43: The Quantum Conundrum

I remember the first time I saw the snow. It was 1989 and I was nine years old. My parents had left me alone in the house because they wanted to go to swingers party and figured I'd just get in the way.
I got bored of the television around 2am and wandered outside into the street. Despite the sound of distant sirens, I remember being filled up by a sense of calm. In the pale glow of the street-light even the concrete seemed soft. Blanketed in sheets of white, the perennial piles of rotting garbage looking somehow clean, perhaps even... forgiven.
For just one night. My hellish life in the city lost its cynical edge. 

By morning the snow had turned to a rancid brown sludge and a few doors down there was a gap with a cherry red smear around the edges. It turned out that, that was where a gang of kids had beat a hobo half to death. They probably would have killed him if my parents hadn't interrupted them.

I learned that night that nothing gets corrupted faster or more thoroughly than virgin snow on the blood red streets of the city. Not even you.

In order to listen to this weeks thrilling episode of the ETP, press...

PLAY


Track Listings

'Denise' by Fountains of Wayne
Some people might describe an unpaid weekly podcast/blog combo as little more than a pointless vanity project. Looking at my/our listening figures it is difficult for me/us to argue against them. In my/our defence I would like to point out that if I/we can make just one person think that I/we am/are cooler than I/we really am/are, then I think that I/we can chalk that one down as a win for vanity. The truth is that by getting my/our shit together and turning up on a semi-weekly basis I/we have proved that I/we am/are better than you pigs.


'Tommy C' by Dan Le Sac and Scroobius Pip
I'm/We're really sorry I/we just called you all pigs. You are not pigs. A lot of you are sexy/independent women. Some of you are hairless and capable men. By making the choice to both tune in and download the programme, you have transcended the porcine aspects of your character and joined the ranks of the enlightened. Come, join hands with me/us and let us all ride together on this new and exciting plane of existence. Together/alone, brethren,  I/we shall complain loudly about how Dan Le Sac and Scroobius Pip, although highly capable, will never quite match the potential they displayed in that 'Thou shalt always kill' video on Youtube.


'Oh My God' By Ida Maria
What the hell is it that you people want from me/us? Why don't you go and record your own stupid show and leave me/us alone? Sometimes I/we think about buying a gun and moving to the middle of a national park. I/we want to go a live the life of a bear. I/we want to stride through the open countryside with my/our cubs in tow. I/we want nothing more than enough protein to get through the harsh Yellowstone winter.  I/we want to have my/our image captured by a photographer from National Geographic as I/we stand proud and naked upon a prominence above a crystal blue lake.

See below for detail

'Rock for Sustainable Capitalism' Propagandhi
I/we guess our/my desire to be photographed, reveals the fact that I/we really do need the love and adulation of my/our fellow man/lady. I/we would be lost without the proximity and praise of you the warm-bodied listener. Perhaps in the future I/we will have an army of robotic fans to mob and molest me/us in the street. Until that time comes I/we have you. Thank-you for tuning in. I/we really mean that. Without you the show would be nothing.

'Long Time' by Cake
 'Fame is fleeting', said Oscar Wild, 'but obscurity is forever'
'Forever is a mighty long time', said Prince, desperately hoping that no-one would notice he was taking himself far too seriously.

You like Prince don't you. You're willing to forgive his occasional forays into nobbishness and even his last three albums if it gives you the chance to bask in the light of his reflected purple glory. You really are a massive idiot. Only you're best friend would tell you... but you are.

'Looking for my Leopard' by Seven Seconds of Love 
When I/we say 'you'... I/we don't mean you. How could I/we possibly mean you. I/we don't even know you. Probably. You could be Brian Cox for all I/we know. You could be Justin Lee Collins. You could be a contender for gods sake. 
Just who do I/we mean when I/we say you then?
Probably me/us. That's who I/we are really talking about here. At heart I/we am/are a/all Fanboy/Fanboys. Surely there is nothing wrong with having heroes. Surely that deserves to be forgiven, perhaps even encouraged.

'Breaking the Girl' by The Red Hot Chilly Peppers

See... look... Erotic Toast... get it!

Flea plays the flute on this track. That doesn't sit well in your mind with your image of Flea, the muscular Bass player with the fixed speed-head grin and outlandish tatoos. When you think of the flute you imagine polished public school girls pursing their lips. You imagine Ron Burgundy popping his head under the toilet door. This new contradiction introduces you/us to a new and interesting quatum state of mind where flea can exist on both Bass Guitar and the Flute at the same time. I/we are betting that this is more than your monkey brain can handle. Unless of course you/we are professor Brian Cox.

'Thinking about You' by Radiohead
Damn you/us Brian Cox, Damn you/us to hell.  I/we are going to the bathroom. I/we are typing this message. I/we are out eating a meal with my/our cousin because it's his/your birthday.
What time is it?
It's that time of day when my/our wife gets home and wonders why we/you haven't done any washing up yet. I/we will tell you/us what time it is/isn't. It's time for me/us/you to go.

Goodnight.

40: The Sexual Bread Project (featuring special guest Dann Casswell}

Heeeeyyy! I'm drinking kworfee here! What's that, bub? Yeah, I got yer latest ETP right here, pal!

Just press

 PLAY


So Dann got fired. It was bound to happen sooner or later, and at least it wasn't for sexual misconduct with the cleaner. So I had to do this show by myself. Luckily, I had on hand a special guest I could rope in for co-presenting duties. Unfortunately, it was Dann.

'Duel of the Iron Mic' by The Gza and the Wu Tang Clan
Seriously, he pronounces his name 'the jizzer'? That boy has issues.

'Shock and Awe' and 'I'm Losing Weight for You' by You Me and Everyone We Know
I've never seen the film. Dann keeps making jokes about it and I never get them. I feel so alone.

i'm bored now so this is all you're getting. if you want write ups from someone who doesnt have ADHD  you better re-hire Dann.

coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,

'Comfort Eagle' by Cake
coffee Eagle,

'Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want' performed by The Deftones originally by The Smiths 
coffee,  is what I want.


'Start Wearing Purple' by Gogol Bordello
coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,

'Even When I'm Winning, I Feel Bad' by Bomb The Music Industry!
coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,

'Virginia Moon' by Nora Jones and Dave Grohl
coffee,  coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, (they totally did it) coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,



'Icicle' by Tori Amos
coffee,  coffee, Filth, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, hot hot filthy hot coffee.
 

Bad is good baby, down with government!

Matt has Left the building.

Goodnight!

34: The banana in your Tail Pipe Special

In the car on the way to the studio I said to Matt that I had not realised the metaphorical significance of the Banana in the Tail Pipe joke in the Beverly Hils Cop film. (much loved but now forgotten classic of the 1980s childhood) and he admitted to me that it was indeed a revelation to him.  So we started the show with it.

A show you can listen to
  
Here
We do actually have another theme... or at least I do, but more about that in the...

Track listings

'Dann's Old Friend Dave is a Tool/ Don't let her pull you down' by A New Found Glory 
I have a few friends call Dave. None of them are "tools". I especially like Big Dave who got drunk at my wedding, threw up a lot and then passed out in the long grass. Also Dave the Librarian who writes stories about Joan of Arc and takes girls to Gay Bars when they are feeling down. Finally there is Dave the Doctor, he was kind of a tool when we were teens I guess but he has a beard now which has to count for something.

'Brand New Colony' The Postal Service
I think we have played this before so I am just going to seek out what wrote last time and insert it here as a quote. I sure it will be pure gold... I'm wrong we haven't. This is embarrassing. Um... does anyone want any more potato chips? Hey err... why don't we play twister?

'She Found You' by Sam I Am.
When I went to school I had a friend called Sam. We were good buddies for years. Towards the end of my time at that school I started getting bullied pretty bad and Sam never stood up for me.  Infact he kind of ditched me and joined in with the bullies. This ones for you traitor, I will never forgive you.

'Dime' by Cake
Cake. Possible the best and most underrated band in history. There they are pumping classic tracks in to obscurity while you the public are dishing out your hard earned credit to fill the local landfill with a billion plastic renditions of 'hit me baby one more time' be ashamed of yourselves you sick ass horny bastards.

'Alive with the Glory of Love' Say Anything
During the build up to this song I had no idea how good this was going to be. I think it may now be my current favourite song. After the one about the monkey riding the pig of course... and the theme tune to Happy Days...  Still it's up there though, definitely top ten.

"Blue Picasso" Peter, Bjorn and John
 Matt's thoughts on this track, take the form of a jingle advertising the community radio station that is fool enough to broadcast us every Friday Night at 8pm. 93.2 


'Babylon' by Skindred
I don't know about you, but I've been babbling on all night... 


'Hat and Feet' by Fountains of Wayne
I am at work right now. I've been here since 8am. I'm not going to leave the building till midnight. I know exactly how this dude feels.

Goodnight.

21: Trilogy of Pain pt.3

Lets say you start life with a bucket of joy, but that bucket has a pinhole in it. Just a small one, so you don't think to fix the damn thing. And then 30 years later there's f all left in the bucket and you're left sitting all alone and crying, in a Weatherspoons in Milton Keynes. Tears dripping from your sweaty chin into a cheap pint of... Bitter.

You can hear this episode.  HERE

This week it is dedicated to despare.
Track Lisitngs

'I Never Came'  by Queens of the Stone Age
When Pandora opened her box of human suffering, the last thing to come flying out was hope. When they tell this story to children, they tend to sell hope as a kind of concelation prize. Something that makes all the other problems in the world bearable. Sometime I think that hope is just as bad as the others. when you get hit, hope makes you get up and get hit again. Makes you que in line for an audience with Simon Cowell, makes you think that all your hard work and dedication will be rewarded rather than abused. Hope is not a friend... hope... she is the bigest bitch of them all.

'Juliane' by Ben Folds Five
At one time I thought this was a happy song about new found freedom. It's not it's about a man over-compensating for the massive blow he has been dealt. Weighed down by the weight of despare he is unable to walk and can only run and dance like fool. Like a man on hot coals, he waves his arms not in celebration but in desperation. The garbage he drags up and down the road is not physical, but emotional. He himself is inside that black polythene bag, kicked around and gasping for air.

'Take this Bottle' by Faith No More
They tell you not bottle it all up inside, but if you wander into your place of work and lay all your junk out on the desk they tend to call security. Perhaps it's best to flip randomly between the two. Bottle it all up in public but then the moment you are alone, wail like a dog towards the moon. Let it all out my lupine friend, let it all flow out into midnight sky.

'I Will Survive' by Cake (First performed by Gloria Gaynor, but written by Freddie Perren and Dino Fekaris.)
The killer line in this track is this one 'It took all the strenght I had just not to fall apart'. Forget about progress. Progress is impossible, the best you can hope for is for things not to get worse and it may well take all your strengh to make that simple dream come true. Last night I dreamed I was the rain, falling from the sky pulled down, first onto the ground, then poluted and dragged into the drain before becoming lost in an endless sea of obscurity.

'Home of the Brave' and 'The Individual' by Spiritualized
Home. What do we think of when we think of Home. That place exists only in the past, sometimes in the futures. Home is the lie, the great lie of a wasted sunday afternoon. a summer's day, a clear pool of water, a singing fish, a picket fence. Home is a place you have never been. Home is being dry humped by a labrador while sixteen cops simultainously put tickets on your car.


'Still Alive' Written by Jonathan Coulton and performed by Ellen McLain
How much of your average day is speant staring at a computer. How many people do you know that you would rather not talk to face to face. Birthday messages flash up from friends you haven't seen for fifteen years and will not see again. They seem to be doing ok. It's hard to imagine how they do it. Was there some fork in the road. A seminal moment. Something you should have said. Perhaps that job interview up in London a couple of years back. The one you didn't get. Maybe that would have turned things around.

'Here's Looking at You Kid' by the Gaslight Anthem
What would you say if you could meet yourself. Your ten year old self. The shy worried creature which still exists beneath that bluff layer of comedy that you built and built until it was loud enough and abnoxious enough to get it's own show on BCFM. What would you say to that skinny sun-tanned little boy. Would you tell him not to worry, would you tell him everything was going to be ok? Would you lie?

'Dance Me to the End of Love' by Leonard Cohen
Cleaning my house I pause to look through a draw full of photographs. Youthful faces, young hearts beat beneath morter boards and gowns. We are graduating. the world is our oyster, but we have no idea what we are in for. Not one of us has ever been hit in the face by an oyster before.

Only one link this week.
This one

17: Proto PhychoBilly United.

Welcome once again to the most Erotic Show... Not on Television, brought to you by, Eric, Roger/Rupert, Olivia, Timmy (the Dog), Ian and Carl.

You can listen to this episode... HERE 

but before we get into all of this, I got something I wanna say ya'll,

last week I was on this crazy tip about how the GLC should do Newport State of Mind... sadly someone apears to have beaten them to it.  Also I guess this was always going to happen too. Word to the mother.


here are the

Track Listings

'Find the Cat' by Grand Buffet
The grand buffet  is at the top of the tech tree in 'Gordon Ramsey: Total War'   It enables you to produce volovants that fire by rank, have a slightly longer range than everything else and are adept at hiding in trees.



'Looser' By Beck 
According to Wikipedia "Beck was born in Los Angeles, California, to David Campbell, a Canadian musician, and Bibbe Hansen." Beck has three parents. Why they have chosen not to name the Canadian Musician is anyone's guess. I can only assume that it is Kd Lang, Brian Adams or Céline Dion.


'I bombed Korea Every Night' By Cake
The Jaded Freaks of the internet will be surprised to learn that "Bombing Korea" isn't a euphamism for anything. (some Oriental graffitti artists are shaking their fists at me right now....) This is a song that deals with the complex emotional fall out from falling orders that will lead to the deaths of an unknown amount of civilian targets. It's a good song.


'Ultimate Devotion' By Strung Out
Utlimate Devotion devotion until death. That doesn't sound like the basis for a healthy relationship. But then that's not really what this song is about. This is about an unhealthy relationship. (For those outside the UK that last link was to the British Boy Band  "Eton" they're getting on a bit now, but still bangin' out the hits.)

'The Alternate Biker' by the Ten Kens
I don't really know what this song is about, but it might have something to do with this

Die Eire Von Satan by Tool
The Eggs of Satan - Half a cup of powdered sugar One quarter teaspoo salt One knifetip Turkish hash Half a pound butter One teaspoon vanilla-sugar Half a pound flour 150 g ground nuts A little extra powdered sugar ... and no eggs Place in a bowl Add butter Add the ground nuts and Knead the dough Form eyeball-size pieces from the dough Roll in the powdered sugar and say the Magic Words: "Sim sala bim bamba sala do saladim" Place on a greased baking pan and Bake at 200 degrees for 15 minutes ...AND NO EGGS Bake at 200 degrees for 15 minutes ...and no eggs.
And Matt thought it was a recipe for eggs.

'The Boy With The Arab Strap' by Belle And Sebastian 
Arab Strap? Aparently not. Well then Belle and Sebastian are alot dirtier than I thought they were. I mean what exactly passes for children's television in France!  What??!!! Sebastian is a dog? I'm not sure if this makes things better or worse.


'Two Timing Touch and Broken Bones' by the Hives
What could be better than a Swedish rock band. Perhaps a Dutch rock band. Or a rock band where all the founder members had represented a different country at the Eurovision Song contest. A truly Euro-Supergroup. Lets Get EURO! European Superstate of mind. You're in the Euro... Currency to rival the dollar, There's nothing we can't do... sing it with me!



'Unite (Demo)' by The Resonance Association
While we talk about this song I mention a gig where I went to see American Nightmare.
 I just want to point out that that it is a true story. Nipple Pinching and all. I think it was at the Full Moon Pub in Bristol In like 1999 and I think they were supported by RKO who are so long dead now that they don't seem to have a web presence but at the time they were local big wigs and serial support acts to the great and the good. Or in the case of American Nightmare... the bad.

'Such Great Heights' Performed by Streetlight Manifesto (Originally by The Postal Service)
 Matt Plays this song in tribute to me. He knows and understands my love of the Postal Service. And to be fair this is a damn good cover. Almost anything (even Aha) can be made good by a Ska Rythum. Wait a minute... maybe it's getting a bit tired by now. (still a good song/cover though)

That's all for now folks.
Play him off Keyboard Cat.

6: Frankie said Relax. We listened.

To listened to our most 'Relaxed' Show yet... Click HERE

I heard a rumour once that the ear bones are the clitoris of the mind. If this is the case then let us play you something... Stimulating. Let us get that hammer, anvil and stirrup vibrating out a rhythmic pulse of pure orgasmic energy... Straight to the Brain!

Don't forget to email the show on DannandMatt@bcfm.org.uk

Track Listings

'Deep Blue Sea' by Grizzly Bear
What could be more erotic than a grizzly bear. Standing proud at 47feet in height, the modern Grizzly can smell a female in heat from 1000 miles away. That's not what this song is about. This song is about various family members drowning in the sea. despite this macabre subject matter it seems quite a happy little song.

'Drop Out' by Rocket From the Crypt
Pretty much everyone at my old school (not the one in the link) got well into Rocket From the Crypt except me. I think that this is probably because they all went off and watched a Rocket concert without me. Perhaps even to this day I am blinded by my own misguided jealousy, Perhaps songs about hanging onto ropes just don't do it for me. Who knows. The lead singer of Rocket from the Crypt is called 'Speedo' He doesn't support Man City.

'Jesus Land' by Ben Folds
This song reminds me primarily of wandering through a suburb of Melbourne when I went to visit my sister in Australia. It was much too hot for anyone to actually go outside, people drove from air-conditioned place to air-conditioned place in air-conditioned cars. There was a huge church and no people anywhere. All the houses looked the same and every third or fourth bush had a massive spider in it, like dinner plate size.

'Channel Zero' By Public Enemy
While I was well into my hip hop throughout the 90's and early 00's I never got into Public Enemy at all. I found their politics to be naive and predictable, not at all like the nuanced message of personal empowerment I would get from Ice T, KRS1 and Jru. In the end I kind of grew out of my hip hop phase, mostly I think because I wanted to spend time with girls and the older I got the more trouble I had excusing the rampant misogamy.

'Woozy with Cider' by James Yorkston
James’ solo career began when John Peel played a demo of his ‘Moving Up Country, Roaring The Gospel’, proclaiming it had “The Song title of the year, no doubt”. as both Matt and I worship John's ever-living ghost as the greatest radio DJ of all time, we felt it only right to continue his good work and give James some more exposure. This time not on Radio One, but on BCFM. A radio station staffed by volunteers, and loved by the seven or eight people able to tune in to it's faltering candlelight signal... I hope James appreciates what we have done for him.
James does another song called 'Tortoise Regrets Hare' Every time I hear it I can't help but imagining the little guy in a toupee, at a school reunion or something, feeling pretty awkward.

RIP Peel.

All Down Hill From Here by A New Found Glory
This band's lead singer sounds like he's a tiny little guy trapped in the nose of a much larger man. From that perspective everything would appear to be downhill. I get the feeling that this song is about the end of a relationship. Which is kind of fair, who wants to go out with a guy who's covered in Mucus. New found Glory are from Florida and their picture on Wikipedia is of the lead singer holding his crotch. There's also a topless fat bloke in the background and a guy who looks like he is setting up a drum kit for the next band on. Not a good look

'Symphony in C' by Cake
Cake! please mark that as 'useful'


'Last Will And Testament' by Propagandhi
Ironically this is the Last track we Will play and um... it reminds me of a 'Test I meant' to take, but never turned up for. Sadly due to missing that vital exam I will never be a Gynaecologist.
Propagandhi are Canadian. What? There's nothing wrong with that. Did you not see the opening ceremony to the Olympics? You didn't? You wouldn't be talking that Jive about the big C if you did. It was Awesome. They Rocked that Sh=T Like a huracain

By my calculations, based on a 40 hour working week, Matt Setback will do pretty much anything for £48.01 per hour. If he's willing to work everyhour of every day it's more like £11.40. He, like myself, works on this show for free.