What if for just one year, soap operas stopped presenting Christmas as some kind of hellish festival of domestic violence and inter-familiar aggression? what if they decided to do Christmas like the movies do it? Why not have a character we are all rooting for face insurmountable odds and overcome them, armed with nothing but the miracle of human kindness?
Could not a child make a wish? Could that wish not come true..? Could I please be that child?
If I was in charge of Eastenders, all the dogs would talk and every twenty minutes the humans would burst into song.
Sadly I'm not in charge of Eastenders...
Instead I chose to waste my life by working for a living and co-hosting (for free) a radio show that precludes me from ever getting a proper job in broadcasting. If you want to listen to this latest career mistake then click...
Here
TRACK LISTINGS
'Rent a Cop' By Ben Folds
At the age of 26, I defeated 10'000 applicants to get myself an interview for a trainee writer position for BBC Teens. If I had got that job I would have moved to London, would have excelled as a writer and would probably have my own series by now. Sadly I got crazy nervous and badly screwed up the interview. Oddly enough I still believed I had done pretty well all things considered and that it was just a matter of time before my obvious talent was discovered.
'Miles Davis and the Cool' by Gas Light Anthem
A little later on I got another interview for a job as a development researcher for television drama. Had I got that job I would have spent all day reading scripts, assessing them for feasibility and artistic merit. I would be an expert in commissioning television drama by now and would have a healthy bank balance and a back-catalogue of my own commissioned work to boot.
I stupidly told the interview panel I had 'no idea about broadcasting guidelines, but learn things really really fast'. They gave the job to a guy with one arm. I couldn't really argue with that.
'Lullaby (Divorce Song)' by Steven Lynch
By now I actually do have a back catalogue, but mostly it's of half formed ideas on scraps of note paper, and word documents with weird names that I don't really remember writing. That and a pile of failed application forms and cover letters to agents, production companies and magazines that either never got back to me or replied in the negative. I'm still not totally sure what I'm doing wrong.
'Christina, She Don't Know That I Exist' by Street Light Manifesto
I have had some mild success... I've had a couple of stories read on Radio 4... I've written a few scripts. One of them got through to the second round of the writers room. That was a bitter sweet email of feedback... I haven't written another script since I got that letter. I'm not really sure why.
'C.R.E.A.M (Cash Rules Everything Around Me)' by The Wu Tang Clan
I spend a lot of my time working to get money. I spend a lot of my money travelling to get to work. It's a crazy situation but there just doesn't seem to be any way out of it. Just one of those things I guess. Still at least I have a Job.
'Justified Black Eye' by No Use For a Name
Every year I set myself goals, then I blink and it's over and I'm another year older and I still haven't written that novel. I'm 31 now. I cried a lot around my birthday. I cried over movies, I cried over songs in the car... I cried about everything.
'Old School' by DangerDoom
So maybe I'm not the genius I thought I was when I was at Uni. Maybe I'm one of those failed ass writers I used to laugh and point at. 'I'll never be like you' I said... 'I'm too fucking talented, too full of ideas'. Perhaps it would be closer to the truth to say I am too lazy and too easily distracted to make it in the real world. I guess the important this is not to be bitter about the whole thing.
Today's Empires, Tomorrow's Ashes' by Propergandhi
There must be more of me out there. A legion of also-rans with a draw full of scripts and a few short films bouncing around on their hard-drives and taking up space. There must be a billion stubble-faced 30 somethings bitching lyrical about their bum luck on some blog that nobody reads.
Sometimes at night I can hear them all shuffling to refrigerator for a late night stack, getting slowly fatter and wondering where it all went wrong.
Maybe we should start some sort of club.
A support group maybe...
With a witty name.
Maybe not.
This year, for Christmas I'm not writing any goals. This year I'm just asking for a miracle.
Bristol Community FM's Flagship Friday Night Music Show Fridays at 7pm on 93.2fm
Showing posts with label The Gas Light Anthem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Gas Light Anthem. Show all posts
Monday, 6 December 2010
Tuesday, 13 July 2010
21: Trilogy of Pain pt.3
Lets say you start life with a bucket of joy, but that bucket has a pinhole in it. Just a small one, so you don't think to fix the damn thing. And then 30 years later there's f all left in the bucket and you're left sitting all alone and crying, in a Weatherspoons in Milton Keynes. Tears dripping from your sweaty chin into a cheap pint of... Bitter.
You can hear this episode. HERE
This week it is dedicated to despare.
Track Lisitngs
'I Never Came' by Queens of the Stone Age
When Pandora opened her box of human suffering, the last thing to come flying out was hope. When they tell this story to children, they tend to sell hope as a kind of concelation prize. Something that makes all the other problems in the world bearable. Sometime I think that hope is just as bad as the others. when you get hit, hope makes you get up and get hit again. Makes you que in line for an audience with Simon Cowell, makes you think that all your hard work and dedication will be rewarded rather than abused. Hope is not a friend... hope... she is the bigest bitch of them all.
'Juliane' by Ben Folds Five
At one time I thought this was a happy song about new found freedom. It's not it's about a man over-compensating for the massive blow he has been dealt. Weighed down by the weight of despare he is unable to walk and can only run and dance like fool. Like a man on hot coals, he waves his arms not in celebration but in desperation. The garbage he drags up and down the road is not physical, but emotional. He himself is inside that black polythene bag, kicked around and gasping for air.
'Take this Bottle' by Faith No More
They tell you not bottle it all up inside, but if you wander into your place of work and lay all your junk out on the desk they tend to call security. Perhaps it's best to flip randomly between the two. Bottle it all up in public but then the moment you are alone, wail like a dog towards the moon. Let it all out my lupine friend, let it all flow out into midnight sky.
'I Will Survive' by Cake (First performed by Gloria Gaynor, but written by Freddie Perren and Dino Fekaris.)
The killer line in this track is this one 'It took all the strenght I had just not to fall apart'. Forget about progress. Progress is impossible, the best you can hope for is for things not to get worse and it may well take all your strengh to make that simple dream come true. Last night I dreamed I was the rain, falling from the sky pulled down, first onto the ground, then poluted and dragged into the drain before becoming lost in an endless sea of obscurity.
'Home of the Brave' and 'The Individual' by Spiritualized
Home. What do we think of when we think of Home. That place exists only in the past, sometimes in the futures. Home is the lie, the great lie of a wasted sunday afternoon. a summer's day, a clear pool of water, a singing fish, a picket fence. Home is a place you have never been. Home is being dry humped by a labrador while sixteen cops simultainously put tickets on your car.
'Still Alive' Written by Jonathan Coulton and performed by Ellen McLain
How much of your average day is speant staring at a computer. How many people do you know that you would rather not talk to face to face. Birthday messages flash up from friends you haven't seen for fifteen years and will not see again. They seem to be doing ok. It's hard to imagine how they do it. Was there some fork in the road. A seminal moment. Something you should have said. Perhaps that job interview up in London a couple of years back. The one you didn't get. Maybe that would have turned things around.
'Here's Looking at You Kid' by the Gaslight Anthem
What would you say if you could meet yourself. Your ten year old self. The shy worried creature which still exists beneath that bluff layer of comedy that you built and built until it was loud enough and abnoxious enough to get it's own show on BCFM. What would you say to that skinny sun-tanned little boy. Would you tell him not to worry, would you tell him everything was going to be ok? Would you lie?
'Dance Me to the End of Love' by Leonard Cohen
Cleaning my house I pause to look through a draw full of photographs. Youthful faces, young hearts beat beneath morter boards and gowns. We are graduating. the world is our oyster, but we have no idea what we are in for. Not one of us has ever been hit in the face by an oyster before.
Only one link this week.
This one
You can hear this episode. HERE
This week it is dedicated to despare.
Track Lisitngs
'I Never Came' by Queens of the Stone Age
When Pandora opened her box of human suffering, the last thing to come flying out was hope. When they tell this story to children, they tend to sell hope as a kind of concelation prize. Something that makes all the other problems in the world bearable. Sometime I think that hope is just as bad as the others. when you get hit, hope makes you get up and get hit again. Makes you que in line for an audience with Simon Cowell, makes you think that all your hard work and dedication will be rewarded rather than abused. Hope is not a friend... hope... she is the bigest bitch of them all.
'Juliane' by Ben Folds Five
At one time I thought this was a happy song about new found freedom. It's not it's about a man over-compensating for the massive blow he has been dealt. Weighed down by the weight of despare he is unable to walk and can only run and dance like fool. Like a man on hot coals, he waves his arms not in celebration but in desperation. The garbage he drags up and down the road is not physical, but emotional. He himself is inside that black polythene bag, kicked around and gasping for air.
'Take this Bottle' by Faith No More
They tell you not bottle it all up inside, but if you wander into your place of work and lay all your junk out on the desk they tend to call security. Perhaps it's best to flip randomly between the two. Bottle it all up in public but then the moment you are alone, wail like a dog towards the moon. Let it all out my lupine friend, let it all flow out into midnight sky.
'I Will Survive' by Cake (First performed by Gloria Gaynor, but written by Freddie Perren and Dino Fekaris.)
The killer line in this track is this one 'It took all the strenght I had just not to fall apart'. Forget about progress. Progress is impossible, the best you can hope for is for things not to get worse and it may well take all your strengh to make that simple dream come true. Last night I dreamed I was the rain, falling from the sky pulled down, first onto the ground, then poluted and dragged into the drain before becoming lost in an endless sea of obscurity.
'Home of the Brave' and 'The Individual' by Spiritualized
Home. What do we think of when we think of Home. That place exists only in the past, sometimes in the futures. Home is the lie, the great lie of a wasted sunday afternoon. a summer's day, a clear pool of water, a singing fish, a picket fence. Home is a place you have never been. Home is being dry humped by a labrador while sixteen cops simultainously put tickets on your car.
'Still Alive' Written by Jonathan Coulton and performed by Ellen McLain
How much of your average day is speant staring at a computer. How many people do you know that you would rather not talk to face to face. Birthday messages flash up from friends you haven't seen for fifteen years and will not see again. They seem to be doing ok. It's hard to imagine how they do it. Was there some fork in the road. A seminal moment. Something you should have said. Perhaps that job interview up in London a couple of years back. The one you didn't get. Maybe that would have turned things around.
'Here's Looking at You Kid' by the Gaslight Anthem
What would you say if you could meet yourself. Your ten year old self. The shy worried creature which still exists beneath that bluff layer of comedy that you built and built until it was loud enough and abnoxious enough to get it's own show on BCFM. What would you say to that skinny sun-tanned little boy. Would you tell him not to worry, would you tell him everything was going to be ok? Would you lie?
'Dance Me to the End of Love' by Leonard Cohen
Cleaning my house I pause to look through a draw full of photographs. Youthful faces, young hearts beat beneath morter boards and gowns. We are graduating. the world is our oyster, but we have no idea what we are in for. Not one of us has ever been hit in the face by an oyster before.
Only one link this week.
This one
Thursday, 25 February 2010
5: The Rodeo Special...
TO listen to this episode, click Here
Our USP:
in 1983 both Matt and I were imprisoned for a crime we did not commit and placed in a minimum security prison, from which we promptly escaped. If you need our help and you can find us, then maybe you can listen in to our show. Fridays at 9 or click on the link above.
Track Listings
'El Rodeo' by Kyuss
I presume that Kyuss is a misspelling of kius, a god-ugly cross between the Ford KA and the Toyota Prius, neither of which had been invented at the time the band rose to fame. In reality it turns out they were named after a god from the Dungeons and Dragons Universe, which is pretty geeky. Kyuss began their career banging out their tracks for free surrounded by miles and miles of peyote infested desert. Like ballplayers on a field of dreams, people came out to watch them play. The rest is history. (They broke up in 95 but went on to form at least 2 of your favourite bands)
El Rodeo is not, as Matt and I thought about a rodeo. it appears to be about a particularity harsh prison outside of Caracas in Venezuela. DO NOT COMMIT A CRIME IN SOUTH AMERICA!
'White Collar Boy' by Belle and Sebastian
This is a ballad about a rich kid that gets into a little bit of trouble with the law and then kind of goes down hill from there. Belle and Sebastian are a Scottish Band. Not a 'French, Dutch or Swedish or Something' Duet as I may claim during this show. I am wrong and should have done better research. I am sick of being wrong. I am sick to damn death of smug people telling me I am wrong about stuff. How is it everybody else in the world seems to already know everything. I'm not a stupid guy. I'm not lazy. I have my own show. Do they have their own show? NO, they don't, I do... so they can piss off. Still what do I get for all my efforts? Next to nothing. I want a better paid job and a nice car and a family bucket of chicken.
'Heroes Get Remembered' (not Beatdown in the key of happy) by Four Year Strong
Four year strong released this Fire Safety Anthem, that advocates fighting fire with fire, pre-emptively. The idea being that if you burn the house down on purpose, then it's impossible to do it by accident. Matt loves this track but to be honest it bores me to death. Death is approaching, probably in a house fire.
'Worn Down a Knuckle Too Far' by James
When I first, heard James, it was during that period in time when everyone in in Bristol worked for BT, I'd just gone through my induction training and I was given a CD by one of my workmates. He was from Manchester, called James and had a voice almost identical to the lead singer. I lost touch with James the person, but my memory of him and my memory of the band will always share an intrinsic link. I last saw James the person, at 'Dig In' a kind of eclectic hippy night they used to run at The Thekla before it went all upmarket. I never actually asked him if he was in the band, but I assume that he wasn't.
'Deep Inside' by Incubus
Jazz fusion meets rock apocalypse in the lounge of the Sacramento Holiday Inn. it's two pm but you've been through so many time-zones you have not idea. Your luggage has been lost in Heathrow and your facing a whole convention full of Southpark fans with only the cheap sweatpants and non-logo knitted jumper you travelled in. It's cheap drinks at the bar and an attractive blond spikes your drink with a syringe full of pure Ethanol. Suddenly you can't see straight. If you want to take the blond to your room, turn to page 104 If you want to try and make it to the bathroom before you throw up, turn to page 16. to stay where you are, just read this page again.
'Stranger' The Presidents of the USA.
There was really only one link I could post with this. OK Maybe two links . I saw the presidents live in London once and I lost a shoe in the middle of the mosh pit. Then I found someone else's shoe and then just went on moshing. When the gig was over I had to hunt around in the mess until I eventually found my own shoe, lying covered in blood next to the body of a badly-beaten, dead roadie. Coincidence? I think not.
'Meet Me By The River's Edge' by The Gas Light Anthem
The Gas Light Anthem are from New Brunswick in New Jersey. They are not however Nu metal. They're actually pretty old-school and have been compared to Springsteen. it's almost as if Springsteen is their boss and they are a band formed from a bunch of his employees. despite calls for them to do so, The GLA refuse to perform naked or even Semi Naked. Though they have been quoted as saying they would do a nude scene in a movie if it was tastefully done. This Song talks a lot about the things Sally Said. Here is another song about things Sally said.
'Forget the Souvenirs' by The Stares
Surely Souvenirs are things to help you remember. once you've forgotten them, what do you have left?
The Stares really aren't famous at all, but they are awesome so please go to their website and buy an album. I'm not sure if it's available on Itunes at all, or really anywhere other than their website. Maybe if we buy enough albums they will finally release another great record. I saw them live in a smokey little bar in Seattle. Those were the days when I was young and cocky and had an expendable income. I'm sad to say we fade this out before the song even finishes, and when it went out on air they pretty much faded it out as soon as it started. I will never forgive them.
Goodnight.
Our USP:
in 1983 both Matt and I were imprisoned for a crime we did not commit and placed in a minimum security prison, from which we promptly escaped. If you need our help and you can find us, then maybe you can listen in to our show. Fridays at 9 or click on the link above.
Track Listings
'El Rodeo' by Kyuss
I presume that Kyuss is a misspelling of kius, a god-ugly cross between the Ford KA and the Toyota Prius, neither of which had been invented at the time the band rose to fame. In reality it turns out they were named after a god from the Dungeons and Dragons Universe, which is pretty geeky. Kyuss began their career banging out their tracks for free surrounded by miles and miles of peyote infested desert. Like ballplayers on a field of dreams, people came out to watch them play. The rest is history. (They broke up in 95 but went on to form at least 2 of your favourite bands)
El Rodeo is not, as Matt and I thought about a rodeo. it appears to be about a particularity harsh prison outside of Caracas in Venezuela. DO NOT COMMIT A CRIME IN SOUTH AMERICA!
'White Collar Boy' by Belle and Sebastian
This is a ballad about a rich kid that gets into a little bit of trouble with the law and then kind of goes down hill from there. Belle and Sebastian are a Scottish Band. Not a 'French, Dutch or Swedish or Something' Duet as I may claim during this show. I am wrong and should have done better research. I am sick of being wrong. I am sick to damn death of smug people telling me I am wrong about stuff. How is it everybody else in the world seems to already know everything. I'm not a stupid guy. I'm not lazy. I have my own show. Do they have their own show? NO, they don't, I do... so they can piss off. Still what do I get for all my efforts? Next to nothing. I want a better paid job and a nice car and a family bucket of chicken.
'Heroes Get Remembered' (not Beatdown in the key of happy) by Four Year Strong
Four year strong released this Fire Safety Anthem, that advocates fighting fire with fire, pre-emptively. The idea being that if you burn the house down on purpose, then it's impossible to do it by accident. Matt loves this track but to be honest it bores me to death. Death is approaching, probably in a house fire.
'Worn Down a Knuckle Too Far' by James
When I first, heard James, it was during that period in time when everyone in in Bristol worked for BT, I'd just gone through my induction training and I was given a CD by one of my workmates. He was from Manchester, called James and had a voice almost identical to the lead singer. I lost touch with James the person, but my memory of him and my memory of the band will always share an intrinsic link. I last saw James the person, at 'Dig In' a kind of eclectic hippy night they used to run at The Thekla before it went all upmarket. I never actually asked him if he was in the band, but I assume that he wasn't.
'Deep Inside' by Incubus
Jazz fusion meets rock apocalypse in the lounge of the Sacramento Holiday Inn. it's two pm but you've been through so many time-zones you have not idea. Your luggage has been lost in Heathrow and your facing a whole convention full of Southpark fans with only the cheap sweatpants and non-logo knitted jumper you travelled in. It's cheap drinks at the bar and an attractive blond spikes your drink with a syringe full of pure Ethanol. Suddenly you can't see straight. If you want to take the blond to your room, turn to page 104 If you want to try and make it to the bathroom before you throw up, turn to page 16. to stay where you are, just read this page again.
'Stranger' The Presidents of the USA.
There was really only one link I could post with this. OK Maybe two links . I saw the presidents live in London once and I lost a shoe in the middle of the mosh pit. Then I found someone else's shoe and then just went on moshing. When the gig was over I had to hunt around in the mess until I eventually found my own shoe, lying covered in blood next to the body of a badly-beaten, dead roadie. Coincidence? I think not.
'Meet Me By The River's Edge' by The Gas Light Anthem
The Gas Light Anthem are from New Brunswick in New Jersey. They are not however Nu metal. They're actually pretty old-school and have been compared to Springsteen. it's almost as if Springsteen is their boss and they are a band formed from a bunch of his employees. despite calls for them to do so, The GLA refuse to perform naked or even Semi Naked. Though they have been quoted as saying they would do a nude scene in a movie if it was tastefully done. This Song talks a lot about the things Sally Said. Here is another song about things Sally said.
'Forget the Souvenirs' by The Stares
Surely Souvenirs are things to help you remember. once you've forgotten them, what do you have left?
The Stares really aren't famous at all, but they are awesome so please go to their website and buy an album. I'm not sure if it's available on Itunes at all, or really anywhere other than their website. Maybe if we buy enough albums they will finally release another great record. I saw them live in a smokey little bar in Seattle. Those were the days when I was young and cocky and had an expendable income. I'm sad to say we fade this out before the song even finishes, and when it went out on air they pretty much faded it out as soon as it started. I will never forgive them.
Goodnight.
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