What if for just one year, soap operas stopped presenting Christmas as some kind of hellish festival of domestic violence and inter-familiar aggression? what if they decided to do Christmas like the movies do it? Why not have a character we are all rooting for face insurmountable odds and overcome them, armed with nothing but the miracle of human kindness?
Could not a child make a wish? Could that wish not come true..? Could I please be that child?
If I was in charge of Eastenders, all the dogs would talk and every twenty minutes the humans would burst into song.
Sadly I'm not in charge of Eastenders...
Instead I chose to waste my life by working for a living and co-hosting (for free) a radio show that precludes me from ever getting a proper job in broadcasting. If you want to listen to this latest career mistake then click...
Here
TRACK LISTINGS
'Rent a Cop' By Ben Folds
At the age of 26, I defeated 10'000 applicants to get myself an interview for a trainee writer position for BBC Teens. If I had got that job I would have moved to London, would have excelled as a writer and would probably have my own series by now. Sadly I got crazy nervous and badly screwed up the interview. Oddly enough I still believed I had done pretty well all things considered and that it was just a matter of time before my obvious talent was discovered.
'Miles Davis and the Cool' by Gas Light Anthem
A little later on I got another interview for a job as a development researcher for television drama. Had I got that job I would have spent all day reading scripts, assessing them for feasibility and artistic merit. I would be an expert in commissioning television drama by now and would have a healthy bank balance and a back-catalogue of my own commissioned work to boot.
I stupidly told the interview panel I had 'no idea about broadcasting guidelines, but learn things really really fast'. They gave the job to a guy with one arm. I couldn't really argue with that.
'Lullaby (Divorce Song)' by Steven Lynch
By now I actually do have a back catalogue, but mostly it's of half formed ideas on scraps of note paper, and word documents with weird names that I don't really remember writing. That and a pile of failed application forms and cover letters to agents, production companies and magazines that either never got back to me or replied in the negative. I'm still not totally sure what I'm doing wrong.
'Christina, She Don't Know That I Exist' by Street Light Manifesto
I have had some mild success... I've had a couple of stories read on Radio 4... I've written a few scripts. One of them got through to the second round of the writers room. That was a bitter sweet email of feedback... I haven't written another script since I got that letter. I'm not really sure why.
'C.R.E.A.M (Cash Rules Everything Around Me)' by The Wu Tang Clan
I spend a lot of my time working to get money. I spend a lot of my money travelling to get to work. It's a crazy situation but there just doesn't seem to be any way out of it. Just one of those things I guess. Still at least I have a Job.
'Justified Black Eye' by No Use For a Name
Every year I set myself goals, then I blink and it's over and I'm another year older and I still haven't written that novel. I'm 31 now. I cried a lot around my birthday. I cried over movies, I cried over songs in the car... I cried about everything.
'Old School' by DangerDoom
So maybe I'm not the genius I thought I was when I was at Uni. Maybe I'm one of those failed ass writers I used to laugh and point at. 'I'll never be like you' I said... 'I'm too fucking talented, too full of ideas'. Perhaps it would be closer to the truth to say I am too lazy and too easily distracted to make it in the real world. I guess the important this is not to be bitter about the whole thing.
Today's Empires, Tomorrow's Ashes' by Propergandhi
There must be more of me out there. A legion of also-rans with a draw full of scripts and a few short films bouncing around on their hard-drives and taking up space. There must be a billion stubble-faced 30 somethings bitching lyrical about their bum luck on some blog that nobody reads.
Sometimes at night I can hear them all shuffling to refrigerator for a late night stack, getting slowly fatter and wondering where it all went wrong.
Maybe we should start some sort of club.
A support group maybe...
With a witty name.
Maybe not.
This year, for Christmas I'm not writing any goals. This year I'm just asking for a miracle.
Bristol Community FM's Flagship Friday Night Music Show Fridays at 7pm on 93.2fm
Showing posts with label Streetlight Manifesto. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Streetlight Manifesto. Show all posts
Monday, 6 December 2010
Thursday, 3 June 2010
17: Proto PhychoBilly United.
Welcome once again to the most Erotic Show... Not on Television, brought to you by, Eric, Roger/Rupert, Olivia, Timmy (the Dog), Ian and Carl.
You can listen to this episode... HERE
but before we get into all of this, I got something I wanna say ya'll,
last week I was on this crazy tip about how the GLC should do Newport State of Mind... sadly someone apears to have beaten them to it. Also I guess this was always going to happen too. Word to the mother.
here are the
Track Listings
'Find the Cat' by Grand Buffet
The grand buffet is at the top of the tech tree in 'Gordon Ramsey: Total War' It enables you to produce volovants that fire by rank, have a slightly longer range than everything else and are adept at hiding in trees.
'Looser' By Beck
According to Wikipedia "Beck was born in Los Angeles, California, to David Campbell, a Canadian musician, and Bibbe Hansen." Beck has three parents. Why they have chosen not to name the Canadian Musician is anyone's guess. I can only assume that it is Kd Lang, Brian Adams or Céline Dion.
'I bombed Korea Every Night' By Cake
The Jaded Freaks of the internet will be surprised to learn that "Bombing Korea" isn't a euphamism for anything. (some Oriental graffitti artists are shaking their fists at me right now....) This is a song that deals with the complex emotional fall out from falling orders that will lead to the deaths of an unknown amount of civilian targets. It's a good song.
'Ultimate Devotion' By Strung Out
Utlimate Devotion devotion until death. That doesn't sound like the basis for a healthy relationship. But then that's not really what this song is about. This is about an unhealthy relationship. (For those outside the UK that last link was to the British Boy Band "Eton" they're getting on a bit now, but still bangin' out the hits.)
'The Alternate Biker' by the Ten Kens
I don't really know what this song is about, but it might have something to do with this
Die Eire Von Satan by Tool
The Eggs of Satan - Half a cup of powdered sugar One quarter teaspoo salt One knifetip Turkish hash Half a pound butter One teaspoon vanilla-sugar Half a pound flour 150 g ground nuts A little extra powdered sugar ... and no eggs Place in a bowl Add butter Add the ground nuts and Knead the dough Form eyeball-size pieces from the dough Roll in the powdered sugar and say the Magic Words: "Sim sala bim bamba sala do saladim" Place on a greased baking pan and Bake at 200 degrees for 15 minutes ...AND NO EGGS Bake at 200 degrees for 15 minutes ...and no eggs.
And Matt thought it was a recipe for eggs.
'The Boy With The Arab Strap' by Belle And Sebastian
Arab Strap? Aparently not. Well then Belle and Sebastian are alot dirtier than I thought they were. I mean what exactly passes for children's television in France! What??!!! Sebastian is a dog? I'm not sure if this makes things better or worse.
'Two Timing Touch and Broken Bones' by the Hives
What could be better than a Swedish rock band. Perhaps a Dutch rock band. Or a rock band where all the founder members had represented a different country at the Eurovision Song contest. A truly Euro-Supergroup. Lets Get EURO! European Superstate of mind. You're in the Euro... Currency to rival the dollar, There's nothing we can't do... sing it with me!
'Unite (Demo)' by The Resonance Association
While we talk about this song I mention a gig where I went to see American Nightmare.
I just want to point out that that it is a true story. Nipple Pinching and all. I think it was at the Full Moon Pub in Bristol In like 1999 and I think they were supported by RKO who are so long dead now that they don't seem to have a web presence but at the time they were local big wigs and serial support acts to the great and the good. Or in the case of American Nightmare... the bad.
'Such Great Heights' Performed by Streetlight Manifesto (Originally by The Postal Service)
Matt Plays this song in tribute to me. He knows and understands my love of the Postal Service. And to be fair this is a damn good cover. Almost anything (even Aha) can be made good by a Ska Rythum. Wait a minute... maybe it's getting a bit tired by now. (still a good song/cover though)
That's all for now folks.
Play him off Keyboard Cat.
You can listen to this episode... HERE
but before we get into all of this, I got something I wanna say ya'll,
last week I was on this crazy tip about how the GLC should do Newport State of Mind... sadly someone apears to have beaten them to it. Also I guess this was always going to happen too. Word to the mother.
here are the
Track Listings
'Find the Cat' by Grand Buffet
The grand buffet is at the top of the tech tree in 'Gordon Ramsey: Total War' It enables you to produce volovants that fire by rank, have a slightly longer range than everything else and are adept at hiding in trees.
'Looser' By Beck
According to Wikipedia "Beck was born in Los Angeles, California, to David Campbell, a Canadian musician, and Bibbe Hansen." Beck has three parents. Why they have chosen not to name the Canadian Musician is anyone's guess. I can only assume that it is Kd Lang, Brian Adams or Céline Dion.
'I bombed Korea Every Night' By Cake
The Jaded Freaks of the internet will be surprised to learn that "Bombing Korea" isn't a euphamism for anything. (some Oriental graffitti artists are shaking their fists at me right now....) This is a song that deals with the complex emotional fall out from falling orders that will lead to the deaths of an unknown amount of civilian targets. It's a good song.
'Ultimate Devotion' By Strung Out
Utlimate Devotion devotion until death. That doesn't sound like the basis for a healthy relationship. But then that's not really what this song is about. This is about an unhealthy relationship. (For those outside the UK that last link was to the British Boy Band "Eton" they're getting on a bit now, but still bangin' out the hits.)
'The Alternate Biker' by the Ten Kens
I don't really know what this song is about, but it might have something to do with this
Die Eire Von Satan by Tool
The Eggs of Satan - Half a cup of powdered sugar One quarter teaspoo salt One knifetip Turkish hash Half a pound butter One teaspoon vanilla-sugar Half a pound flour 150 g ground nuts A little extra powdered sugar ... and no eggs Place in a bowl Add butter Add the ground nuts and Knead the dough Form eyeball-size pieces from the dough Roll in the powdered sugar and say the Magic Words: "Sim sala bim bamba sala do saladim" Place on a greased baking pan and Bake at 200 degrees for 15 minutes ...AND NO EGGS Bake at 200 degrees for 15 minutes ...and no eggs.
And Matt thought it was a recipe for eggs.
'The Boy With The Arab Strap' by Belle And Sebastian
Arab Strap? Aparently not. Well then Belle and Sebastian are alot dirtier than I thought they were. I mean what exactly passes for children's television in France! What??!!! Sebastian is a dog? I'm not sure if this makes things better or worse.
'Two Timing Touch and Broken Bones' by the Hives
What could be better than a Swedish rock band. Perhaps a Dutch rock band. Or a rock band where all the founder members had represented a different country at the Eurovision Song contest. A truly Euro-Supergroup. Lets Get EURO! European Superstate of mind. You're in the Euro... Currency to rival the dollar, There's nothing we can't do... sing it with me!
'Unite (Demo)' by The Resonance Association
While we talk about this song I mention a gig where I went to see American Nightmare.
I just want to point out that that it is a true story. Nipple Pinching and all. I think it was at the Full Moon Pub in Bristol In like 1999 and I think they were supported by RKO who are so long dead now that they don't seem to have a web presence but at the time they were local big wigs and serial support acts to the great and the good. Or in the case of American Nightmare... the bad.
'Such Great Heights' Performed by Streetlight Manifesto (Originally by The Postal Service)
Matt Plays this song in tribute to me. He knows and understands my love of the Postal Service. And to be fair this is a damn good cover. Almost anything (even Aha) can be made good by a Ska Rythum. Wait a minute... maybe it's getting a bit tired by now. (still a good song/cover though)
That's all for now folks.
Play him off Keyboard Cat.
Tuesday, 27 April 2010
12: The Banana-Hammock Years...
You can listen to this potassium and fibre rich episode (with vital vitamins such as B6, C and A) HERE
If it doesn't work then why not try right-clicking on it and choosing 'save as' then you can listen to it in your own time. You can even put it on an MP3 player, pop it on in your car and drive around with the window's down. Watch as millions of people try desperately to re-tune their radios to the soothing, methadone like, sound of the Erotic Toast Project... then laugh, because you know full well it's an Mp3 and they'll never find us. NEVER. (93.2 Fridays @9 in Bristol... specifically in Easton and the surrounding area, preferably in line of sight of the BCFM transmitter)
Anyway. We start this episode by crowbarring the word Banana-hammock into the show so that Matt can win a bet. We go downhill from there.
and Now...
Track listings!
Matt chose all the tracks from this episode, I will do my best to explain why he did.
There was talk about this being the "skapecial" I don't actually know anything about Ska-Punk, perhaps this is the reason.
'Waiting for My Ruca' and 'Forty Ounces to Freedom' by Sublime
I guess the real tragedy of Sublime is that Bradley Nowell, Leadsinger and guitarist died before they ever really made it big. Like a lot of fatal heroin overdoses it came after a period of being clean. During the time he was clean he lost some of his tolerance for the drug and thus the regular dose he had been used to was enough to kill him. This isn't funny so there aren't any links.
'What's Left of the Flag' by Flogging Molly
Never fly your banana-hammock at half mast. I'm pretty sure this band is Dutch or Scottish or something, no wait a minute... They're Irish. probably the most obviously Irish band in the history of that tortured and beautiful Celtic Isle. In Ireland, even the sky is green. Green with Guinness and envy.
'We Will Fall Together' by Streetlight Manifesto
I end up having to do a coldplay style remix of this track because Matt brought a scratched ass CD to the party. This isn't the first time this has happened. here's How it should have sounded. As a a punishment to Matt here is just another reason why everyone in the world secretly loves Coldplay.
'Organ Donor (Extended Overhaul)' by DJ Shadow and Qbert
Yo, where my yo-yo at, Yo?
Word is, Qbert sometimes goes by the name of Grandmixer Qbert, having now given birth to two generations of mixers. Back in reality now, Qbert's first ever DJ Battle was against Mixmaster Mike. They did it in their high-school cafeteria, Qbert lost. But that's really irrelevant now. I mean seriously man... I went to the wrong school. The best I could hope for of a lunch time was a hair and nails brawl between rival gangs of rude-girls.
let me also add... Hot sexy lady-monks is where it is at.
'99 Red Balloons' by Goldfinger
The original title of this song is 99 luftballons, which I am told means red balloons in German. It doesn't, it means, Air Balloons. Unless the Luftwaffe meant the Red Force, which seems unlikely given their less-than-communist leanings at the time. For the sake of balance allow me to add that I love Germany! Hanover Rocks. I love an efficient public transport system. I love Dinner for one! I am a Danish!
'Rusty Cage' By Soundgarden
Matt chastises Soundgarden for breaking up and then getting back together and not being as good as they were the first time around. What I find appealing about this particular rant is that he seems to assume that they are actually listening to our show. When this went out, Soundgarden had just come off the back of a concert in Seattle, and while it's mathematically possible that they all got on a plane and flew to Easton It doesn't take Carol Vorderman to work out that it's statistically unlikely.
For any who were wondering, The Soundgarden was on the PC version of Roadrash and not the Megadrive (Genesis US) version we all knew and loved. I actually played more Roadrash 2 than anything else.
'(Welcome to The) City of Thieves' by Sonic Boom Six
When I was Kid my sister got in with a bad crowd and they broke into our house and robbed all our stuff. My mum decided the family would be better off if we all moved to the countryside. As a result I spent a lot of my teenage years surrounded by sheep and cows and experiencing a strange sense of empathy whenever I watched the Fresh Prince of Bell Air. It's what made me the man I am today.
'Butterfly' by Weezer
Another song, or rather 'internet phenomenon' that features a butterfly is 'Die Antwoord' (Not safe for work.) meaning 'The Answer', it's basically an angry and confused Afrikaan gentleman yelling about how he's a Ninja. I think it got popular because of the schoolgirl striptease and the dude with premature ageing disorder. You know what maybe i'm being to hard on them... It does kind of get stuck in your head and all the weird stuff he did as MaxNormal.TV is pretty cool and very odd. Quoting a random youtube commenter... 'I could never hate on something that took this much risk and was so different.'
On a side note...
Who Remembers Nightmare?
If it doesn't work then why not try right-clicking on it and choosing 'save as' then you can listen to it in your own time. You can even put it on an MP3 player, pop it on in your car and drive around with the window's down. Watch as millions of people try desperately to re-tune their radios to the soothing, methadone like, sound of the Erotic Toast Project... then laugh, because you know full well it's an Mp3 and they'll never find us. NEVER. (93.2 Fridays @9 in Bristol... specifically in Easton and the surrounding area, preferably in line of sight of the BCFM transmitter)
Anyway. We start this episode by crowbarring the word Banana-hammock into the show so that Matt can win a bet. We go downhill from there.
and Now...
Track listings!
Matt chose all the tracks from this episode, I will do my best to explain why he did.
There was talk about this being the "skapecial" I don't actually know anything about Ska-Punk, perhaps this is the reason.
'Waiting for My Ruca' and 'Forty Ounces to Freedom' by Sublime
I guess the real tragedy of Sublime is that Bradley Nowell, Leadsinger and guitarist died before they ever really made it big. Like a lot of fatal heroin overdoses it came after a period of being clean. During the time he was clean he lost some of his tolerance for the drug and thus the regular dose he had been used to was enough to kill him. This isn't funny so there aren't any links.
'What's Left of the Flag' by Flogging Molly
Never fly your banana-hammock at half mast. I'm pretty sure this band is Dutch or Scottish or something, no wait a minute... They're Irish. probably the most obviously Irish band in the history of that tortured and beautiful Celtic Isle. In Ireland, even the sky is green. Green with Guinness and envy.
'We Will Fall Together' by Streetlight Manifesto
I end up having to do a coldplay style remix of this track because Matt brought a scratched ass CD to the party. This isn't the first time this has happened. here's How it should have sounded. As a a punishment to Matt here is just another reason why everyone in the world secretly loves Coldplay.
'Organ Donor (Extended Overhaul)' by DJ Shadow and Qbert
Yo, where my yo-yo at, Yo?
Word is, Qbert sometimes goes by the name of Grandmixer Qbert, having now given birth to two generations of mixers. Back in reality now, Qbert's first ever DJ Battle was against Mixmaster Mike. They did it in their high-school cafeteria, Qbert lost. But that's really irrelevant now. I mean seriously man... I went to the wrong school. The best I could hope for of a lunch time was a hair and nails brawl between rival gangs of rude-girls.
let me also add... Hot sexy lady-monks is where it is at.
'99 Red Balloons' by Goldfinger
The original title of this song is 99 luftballons, which I am told means red balloons in German. It doesn't, it means, Air Balloons. Unless the Luftwaffe meant the Red Force, which seems unlikely given their less-than-communist leanings at the time. For the sake of balance allow me to add that I love Germany! Hanover Rocks. I love an efficient public transport system. I love Dinner for one! I am a Danish!
'Rusty Cage' By Soundgarden
Matt chastises Soundgarden for breaking up and then getting back together and not being as good as they were the first time around. What I find appealing about this particular rant is that he seems to assume that they are actually listening to our show. When this went out, Soundgarden had just come off the back of a concert in Seattle, and while it's mathematically possible that they all got on a plane and flew to Easton It doesn't take Carol Vorderman to work out that it's statistically unlikely.
For any who were wondering, The Soundgarden was on the PC version of Roadrash and not the Megadrive (Genesis US) version we all knew and loved. I actually played more Roadrash 2 than anything else.
'(Welcome to The) City of Thieves' by Sonic Boom Six
When I was Kid my sister got in with a bad crowd and they broke into our house and robbed all our stuff. My mum decided the family would be better off if we all moved to the countryside. As a result I spent a lot of my teenage years surrounded by sheep and cows and experiencing a strange sense of empathy whenever I watched the Fresh Prince of Bell Air. It's what made me the man I am today.
'Butterfly' by Weezer
Another song, or rather 'internet phenomenon' that features a butterfly is 'Die Antwoord' (Not safe for work.) meaning 'The Answer', it's basically an angry and confused Afrikaan gentleman yelling about how he's a Ninja. I think it got popular because of the schoolgirl striptease and the dude with premature ageing disorder. You know what maybe i'm being to hard on them... It does kind of get stuck in your head and all the weird stuff he did as MaxNormal.TV is pretty cool and very odd. Quoting a random youtube commenter... 'I could never hate on something that took this much risk and was so different.'
On a side note...
Who Remembers Nightmare?
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