43: The Quantum Conundrum

I remember the first time I saw the snow. It was 1989 and I was nine years old. My parents had left me alone in the house because they wanted to go to swingers party and figured I'd just get in the way.
I got bored of the television around 2am and wandered outside into the street. Despite the sound of distant sirens, I remember being filled up by a sense of calm. In the pale glow of the street-light even the concrete seemed soft. Blanketed in sheets of white, the perennial piles of rotting garbage looking somehow clean, perhaps even... forgiven.
For just one night. My hellish life in the city lost its cynical edge. 

By morning the snow had turned to a rancid brown sludge and a few doors down there was a gap with a cherry red smear around the edges. It turned out that, that was where a gang of kids had beat a hobo half to death. They probably would have killed him if my parents hadn't interrupted them.

I learned that night that nothing gets corrupted faster or more thoroughly than virgin snow on the blood red streets of the city. Not even you.

In order to listen to this weeks thrilling episode of the ETP, press...

PLAY


Track Listings

'Denise' by Fountains of Wayne
Some people might describe an unpaid weekly podcast/blog combo as little more than a pointless vanity project. Looking at my/our listening figures it is difficult for me/us to argue against them. In my/our defence I would like to point out that if I/we can make just one person think that I/we am/are cooler than I/we really am/are, then I think that I/we can chalk that one down as a win for vanity. The truth is that by getting my/our shit together and turning up on a semi-weekly basis I/we have proved that I/we am/are better than you pigs.


'Tommy C' by Dan Le Sac and Scroobius Pip
I'm/We're really sorry I/we just called you all pigs. You are not pigs. A lot of you are sexy/independent women. Some of you are hairless and capable men. By making the choice to both tune in and download the programme, you have transcended the porcine aspects of your character and joined the ranks of the enlightened. Come, join hands with me/us and let us all ride together on this new and exciting plane of existence. Together/alone, brethren,  I/we shall complain loudly about how Dan Le Sac and Scroobius Pip, although highly capable, will never quite match the potential they displayed in that 'Thou shalt always kill' video on Youtube.


'Oh My God' By Ida Maria
What the hell is it that you people want from me/us? Why don't you go and record your own stupid show and leave me/us alone? Sometimes I/we think about buying a gun and moving to the middle of a national park. I/we want to go a live the life of a bear. I/we want to stride through the open countryside with my/our cubs in tow. I/we want nothing more than enough protein to get through the harsh Yellowstone winter.  I/we want to have my/our image captured by a photographer from National Geographic as I/we stand proud and naked upon a prominence above a crystal blue lake.

See below for detail

'Rock for Sustainable Capitalism' Propagandhi
I/we guess our/my desire to be photographed, reveals the fact that I/we really do need the love and adulation of my/our fellow man/lady. I/we would be lost without the proximity and praise of you the warm-bodied listener. Perhaps in the future I/we will have an army of robotic fans to mob and molest me/us in the street. Until that time comes I/we have you. Thank-you for tuning in. I/we really mean that. Without you the show would be nothing.

'Long Time' by Cake
 'Fame is fleeting', said Oscar Wild, 'but obscurity is forever'
'Forever is a mighty long time', said Prince, desperately hoping that no-one would notice he was taking himself far too seriously.

You like Prince don't you. You're willing to forgive his occasional forays into nobbishness and even his last three albums if it gives you the chance to bask in the light of his reflected purple glory. You really are a massive idiot. Only you're best friend would tell you... but you are.

'Looking for my Leopard' by Seven Seconds of Love 
When I/we say 'you'... I/we don't mean you. How could I/we possibly mean you. I/we don't even know you. Probably. You could be Brian Cox for all I/we know. You could be Justin Lee Collins. You could be a contender for gods sake. 
Just who do I/we mean when I/we say you then?
Probably me/us. That's who I/we are really talking about here. At heart I/we am/are a/all Fanboy/Fanboys. Surely there is nothing wrong with having heroes. Surely that deserves to be forgiven, perhaps even encouraged.

'Breaking the Girl' by The Red Hot Chilly Peppers

See... look... Erotic Toast... get it!

Flea plays the flute on this track. That doesn't sit well in your mind with your image of Flea, the muscular Bass player with the fixed speed-head grin and outlandish tatoos. When you think of the flute you imagine polished public school girls pursing their lips. You imagine Ron Burgundy popping his head under the toilet door. This new contradiction introduces you/us to a new and interesting quatum state of mind where flea can exist on both Bass Guitar and the Flute at the same time. I/we are betting that this is more than your monkey brain can handle. Unless of course you/we are professor Brian Cox.

'Thinking about You' by Radiohead
Damn you/us Brian Cox, Damn you/us to hell.  I/we are going to the bathroom. I/we are typing this message. I/we are out eating a meal with my/our cousin because it's his/your birthday.
What time is it?
It's that time of day when my/our wife gets home and wonders why we/you haven't done any washing up yet. I/we will tell you/us what time it is/isn't. It's time for me/us/you to go.

Goodnight.

33 It's My Bris and I'll cry if i want to.

The week that this episodes aired a festival was thrown in our home town (Bristol UK) called BrisFest.
This is what a Bris is. I hope that makes things horrifically clear.

Anyway you can listen to this long awaited episode...


HERE

TRACK LISTINGS
'Beat it' by Pomplamoose (originally by Michael Jackson)
In the immortal words of Me first and the Gimme Gimmes, this next song's a cover... I am playing you-tube sensation, Pomplamoose for the same reason I play any track on this show: I quite fancy the lead singer. Good eyes... nice hair... talented.

'Chips Ahoy' by the Holdsteady
 One of the few bands that Matt and I agree on as being pretty awesome.  In the Video to this track the lead singer is like a cross between Elvis Costello and Will Farrell in Anchorman. You have to admit that's pretty hot by anyone's standards.
Did you realise that Anchorman is essentially a remake of "The China Syndrome" with Jane Fonda? Did you realise that they totally took jokes from/paid tribute to the awesome "Drop the Dead Donkey?" neither did I until I saw it with my own eyes.


'Peanuts' by Tindersticks 
 Not the cartoon I don't think but the Nut... which apparently isn't a true nut or something? I think it might be a seed or a bean or something. I have no idea really. They grow underground apparently. Like Goths, Orks and Plump Helmet.


'Cosmopolitan Blood Loss' by Glassjaw
"I feel cold Johnny... So cold"
"Just hold on, your gonna be fine, the medic is on the way and he's gonna fix you up real good I promise"
"Read to me Johnny... read to me from the list of 100 sex tips I need to know... please Jonny... I don't... I don't think I got long left to live."


DANN'S SIXTH FORM SONG
'Girl Like You' Edwynn Collins 
I don't know about you but I've never met a girl like this before.  I'm not sure I want to either though.
I went to school with a lot of girls. When I play this song I want them to know that this one is dedicated to all of them; individually and collectively and especially to those that let me touch their passionate areas.


'Get Better' Dan Le Sack vs Scroobius Pip
Hey! Pip and Sack, yeah I'm talking to you... While it was a good idea to 'Imagine' the song you describe you have failed to actually write it. I don't need your creepy-priest-like advice; Ice T told me how to get out of the Ghetto. I have another question! Better at what Scroobius? Animal Communication? Car Jacking? Knife Fighting? Did I say Animal Communication?
In the songs defence... My wife likes this track, and she is much smarter than I am.


'Nighty Night' by Jenny Owens Young 
This should be the last track we play as by the time it's finished you should all be asleep. Then I will snap my fingers and you will all wake up naked at an orgy in Matts "Entertainment Room" 'Welcome to the party' I will say, and then the real fun will begin.


'Admit It' by Say Anything
I guess this is the first time we play anything by Say Anything, but trust me we will be playing a lot of this as Matt gets lazier and lazier in his quest for new music.

I've had enough of this, I'm going to the bidet. 

3a: In Bed with a White Wedding.

You can listen to this episode HERE

The Beds
A bed is what we Dj's call the music we play to fill up the gaps in our talking. I have called this episode 'in bed with a White Wedding because there is much discussion at the start over my 'cheesy choice of bed' We eventually switch to a bit of DJ Shadow.

I'm gonna make some new beds. I promise. No Seriously. Stop looking at me like that. I'll bloody do it OK! Fine then be like that. See if I care.

Track Listings
'Summertime Clothes' by Animal Collective
Animal Collective were much touted as the next being thing about a year or so ago. They've been around for ages but most of their music is too... inaccessible for most people. With their Album 'Merriweather Post Pavilion' they kind of made it more mainstream and the pundits thought that this would make them explode like a musical supanova... Sadly this only kind of half happened for them, but they are still awesome. Merriweather Post Pavillion had an optical illusion for an album cover And possibility the worst name for an album of all time. This track is about insomnia on a hot summers night and the feeling of absolute relief at finding someone else that can't sleep and wants to go walking around the cooling city streets at night.

'Hip Hop is Art' by Dan Le Sac and Scroobius Pip
Dan Le Sac got famous because of this awesome Viral Youtube Video While probably being the best hip hop artists working in the UK today, I know nothing about Dan Le Sac and most of what I know about Scroobius Pip is that he has a massive beard and probably the most annoying voice in the world. luckily his talent outstrips his leather-elbow-padded, academic-on-the-sex-register looks and sound to make him a hit with everyone on the internet that like to think of themselves as cool. Hip Hop artists of the old school cannot really get to grips with Scroobius Pip's lack of visible ego, jewellery and women.

'Wash Away (reprise)' by Joe Purdy
If you listen to the show you will find out that I heard Wash Away at the end of a seminal Lost episode and then went on a one man 500mile quest to track it down. Such was the chord it struck with me. Matt has the impudence to compare it to Damien Rice who is worse than this which I actually quite like. I mean at least the guy obviously has some real pain in his life and doesn't come out with mindless and clichéd rhyming couplets just to feed his growing cocaine addiction. Damien Rice is a class A moron and he can eat my poo. I think the only reason he got famous at all was because people confused his name (and sound) with that of David Grey, who actually isn't that bad either, for a London-Underground busker. One wonders how many people he had to sleep with to get to the top? The answer is seven. David Grey slept with seven people to get to the top, three of them at the same time... to put things in perspective, Joe Purdy slept with a Plymouth Sedan and Damian Rice Slept with the entire population of Tunbridge wells. As far as I know, Mark Gormley has never slept with anyone. For legal reasons let me add that much of the above is not necessarily true.

'Love, Ire and Song' by Frank Turner (previously of Million Dead)
This is a kind of protest song about not really feeling like protesting any more and then you know... getting that impetus back. It's nice enough but it is the second acoustic guitar type hippy song in a row... for which I apologise. Sadly I cannot go back in time and slot in a bit of hardcore something angry.. and wrathful... There are moments in this song when Frank breaths really loudly. I want you to seek those moments out and try your best to enjoy them. You could turn it into a drinking game. or even a breathing game. or perhaps it could be like some kind of kissing game... which would be sick hot. I also hope that Matt has uploaded the clean version of this Episode otherwise... I'm really sorry about all the swearing ya'll.

'Acid Song' by Loudoun Wainwright III
Loudoun reminds me of my dad quite a lot. My dad has never taken acid but he does love to sing and play the guitar. Some of my favourite childhood memories are of my dad waking me up in the morning by strolling into my bedroom, softly strumming an old 6 string and singing that it was time to get up. We were poor back then and dad used to get all his guitars from second-hand shops for about a tenner. He has one now that's probably worth about a grand. I made him give me one of the old ones because I like the sound that they make. It's painted white from top to bottom and right now it's in the corner of my bedroom gathering dust. At least one of the strings is broken. I really should get that fixed and start playing again. Dad says if I don't play it then he'll take it back.

'Moved as Mountains, dreamt of by the sea' by The Ghost of 1000
Matt Finally returns to form by playing a band that sound and look like angry teens.
The Ghost of 1000 play musically intelligent riffs and licks buried beneath a collapsing wall of sound. That's quality music journalism right there, the kind of solid writing you have come to expect from me... Like Burt Baccarat taped face-down on a pile of old Metallica Vinals while Grace Jones beats him to death with a whip. Ahh yeah.. I'm on a Roll.

'Divine' by Sebastian Tellier
A previous French Eurovision entry that for some reason I fell in love with. I think the French may well take Eurovision just about as seriously as we do. I think our entry might have been the 35 year old Daz's Anti Educational Rant 'Teenage Life'. What makes me love this song more than anything though, is how much Matt hates it.

'Only in Dreams' by Weezer
Matt and I agree that this is the best last song on the album of any album ever. It's about 10 minutes long. Erotically charged and yet wistfully nostalgic. Certainly for me anyway. I first heard this song during my Sixth Form Years. I was young free and single then and I did my best to make the most of that. There was this one night when... You know what, I'm not even going to tell you about that. But feel free to imagine it if you like... perhaps on a bus or in your place of work, and when someone asks you why you are smiling you can say... 'oh no reason, I'm just happy' and they'll have to take your word for it and the last laugh will be on them.

Goodnight!