. They did it in their high-school cafeteria, Qbert lost. But that's really irrelevant now. I mean seriously man... I went to the wrong school. The best I could hope for of a lunch time was a hair and nails brawl between rival gangs of rude-girls.
let me also add... Hot sexy lady-monks is where it is at.

'99 Red Balloons' by Goldfinger
The original title of this song is 99 luftballons, which I am told means red balloons in German. It doesn't, it means, Air Balloons. Unless the Luftwaffe meant the Red Force, which seems unlikely given their less-than-communist leanings at the time. For the sake of balance allow me to add that I love Germany! Hanover Rocks. I love an efficient public transport system. I love Dinner for one! I am a Danish!

'Rusty Cage' By Soundgarden
Matt chastises Soundgarden for breaking up and then getting back together and not being as good as they were the first time around. What I find appealing about this particular rant is that he seems to assume that they are actually listening to our show. When this went out, Soundgarden had just come off the back of a concert in Seattle, and while it's mathematically possible that they all got on a plane and flew to Easton It doesn't take Carol Vorderman to work out that it's statistically unlikely.

For any who were wondering, The Soundgarden was on the PC version of Roadrash and not the Megadrive (Genesis US) version we all knew and loved. I actually played more Roadrash 2 than anything else.

'(Welcome to The) City of Thieves' by Sonic Boom Six
When I was Kid my sister got in with a bad crowd and they broke into our house and robbed all our stuff. My mum decided the family would be better off if we all moved to the countryside. As a result I spent a lot of my teenage years surrounded by sheep and cows and experiencing a strange sense of empathy whenever I watched the Fresh Prince of Bell Air. It's what made me the man I am today.

'Butterfly' by Weezer
Another song, or rather 'internet phenomenon' that features a butterfly is 'Die Antwoord' (Not safe for work.) meaning 'The Answer', it's basically an angry and confused Afrikaan gentleman yelling about how he's a Ninja. I think it got popular because of the schoolgirl striptease and the dude with premature ageing disorder. You know what maybe i'm being to hard on them... It does kind of get stuck in your head and all the weird stuff he did as MaxNormal.TV is pretty cool and very odd. Quoting a random youtube commenter... 'I could never hate on something that took this much risk and was so different.'

On a side note...

Who Remembers Nightmare?

11: Nepotism Special

the long awaited epic Nepotism Special can be heard... Here.

This Episode was all about people we know and the bands that they are both in and love. Or hate. While we are talking about people we know... Go Here Vids... brought back from the dead... and somewhat ironically obsessed with zombies.

Watch them.. but watch them in your own time. You're on our time now.

Who are we? We are the Erotic Toast Project. We like it weird. We like to create a mood with a silly voice.

I would like to warn you that we are still struggling with the area of broadcasting known as 'levels' and so the songs are a bit quiet...

On with the..

Track Listings

'Track 1' by John Schuller (now in the 'The Youngs')

John signed this album for me. He made several albums, the one he made while we shared a house together wasn't this one, it was called the lesser angel of failure and had a picture of Holman Hunt's scapegoat on the cover. The BBC reviewed it and even said nice things about it. I think he might have even got a double page spread in wired magazine or something...

'New Direction' by Strobe 45
It's a sad fact that Strobe 45 don't exist any more. They say however that the star that burns brightest doesn't burn for long. Look at James Dean, I mean really look at the bastard. I think you get the point.

Strobe 45 are now Guns or Knives
Steff is the one in the middle.

'Ours' Oxygen Thief (Matt's mate Barry)
Guitarntablism. like turntableism but with a guitar. a new musical religion? discuss. what is the purpose of religion. does it bring people together. does it bring unity to the community. does it clothe the hungry, feed those who are too cold to afford shoes. together we can do some good. Think about that.

'Deep' by TC
I had to cut most of the talking from the beginning of this track... did you notice. You pigs. you don't care about music. you just want to know where your next handful of pills is coming from. Go on, log off and get pissed... Go huff a bag full of meow meow, see if I care. You people make me wanna go to a greasy spoon order a full English breakfast, eat it and then throw the whole thing up over my mums freshly cleaned carpet.

'Transformation Fascination' by Vanity Scare

This is the first piece of the sub genre of Psychobilly I ever heard in my life. It sounds a lot like the HBO show True Blood. Now that's Quality Television. And this is a quality Band. They re-create the experience of dating a french man almost perfectly.

'Young Worrier' by Panic Number

I really like two of the members in this band. I respect them both personally and professionally. Neither of them sing on this I don't think... One of them appeared in this. Since playing this track I have found that it comes back and sits in my head for a few days at time. That Worrier, Cleverer line... Something about it that I like. I don't like the line about following people into the snow though. Sorry guy. I'll try harder.

'Maybe in Another Life' by Dig for Fire (now Cassette Culture and the Caves)
I can't find any links for the Caves or Cassette Culture but luckily due to the long memory of the internet I was able to link to Dig For Fire's Website. It's a song about Writing. Which you can probably tell is something pretty close to my heart. I just failed to place in yet another competition. It wouldn't bother me that much if it wasn't for the fact that my contribution made a up a small proportion if the winners payout. Talk about bitter irony. The production on this track was amazing.

'It Makes No Difference When You're Dead' by Tim Casswell
When I was a kid my dad was always on the guitar. To this day I think I would rather fall asleep to the sound of my father playing the guitar than any other sound. I'm pretty sure that through the walls of my mother's womb, into my amniotic soaked eardrums came the soft vibrations produced by my fathers fingertips as they danced on the tightened stings of a second hand acoustic.

Letter to America By Clayton Blizzard
Every one love Clayton! That's an order.

10: The Seal of Approval.

You can listen to the chaotic collectors item that is episode 12 HERE

We start this episode by making veiled references to this piece of music, Possibly the most pretentious piece of Pre-Ghetto Fabulous Hip Hop that the Non-Gangster, De la Soul Family (this particular branch being Arrested Development...) ever produced. It was a different world back then as God and the Devil fought for the Soul of Hip Hop. Puff Daddy won.

Enough blathering, on with the track listings!

Track Listings

'Down in the Hole' by Tom Waits
Tom Waits doesn't sound totally sober, but the word is... he is. Even during this drunken ramble about the struggle between good and evil that goes on within us all. I think the essential message is that we should all dig a pit, and that we can use this pit as a king of naughty step for Satan. During this episode Matt and I begin worshipping a Seal, a Seal that it was necessary for us to invent.
This song is the theme Tune to The Wire Matt thinks it's 'Just another cop show'. I shall fetch the great big bloody bin.

'Astrocreep' By White Zombie
White Zombie were what passed as Heavy, back in the day. They combined rock stylings with a kind of repetitive Dance beat and repeated quotes from Blade-runner. They opens the track with some hot sex noises, which I would have thought were the prerogative of French Musicians. When this aired, I took a bit of this sex noise and used it to beep out sexual swearwords. I though this was 'ironic', it's 'ironic that I am telling you this now. Welcome to post-modernity where everything is great because you have no standard against which to measure it. Progress is a Lie. Here is a link to the cover art.

'Basket Case' by The Moog Cookbook (originally by Green Day)
When someone asks me, Dann, What the hell is a Moog? I like to look down at them as one would do to a wide-eyed child and say, Son... It's your best friend and your worst enemy, Moog will show you heaven and it will show you hell, but at the end of the day it's a great night in.
I remember some classic Moog Sessions with my cousin that may well have changed the world in some way... Perhaps for the better, Who knows? He's pretty successful now. I like to think our early experiments with Moog played a pretty big part in that.


'Deep in the Hole' by Masters of Reality
Oddly enough, whenever I hear this it makes me think of that bit in wind in the willows where the weasels and stoats take over Toadhall and Mr Toad and Badger have to chase them out. I picture the stoats dancing to this song as it is played out by an all weasel band on a makeshift stage in his foyer. Beep Beep!
Masters of Reality previously did a BA in Reality at Bath Spa University, under the influential and legendary lecturer Mimi Thebo.

Would you eat a rectal thermometer?

'Toxic Girl' by the Kings of Convenience
The Kings of Convenience claim to be from Norway, there are several reasons why this is impossible. Mostly they just sound like they are faking it. I get the idea that the two of them were sat in a basement in London somewhere and they decided that their unique brand of sappy-guitar duet-ism might go down better if people believed they were from a foreign and exotic land. They stuck a pin in the map and the rest is history. There is no record of either member of the band competing in the winter Olympics... or crucially getting on a plane. I swear to god they're from Billericay.


'Phoenix in Flight' and 'Phoenix in flames' by Converge

The group's musical style consists of complex guitar work and off-time polyrhythmic drumming leading some to describe the band as mathcore[9][10][11][12][13]. This is best exemplified on their album Jane Doe. While using hardcore punk as the framework for most of their songs, they also play slower tempo songs, like "Jane Doe", "You Fail Me", "Grim Heart/Black Rose", "Cruel Bloom", and "Wretched World.
Wikipedia "

Mathcore? seriously of all the cores that has to be the one that gets the least groupies.

'Kiss Off' by the Violent Femmes
The Violent Femmes totally were around in the 80's but most people didn't hear about them until they had a song on that advert for some mobile phone or something. I think the song was Blister in the Sun... It might have been for MasterCard... I like how adverts sometimes do a better job of advertising songs than they do their own products.

'Eat Me' by Rectal Thermometer featuring Huw Edwards
This isn't a real band. There is no interview. This is probably close enough...

'Nick Motown' and then 'No Reason' by Snuff
Sadly the version of this episode that I uploaded for internet usage is not the clean version. Sorry Kids. I find it odd that we don't swear in the media when we do it everywhere else. It's as if we worship a certain set of words and treat them with a holy reverence reserved for very few other things. I'll let you mull over why that might be... Anyway.

See you next Tuesday! (Shows go out on BCFM on Friday Nights 9PM Greenwich Mean Time.)

Dann

9: Eleven brides for Eleven brothers.

You can listen to the Classic 'As Live' Eleventh Episode, Palidrome Special featuring exclusive web only content for anyone willing to sit though three or four minutes of Miles Davis... HERE This episode doesn't start very well, but the end is killer.

DannAndMAtt@bcfm.org.uk Email us... we are lonely.

Track Listings
I roamed under it as a tired, nude Maori.

'Bullets' by Archive
Somewhere out there, there are bullets being smuggled with your name on them. Change your name. Archive are kind of hit and miss in my opinion. Perhaps that's because I'm English. If English people were exotic to me, like Pandas or something, I'd probably be really into this. Good sound. Lyrics need a bit of work, 8 out of 10.

A man, a plan, a canal: panama.

'Jamie' by Weezer (unplayed but mentioned)
This is all that I'm going to give you on this one. I like the bongos. Also, I love lamp.

Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era?

'Accident Prone' by JawBreaker
Jawbreaker sound like they are English but they're not. I guess they are like Transvestites but with nationality instead of gender... I'm pretty sure that J Edgar Hoover said that kind of behaviour was Un-American.
Jawbreaker are from San Francisco, California. Durring the show Matt says he's pretty sure they're English but then again his 'girl' has really big hands.

Madam in Eden, I'm Adam.

'Unforgiven' Performed by Iron Horse (Originally by Metallica).
I am so sorry Iron Horse. I totally name-check you guys as Hayseed Dixie... which was wrong of me. I have started to beat myself once a day (usually in the morning, during my shower) in an attempt to make amends for my heinous error.

Poor Dan is in a droop.

'What it is to Burn' by Finch
Having had a look at the lyrics this song seems to basically be about Sun Worship. which is pretty cool. During the show, Matt claims that Science is boring. He does not come up with a theory as to what we should replace it with but on the face of it Sun Worship does seem like a viable alternative. The resultant kick ass tans and nakedness would certainly be more stimulating than peer review.

So many dynamos!

'Ghosts' by Ladytron
I don't know what I was thinking. I really don't. I thought I'd give them a try and see if they grew on me, but they didn't really. I'm sure they are lovely people who will make Phat Bucks making music... I compare them to Girls Aloud which probably isn't fair. They have a totally different image.

Drab as a fool, aloof as a bard.

'The Mob Goes Wild' by Clutch
One band that never fails to apoint is Clutch. Clutch can save any situation. This song is about the good time dance, moving to Canada, and bum rushing. I looked up Bum Rushing on the Urban Dictionary. It is as I suspected, Bum referes to the perp being cheap and unable to pay the door tax, the rush refers to the sudden movement of people.

Bombard a drab mob.

'Tropicana' by Ratatat
It's the middle section of this bit of music that really does it for me.
Does it like Scarlet Johansen in the middle of a lonely heatwave. For me this track is Desert Island good. Matt thinks Ratatat sound like Blur, I don't agree. Once again my wife agrees with Matt. She always takes his side... This is just like the time the three of us shared a bed.

Ten animals I slam in a net.

'Bitches Brew' by Miles Davis
Miles... Davis. Driving at 1000 miles an hour, Miles... Davis: Miles 'free form Jazz Through uptown New York' Davis.(20 minutes to save Ferris. Miles Davis) My face Miles.. (miles) D Miles Avis. Your face with a grip on a steering wheel, getting looser and looser. Driving that whale up towards distaste and disaster. Miles Mutherfubnkin DavidZ. Jazz. Tangerine. Tangerine? Tangerine!

Goodnight Trilobites.

8: The massivley rare... Lost Episode.

You can hear this famous Lost episode Here

This episode was swallowed by a Narwhal and only re-surfaced when the horny beast was captured by a group of gorilla fisherman (hoping to use the vast profits available from poaching rare animals for the 'Chinese medicine' trade to fund terrorism.) With help from various charities, we were able to give them £700 for the chewed up tape. Enough to save one whole Rhino from needless slaughter.


'Getting down with it' By The Kills
What do you do when the world is so appalling and disgusting and just plain vomit inducing that you just can't take any more? I suggest you take a leaf out of The Kills' book, change your name to Hotel and just Get down with it. In other words face the music and dance. Dance until you stray over a landmine and lose one of your legs. Dance until a child dies from a preventable illness. Rest for a moment in quiet contemplation and then start dancing again.

'Text Message' by Dann's Phone
My phone went off during this episode. I thought at one time that I might like to make a joke out of it. I have since changed my mind about that.

'Unprotected Sex with Multiple Partners' by Against Me! (Featuring Brendan Something, perhaps Brendan Kelly)
So Matt played this track by the Florida Punk band that is no longer legally allowed to give blood. According to rumour and hearsay the lead singer has now contracted chlamydia, the bassist has hepatitis and the drummer uses protection.

'The Luckiest Guy on the Lower East Side' by Magnetic Fields
This is a song sung by a man to a woman (I think a woman) that is very attractive. Sort of like a Mary figure in Something About Mary. He has a car.
Magnetic Fields are kind of awesome. I got this song from the album 69 Songs About Love. Five of those songs are about a minute long and I used them to time a section of my work out routine designed to Max Out core body strength. It's called the Plank.


'Ah Ha' by The Butthole Surfers
I so wanted this to be this or even This. The later of those two links was made by a friends of mine called Pete Simson. He booked out a Cinema, got the employees to pretend to be the audience, took his girlfriend there under the pretence of a regular date and then showed the video and proposed. She said yes!

'Furr'by Blitzen Trapper
Damn you Blitzen Trapper. Damn you for getting lucky with this track. I guess this track just proves that if enough chimps bash out enough words that rhyme, they might be able to create a decent song. That's what those old trapper boys did with this little ditty. Sadly I doubt they'll ever do it again.

'I Will Play' by Brand New
Yet another track about dying alone. I think Matt Plays these tracks because he's not married like I am. I don't have to worry about dying alone. I can rest assured that millions will watch me die: on a big screen in Times Square, with cheerleaders and a marching band.

'Jezebel' By Num

Here is a link to Num's Amazing Website

These are the lyrics to Jezebel, which if you have in front of you as you listen to the track will really help.

Counting the clouds passing over the sun
Laid in the shade we always had fun
Soon came the day when you'd make your own way
Wonder if somewhere you dream of the old days

Sun sister sun how it shined on the water
Soaked to the skin in the longest of summers
My little jezebel was ripe for the strangle
Sun in her eyes her hair in a tangle

Counting the leaves as they blew past the window
Wondering if somewhere you felt the way I do
My little jezebel I light you a candle
Sun in your eyes your hair in a tangle

I think that they're good lyrics.

'Enfilade' by At the Drive In

If you were to employ Enfilade at a Drive In you would be immediately arrested and rightly so.


Good night everyone. The Whale has been saved!

7: The Pretentious Special!

You can hear this Pretentious Show: HERE

This show is dedicated to Sheila in Gwent an 86 year old woman who heard me on another radio station and asked for more information... She said that she was going to get her son to help her find us on the internet. I like to think she listened to the whole thing... this ones for you Sheila.

'Brother Sport' by Animal Collective
What can I say about Animal Collective that I didn't say last time we played them. How about this, they have the weirdest Gang-names I have ever heard of, Avey Tare (David Portner), Panda Bear (Noah Lennox), Deacon (Josh Dibb), and Geologist (Brian Weitz). I ain't never heard of no Gang-Banger callin' himself Geologist before. but then again they are from Baltimore. This track is my current ring-tone. It makes me want to pick up my receiver and shout out 'Ahoy Hoy' at the top of my lungs. I love this band so much it's freaky.

'Cygnus....Vismund Cygnus' The Mars Volta
Shifting from English to Spanish and back again at will, this is the longest track yet played on the Erotic Toast project, I like it because you can pretty much clean your entire flat in just one playing, thus earning major brownie points from your significant male/female companion. Mostly female... male companions don't tend to notice. I also like that it mentions the ocean floor. For obvious reasons.

'I Don't Wanna' Be The One (acoustic version)' by the Ting Tings
On air I promiced the listener a full report of our in-depth 'Interview and session' with the Ting Tings. it pretty much went like this.

Dann: Hello, is that the Ting Tings?
The Ting Tings: No, this is Easton Express
Dann: Really?
The Ting Tings: Yes
Dann: In that case, I'll have a Fuji Bento, and some Prawn Crackers... Hey Matt Do you want anything?
Matt Setback: Some of those vegetable things
Dann: And some of those vegetable things please.
The Ting Tings: no problem, it will be there in 60 minutes
Dann: Do people ever call you Stacy?
The Ting Tings: No, I just take your order, ok?
Matt Setback: Ask them why the hell they can't say Wait'ting' when the god damn name of the group is the 'Ting' 'tings...'

Our food arrived in less than half an hour.

Ok back to the music...
This song is kind of the opposite of This Track by Lily Allen. The top youtube comment when I posted that link was, "Can you Get Lily Allen Toilet Paper?" I'm not sure if they wanted it because they hate Lily Allen or just love her in a really sick way. Either way it was a cool post and I salute it.


'First Light' and 'Last Light' by Converge
Massachusetts. Home of MIT, the king of all the Tech based universities. Converge are actually from Salem, whose witch trials have ironically become synonymous with the dangers of too little education and possibly Ergot poisoning. Converge have been described on wikipedia as 'Metalcore'. How that differs from 'Metal' I have no idea. lets give whoever made that description up a big hand.

'Legionaires Lament' by the Decemberists

When on December 14, 1824, Lieutenant Panov and other high ranking leaders marched with armed troops to Senate Square in St. Petersburg, Russia, to force the Senate to sign a manifesto deposing the autocracy, abolishing serfdom, and proposing the institution of democratic reforms they were harshly quelled. Due to the hesitation and vacillation on the part of their own leaders, these Decembrists, as they became known, ultimately failed in their quest to bring liberal Western ideals to a backwards and mystical Russia. Their legacy, however, lived on. The group came to be regarded as the forefathers of the Russian revolutionary movement.

Quoted from here

Sadly it's very difficult to get information on these important revolutionary pioneers as most google searches get swamped by the more popular band of the same name. Ironic, since they presumably chose the name in the hope of shedding light on this somewhat obscured piece of human history.

'Ænima' by Tool
The title Ænima is a combination of the words 'anima' (Latin for 'soul') associated with the ideas of "life force" and a term often used by psychologist Carl Jung and 'enema' the medical procedure beloved by the bowel obsessed inventor of cornflakes.
At the time of recording neither me nor Matt knew this, and thus, from a position of ignorance, we both do our best to sound clever. I'll let you decide which one of us wins. It looks like I'll be the one getting the free enema!


'Good Night, Another Bad Morning' by the Kills
lets explore the possible meanings of this song. The Kills could be implying that any kind of a good time comes at a cost, not just the obvious idea of alcoholic indulgence leading to hangovers, but a deeper explanation of the philosophical and religious ideas of karmic cause and effect. like night and day, good and bad simply do not exist except by comparison to one another... a good night, A bad morning... such is the way of things.

Or it could be, an analysis of takings at a local bar or restaurant...

Perhaps it's simply wishing someone called 'Anne Uther-BadMorning, a good night as the credits roll on a re-run of QI and the two of them share a cup of coco. At this point I don't care.

Goodnight everybody, God bless us one and all...