38: Whistling Dixie

Right now on a dark matter planet bouncing around in the Alpha-Centaurian star system a pair of young lovers are lying together in the back of a flat bed truck looking up at the night sky. The boy, who knows a little bit about astronomy, points to one of their brightest stars.  He tells his girl about that little yellow sun, he tells her that that despite it's small size, it meagre gravity clings to a number of planets and that one of those planets is not to hot and not too cold and that maybe, just maybe, there's a strange man with a charity moustache living on that planet and writing the story of their love on the internet.

The two of them look at our sun in silence... Then the boy begins to whistle while the girl accompanies him on the Ukulele, for on the goldilocks planet of Alpha Centauri, this is how baby's are made.


Join us now in praising the space-baby by clicking on the link provided...

PLAY


TRACK LISTINGS

'Me and Julio Down by The School Yard' performed by Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies, originally by Paul Simon
 It is well known that the Space Baby loves Whistlin' Whittlin' and Whishin'. He hates Fistin' Fishin' Fission. Which is understandable really.

'Centerfold' by the J. Geils Band
It's a little known fact that Matt Setback was raised by whales. Having been abandoned at sea by irresponsible pirates, these majestic kings of the sea took pity on him and allowed him to suckle their nourishing blubbery milk. Matt grew stronger as the years went by, but always wondered why he was smaller and less aerodynamic than the other kids. Then he came across a copy of playboy took one look at the centrefold and realised there had been some kind of a mix up.


'Mary Melody' by the Mad Caddies
Neither Matt nor myself can whistle. We are in awe of those that can. I am also impressed by people that can pick up girls in bars, do proper handbrake turns and, of course, park their cars in really tight spaces.

'Coming Home,  Left my Broken Heart in Carolina' by Weezer
 (Yes this song really is by Weezer)


'Sitting on the Dock of the Bay' Performed by Pearl Jam, originally by Otis Reading
Otis Reading originally planned to write lyrics for the whistling section of this song, but sadly he died in a plane crash before he got the chance. I like to imagine that perhaps, he got the inspiration he was looking for just moments before his plane went down. I like to imagine that they were scribbled on a napkin that once the explosions were over eventually floated down to earth and became the inspiration for this song.


'Young Folks' by Peter, Byorn and John
I like this version of this song, but sadly it doesn't have any whistling in it. Matt seems convinced that this song, 'was only written so that it could be on an advert' I think that in his thick skinned baleen cynicism he has seriously missed out on the basic truth of artistic endeavour.  No one thinks that way Matt. People make music they love. Some tracks end up on adverts. This is the way of things.


 'My Girlfriends Dead' by the Vandals
The Vandals were an East Germanic tribe that entered the late Roman Empire during the 5th century, perhaps best known for their sack of Rome in 455. Although they were not notably more destructive than other invaders of ancient times, Renaissance and Early Modern writers who idealized Rome tended to blame the Vandals for its destruction. This led to the coinage of "vandalism", meaning senseless destruction, particularly the defacing of artworks that were completed with great effort.


'Always Look on the Bright Side of Life' by Monty Python
Philosophical pessimism is the similar but not identical idea that life has a negative value, or that this world is as bad as it could possibly be.  Pessimism is not a disposition as the term commonly connotes. Instead, it is a cogent philosophy that directly challenges the notion of progress and what may be considered the faith-based claims of optimism. Still, mustn't grumble.



Goodnight!

35: The Self Indulgent Special

When you start listening to this episode you will realise why I might have waited a while before unleasing it upon our small but devoted fan base.... (Glen)

This was a failed experiment in radio broadcasting, possibly a subconscious attempt to get taken off the air. My wife calls it "a cry for help."   Bad for the eyesight good for the colon: it is the Self Indulgent Special which you can listen to...

here

I apologise for the lack of quality in this weeks write up... but I have a lot of things I'm meant to be doing so I'm just going to bash this one out as quickly as possible.

Track Listings

"I Touch Myself" Performed by Rolf Harris (originally by Divynals)
I'm sorry... I'm so so sorry.
Someone told me that their mum was listining to the radio when this came on.
When bad things happen to be from now on I will know it was becuase I played this recording of a much loved Australian children's entertainer tickling his old fella.  And not because I once called the police on a bunch of teenager who were holding an orgy in a railway tunnel.

"Waggy" By Blink 182
The number 182  referes to the the average number of strokes required to become mechanically aroused without the use of any other stimulous. This was tested in 1982 in an isolation tank in California with a research pool of seven hundred body-builders and one nineteen year old nurse.

"Long View" by Greenday
Once when I was a thirteen I went to the dentist to have filling replaced, she was wearing a blue shirt. At one point she had to put her knee up on the chair to get a better angle to drill on my tooth. Because of the way the cloth folded I got clean line of sight between the buttons into the valley of her cleavage. Ever since then the sound of a dentist's drill still wakes me up at night.

"Why Bother" by Weezer
Girl Pirates on the high seas of the Caribbean would sometimes expose their breasts in the midst of battle. It is said that the sea air and active lifestyle made them so exquisite as to render any full blooded male enamoured to the point of paralysis by their warm and succulent proximity. one by one the armys of the world succumbed and died with with a smile on their face and rapiers blade hilt deep in their flesh. So it was that the Caribbean became a world power it is to day.

"Wow I Can Get Sexual Too" by Say Anything.
A Summer's day... a softly vibrating vehicle. Gear-stick throbbing in your hand. Some girl in a Fiat Punto with a businesslike haircut avoiding your eye contact.  She is four feet and two sheets of glass away but you can feel the chemistry. Then the lights change and you never see her again. 

"Paulina" by No Doubt
Gwen Stefani. Baywatch.  Loaded Magazine.  The naked swimming scene in "Walkabout". Any French film on Channel Four.   Enormous Boobs
 
"Fourteen" by The Vandals
 When I was fourteen the internet didn't really exist as we know it today. There was no streaming video only grainy one minute clips that could not be previewed and often took over an hour download. Deep in the the dead of night even still images could take a full minutes to slowly resolve in-front of my eager adolescent eyes. Quite frankly it was impractical, also the dial up modems made a lot of noise and tended to give me away.



"Leave it Alone" by No FX
Sometimes I think about what it will be like to be in an old people's home. I like to think that I'll still have my hair and as long as I can stay thin I reckon I'll still be quite a good looking for an octogenarian. I reckon if I live pretty cleanly then I can outlive the majority of my sexual competition and it will be a full on hump-fest!!


"The Greatest Love of All" by Whitney Houston
 Learning to love yourself, is the greatest love of all. The French have several words for love. If this had been true of English this song might have made a lot more sense.

Goodnight everyone.

;)

31: The City of Brotherly Love.

This episode features the irascible Chris... (the wiggler)

Since I didn't actually get to choose any of the music, rather than discuss the tracks as normal, I am just going to give you top ten (8) list of top ten lists. I hope you understand.

(as always you can listen to the show here)

HERE


TRACK LISTINGS


'Down this Road' by Zero Down
Top ten awkward things to read on a crowded train...

10. Coping with Rabies-a Practical Guide
9. The Erotic Adventures of Ivor the Engine.
8.The Art of Non-Consensual Frottage.
7. The Joy of Non-Consensual Frottage.
6. Violent Non-Consensual Frottage for Dummies.
5. Hot Hot Frottage on the Orient Express.
4. How to Meet Girls on the Train and then Bone Them and Dump Them
3. Thomas the Tank Engine does Dallas
2. Forest Gump (The Novel.)
1. The Da Vinci Code.



'Lost in Hollywood' by System of a Down
Top ten peices of mud to sling at a political opponent.
10.You have misfiled you accounts for the previous fiscal year.
9. You take bribes
8. You have sex with hookers
7. You have sex with hookers... as bribes.
6. You have sex with coked up Nazi midget hookers.
5. You feed their breast milk to our kids...
4. You want to build a duckpond
3. You are your own evil twin and you killed the good twin that everybody previously loved.
2. Your mum is fat and cheap.
1. U. G. L. Y. you aint got no alibi you ugly!


Laugh Learn' by Sekura Drops (From the album Painted legs on a Snake.)
Top thing things not to get a tattoo of...
10. A tattoo artist doing a tattoo of a tattoo artist of a tattoo artist doing a tattoo of a...
9. A tattoo of a dog doing a dog doing a dog doing a...
8.TATU
7. One of those belly button cat's bum things that people get
6. Any x factor contestant living or dead.
5. Five Boy-scouts nude from the waist down (with woggles and neckerchiefs possibly doing the scout salute)
4. Same as 5 but with Hitler Youth instead
3. Forest Gump (The Novel)
2. A 'to do' list of people you work with with a large number of them crossed out.
1. Prison Blueprints.


!!!DANN'S SIXTH FORM SONG!!!
'Say it Aint So' by Weezer

Top ten things not to do before you die
10. Sleep with a close relative
9. Read The Da Vinci Code/ Forest Gump (The Novel)
8. Get a tattoo of anything from the last list
7. Kill a man in Reno... just to watch him die.
6. Taxidermy
5. Build your own twisted-ass rape bot
4. Memorise 'Tango and Cash' (the movie)
3. Win at Dwarf Fortress
2. Watch all of Prison Break
1. Hold the no.1 score on any browser based flash game.


'Epic Fail' by The 80's Matchbox Bee Line Disaster
Stupid exclusive US only Content.
jerks.


'Dig for Fire' by The Pixies
Top ten mythical beasts.

10. The Manitcore
9. Henry Rollins
8. Pea Tear Griffin
7. People with one big foot that they use as a sunshade
6. The Dogheads
5. Fernando Torres
4. The Crockadoodle Piggy
3. Matt Setback
2. Cannibalistic Nazi sex Midgets
1. Johnny Turntables


'Shame in your Game' by The Beastie Boys
Top Ten highest-scoring, possible boggle words.(oddly enough this is almost idential to the top ten words least used in Hip Hop/Rap-Metal)

10. Aeronomist
9. Clarinettist
8. Deadenings
7. Retinalites
6. Retransmitted
5. Romanticall
4. Saginating
3. Tsigane
2. Tantaliser
1. Testicles


'I Can See Clearly Now' by Snuff (originally by Johnny Nash)
Top ten words that remind me of sausages
10. Corsage
9. Sauce
8. Tauper
6. Sharp-edges
5. Forage
4. Dachshund
3. Bromance
2. Sizzling
1. Forest Gump (The Novel)



'Theme from Midnight Cowboy' by Faith No More, Wait... NO!
'I Started a Joke' by Faith No More
Top ten numbers from 1 to 10


10. Nine
9. Seven
8. Two
7. One
6. Four
5. Three
4. Five
3. Six
2. Eight
1. Seven of Nine

25: Valley of the large breasted women and other cliches.

Matt and I run a tight ship. We don't suffer fools gladly. We call a spade a spade. We are no-nonsense, you get what you pay for, salt of the earth type broadcasters. We are diamonds in the rough, snakes on a plane, booty shaking, reggue dancehall loving cockney rebels and we don't give a damn and take no shit from nobody. In a time of heroes, trapped in a world gone mad, two men dared to dream a dream called freedom. If you liked Kindergarden Cop, Daddy Day Care and the Bourne Circumcision... You'll love this. It's like Mary Poppins does Dallas... On Acid! 

You can listen to or download our no holds barred, adrenlne fuelled, Orwellian nightmare of a radio programme...

Here

you can read the "humourous" Track Listings below.

TRACK LISTINGS

'Why Bother?' by Weezer

...

'Sucre' by The Stares

Sucre means sugar in french, but to anyone that watched Prison Break (Even if you only watched the first couple of series before realising that life was too short) it means so much more. It means a pluckly and lovable hobre with a great smile and a can-do attitude. An honorable thief that will sacrifice all for the cell mate he has grown to love like a brother.

'Bro Hymn' by Pennywise

From the cold and impersonal wilderness of postmodern life, from the isolated cellular seclusion of the cyber-sequestrated realms of human time and space, comes a love song to the crowd. A song that bows it's head in reverence, to those pillars of the french revolution, Fraternity, Equality and Liberty X.

'You Don't Know Me (Homie)' by Ben Folds Featuring Regina Spektor

Ben folds also produced Amanda Palmer's latest Album. It appears Ben likes to work with attractive ladies who play the Piano. Watch this space for an Alicia Keys collaboration. Also watch out for the awesome and musically onomatopoaeic 'disharmonies' that appear towards the end of the song. very clever.

'Milk Lizard' by The Dillinger Escape Plan

I'm just going to use the title of this track to do a load of links to blue Jam.  this one    this one    this one and this one. I really would advise that no-one watch them. To be honest it's all a bit too much for me to deal with. They make me feel like I've been reading the random tab on 4chan... I'm pretty sure that Chris Morris is some kind of high-functioning psycho. 

'Creep' By Amanda Palmer (Original by Radio Head)

Amanda Palmer not playing the piano, not playing her own material and still being awesome... Amanda is engaged to Neil Gaiman.  You know Neil right... that dude with all the brains talent and money in the world. Damn you Gaiman, why must you mock me?

'Come Quietly' By Strobe 45

Stef had ginger hair but he died it black. He rode a BMX and he rode it well, but he once lost a girl to a guy that could do back flips. He was crazy into Ayrton Senna and he drove a car that was half van and half car. He's still out there somewhere, being awesome. One day he might google his old band name and then this will pop up. Hello Stef!!

'Ice Cream Man' By Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers

I really feel like this song should just go on forever. I'd love to go and see the modern lovers and for them to play a two hour set that opened, and closed with Ice Cream Man. perhaps kicked off with the words... 'I hope you enjoy our new direction.'

Goodnight.

20: Trilogy of Pain pt. 2

Me and Matt have decided that our speaking voices have got a bit tired and have decided to start with some tribal drumming.  For those that don't speak drum... what we are saying is that we 'have many women in our tribe who are of marriageable age' but due to a cunning play on drums we are also making a topical joke about the Liberal Democrats and their 'insatiable lust for power'.

Anyway... you can hear this crime against Audio relations..

HERE

And the tracklistings are below.

'The Longer You Wait' by Fol Chen (again)
Atonal Atomic Atonement. Matt claims not to like this record but then he's god an odd perspective on life. While he is now loved by women and men alike... Matt was raised in the wild by monkeys. It's a wonder he can speak at all.

'What it is to Burn' by  Finch
Matt thought I might like this record and for the first seven seconds or so I did. Which has got to be a result for Matt really. It did however inspire the  Emo Triangle.

'Last Day of Magic' The Kills 
I thought Matt might like this reccord and for the first seven seconds or so he did. Which has got to be a result for me really. Sadly no triagles were inspired uh oh! 

'I Wanna Go Back' by Weezer
It's a well established fact that both Matt and I would gladly go back in time to re-enjoy the flower of our youth. But to be fair... on a more balanced analysis the inane teenage level of conversation would just get on our nerves, then again it really hasn't changed that much. boobs. ha ha... mmmm... she said boobs...

'I wish I was in New Orleans' by Scarlet Johansen
So many obvious jokes here that were not made. Still it was a great excuse for me to google the lovley miss Johansen. Matt didn't get it. But I like to think that the diserning listener did. That's you by the way.

'Deafening' by Far
We are in the mid point of Matt's Emo cycle at this point. It's the point where he starts to get a little agressive.

'Miserable' by Lit
In an attempt to placate him it was decided that he should be alowed two songs in a row. As a result in 2010 no-one died.

'The Well' by Bill Callahan
Yes it was too long and yes.. it did have too much swearing in it and yes it's probably not very good, but... Oh crap it I have no excuse.

Goodnight.

12: The Banana-Hammock Years...

You can listen to this potassium and fibre rich episode (with vital vitamins such as B6, C and A) HERE

If it doesn't work then why not try right-clicking on it and choosing 'save as' then you can listen to it in your own time. You can even put it on an MP3 player, pop it on in your car and drive around with the window's down. Watch as millions of people try desperately to re-tune their radios to the soothing, methadone like, sound of the Erotic Toast Project... then laugh, because you know full well it's an Mp3 and they'll never find us. NEVER. (93.2 Fridays @9 in Bristol... specifically in Easton and the surrounding area, preferably in line of sight of the BCFM transmitter)

Anyway. We start this episode by crowbarring the word Banana-hammock into the show so that Matt can win a bet. We go downhill from there.

and Now...

Track listings!
Matt chose all the tracks from this episode, I will do my best to explain why he did.
There was talk about this being the "skapecial" I don't actually know anything about Ska-Punk, perhaps this is the reason.

'Waiting for My Ruca' and 'Forty Ounces to Freedom' by Sublime
I guess the real tragedy of Sublime is that Bradley Nowell, Leadsinger and guitarist died before they ever really made it big. Like a lot of fatal heroin overdoses it came after a period of being clean. During the time he was clean he lost some of his tolerance for the drug and thus the regular dose he had been used to was enough to kill him. This isn't funny so there aren't any links.

'What's Left of the Flag' by Flogging Molly
Never fly your banana-hammock at half mast. I'm pretty sure this band is Dutch or Scottish or something, no wait a minute... They're Irish. probably the most obviously Irish band in the history of that tortured and beautiful Celtic Isle. In Ireland, even the sky is green. Green with Guinness and envy.

'We Will Fall Together' by Streetlight Manifesto
I end up having to do a coldplay style remix of this track because Matt brought a scratched ass CD to the party. This isn't the first time this has happened. here's How it should have sounded. As a a punishment to Matt here is just another reason why everyone in the world secretly loves Coldplay.

'Organ Donor (Extended Overhaul)' by DJ Shadow and Qbert
Yo, where my yo-yo at, Yo?
Word is, Qbert sometimes goes by the name of Grandmixer Qbert, having now given birth to two generations of mixers. Back in reality now, Qbert's first ever DJ Battle was against Mixmaster Mike. They did it in their high-school cafeteria, Qbert lost. But that's really irrelevant now. I mean seriously man... I went to the wrong school. The best I could hope for of a lunch time was a hair and nails brawl between rival gangs of rude-girls.
let me also add... Hot sexy lady-monks is where it is at.

'99 Red Balloons' by Goldfinger
The original title of this song is 99 luftballons, which I am told means red balloons in German. It doesn't, it means, Air Balloons. Unless the Luftwaffe meant the Red Force, which seems unlikely given their less-than-communist leanings at the time. For the sake of balance allow me to add that I love Germany! Hanover Rocks. I love an efficient public transport system. I love Dinner for one! I am a Danish!

'Rusty Cage' By Soundgarden
Matt chastises Soundgarden for breaking up and then getting back together and not being as good as they were the first time around. What I find appealing about this particular rant is that he seems to assume that they are actually listening to our show. When this went out, Soundgarden had just come off the back of a concert in Seattle, and while it's mathematically possible that they all got on a plane and flew to Easton It doesn't take Carol Vorderman to work out that it's statistically unlikely.

For any who were wondering, The Soundgarden was on the PC version of Roadrash and not the Megadrive (Genesis US) version we all knew and loved. I actually played more Roadrash 2 than anything else.

'(Welcome to The) City of Thieves' by Sonic Boom Six
When I was Kid my sister got in with a bad crowd and they broke into our house and robbed all our stuff. My mum decided the family would be better off if we all moved to the countryside. As a result I spent a lot of my teenage years surrounded by sheep and cows and experiencing a strange sense of empathy whenever I watched the Fresh Prince of Bell Air. It's what made me the man I am today.

'Butterfly' by Weezer
Another song, or rather 'internet phenomenon' that features a butterfly is 'Die Antwoord' (Not safe for work.) meaning 'The Answer', it's basically an angry and confused Afrikaan gentleman yelling about how he's a Ninja. I think it got popular because of the schoolgirl striptease and the dude with premature ageing disorder. You know what maybe i'm being to hard on them... It does kind of get stuck in your head and all the weird stuff he did as MaxNormal.TV is pretty cool and very odd. Quoting a random youtube commenter... 'I could never hate on something that took this much risk and was so different.'

On a side note...

Who Remembers Nightmare?

9: Eleven brides for Eleven brothers.

You can listen to the Classic 'As Live' Eleventh Episode, Palidrome Special featuring exclusive web only content for anyone willing to sit though three or four minutes of Miles Davis... HERE This episode doesn't start very well, but the end is killer.

DannAndMAtt@bcfm.org.uk Email us... we are lonely.

Track Listings
I roamed under it as a tired, nude Maori.

'Bullets' by Archive
Somewhere out there, there are bullets being smuggled with your name on them. Change your name. Archive are kind of hit and miss in my opinion. Perhaps that's because I'm English. If English people were exotic to me, like Pandas or something, I'd probably be really into this. Good sound. Lyrics need a bit of work, 8 out of 10.

A man, a plan, a canal: panama.

'Jamie' by Weezer (unplayed but mentioned)
This is all that I'm going to give you on this one. I like the bongos. Also, I love lamp.

Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era?

'Accident Prone' by JawBreaker
Jawbreaker sound like they are English but they're not. I guess they are like Transvestites but with nationality instead of gender... I'm pretty sure that J Edgar Hoover said that kind of behaviour was Un-American.
Jawbreaker are from San Francisco, California. Durring the show Matt says he's pretty sure they're English but then again his 'girl' has really big hands.

Madam in Eden, I'm Adam.

'Unforgiven' Performed by Iron Horse (Originally by Metallica).
I am so sorry Iron Horse. I totally name-check you guys as Hayseed Dixie... which was wrong of me. I have started to beat myself once a day (usually in the morning, during my shower) in an attempt to make amends for my heinous error.

Poor Dan is in a droop.

'What it is to Burn' by Finch
Having had a look at the lyrics this song seems to basically be about Sun Worship. which is pretty cool. During the show, Matt claims that Science is boring. He does not come up with a theory as to what we should replace it with but on the face of it Sun Worship does seem like a viable alternative. The resultant kick ass tans and nakedness would certainly be more stimulating than peer review.

So many dynamos!

'Ghosts' by Ladytron
I don't know what I was thinking. I really don't. I thought I'd give them a try and see if they grew on me, but they didn't really. I'm sure they are lovely people who will make Phat Bucks making music... I compare them to Girls Aloud which probably isn't fair. They have a totally different image.

Drab as a fool, aloof as a bard.

'The Mob Goes Wild' by Clutch
One band that never fails to apoint is Clutch. Clutch can save any situation. This song is about the good time dance, moving to Canada, and bum rushing. I looked up Bum Rushing on the Urban Dictionary. It is as I suspected, Bum referes to the perp being cheap and unable to pay the door tax, the rush refers to the sudden movement of people.

Bombard a drab mob.

'Tropicana' by Ratatat
It's the middle section of this bit of music that really does it for me.
Does it like Scarlet Johansen in the middle of a lonely heatwave. For me this track is Desert Island good. Matt thinks Ratatat sound like Blur, I don't agree. Once again my wife agrees with Matt. She always takes his side... This is just like the time the three of us shared a bed.

Ten animals I slam in a net.

'Bitches Brew' by Miles Davis
Miles... Davis. Driving at 1000 miles an hour, Miles... Davis: Miles 'free form Jazz Through uptown New York' Davis.(20 minutes to save Ferris. Miles Davis) My face Miles.. (miles) D Miles Avis. Your face with a grip on a steering wheel, getting looser and looser. Driving that whale up towards distaste and disaster. Miles Mutherfubnkin DavidZ. Jazz. Tangerine. Tangerine? Tangerine!

Goodnight Trilobites.

3a: In Bed with a White Wedding.

You can listen to this episode HERE

The Beds
A bed is what we Dj's call the music we play to fill up the gaps in our talking. I have called this episode 'in bed with a White Wedding because there is much discussion at the start over my 'cheesy choice of bed' We eventually switch to a bit of DJ Shadow.

I'm gonna make some new beds. I promise. No Seriously. Stop looking at me like that. I'll bloody do it OK! Fine then be like that. See if I care.

Track Listings
'Summertime Clothes' by Animal Collective
Animal Collective were much touted as the next being thing about a year or so ago. They've been around for ages but most of their music is too... inaccessible for most people. With their Album 'Merriweather Post Pavilion' they kind of made it more mainstream and the pundits thought that this would make them explode like a musical supanova... Sadly this only kind of half happened for them, but they are still awesome. Merriweather Post Pavillion had an optical illusion for an album cover And possibility the worst name for an album of all time. This track is about insomnia on a hot summers night and the feeling of absolute relief at finding someone else that can't sleep and wants to go walking around the cooling city streets at night.

'Hip Hop is Art' by Dan Le Sac and Scroobius Pip
Dan Le Sac got famous because of this awesome Viral Youtube Video While probably being the best hip hop artists working in the UK today, I know nothing about Dan Le Sac and most of what I know about Scroobius Pip is that he has a massive beard and probably the most annoying voice in the world. luckily his talent outstrips his leather-elbow-padded, academic-on-the-sex-register looks and sound to make him a hit with everyone on the internet that like to think of themselves as cool. Hip Hop artists of the old school cannot really get to grips with Scroobius Pip's lack of visible ego, jewellery and women.

'Wash Away (reprise)' by Joe Purdy
If you listen to the show you will find out that I heard Wash Away at the end of a seminal Lost episode and then went on a one man 500mile quest to track it down. Such was the chord it struck with me. Matt has the impudence to compare it to Damien Rice who is worse than this which I actually quite like. I mean at least the guy obviously has some real pain in his life and doesn't come out with mindless and clichéd rhyming couplets just to feed his growing cocaine addiction. Damien Rice is a class A moron and he can eat my poo. I think the only reason he got famous at all was because people confused his name (and sound) with that of David Grey, who actually isn't that bad either, for a London-Underground busker. One wonders how many people he had to sleep with to get to the top? The answer is seven. David Grey slept with seven people to get to the top, three of them at the same time... to put things in perspective, Joe Purdy slept with a Plymouth Sedan and Damian Rice Slept with the entire population of Tunbridge wells. As far as I know, Mark Gormley has never slept with anyone. For legal reasons let me add that much of the above is not necessarily true.

'Love, Ire and Song' by Frank Turner (previously of Million Dead)
This is a kind of protest song about not really feeling like protesting any more and then you know... getting that impetus back. It's nice enough but it is the second acoustic guitar type hippy song in a row... for which I apologise. Sadly I cannot go back in time and slot in a bit of hardcore something angry.. and wrathful... There are moments in this song when Frank breaths really loudly. I want you to seek those moments out and try your best to enjoy them. You could turn it into a drinking game. or even a breathing game. or perhaps it could be like some kind of kissing game... which would be sick hot. I also hope that Matt has uploaded the clean version of this Episode otherwise... I'm really sorry about all the swearing ya'll.

'Acid Song' by Loudoun Wainwright III
Loudoun reminds me of my dad quite a lot. My dad has never taken acid but he does love to sing and play the guitar. Some of my favourite childhood memories are of my dad waking me up in the morning by strolling into my bedroom, softly strumming an old 6 string and singing that it was time to get up. We were poor back then and dad used to get all his guitars from second-hand shops for about a tenner. He has one now that's probably worth about a grand. I made him give me one of the old ones because I like the sound that they make. It's painted white from top to bottom and right now it's in the corner of my bedroom gathering dust. At least one of the strings is broken. I really should get that fixed and start playing again. Dad says if I don't play it then he'll take it back.

'Moved as Mountains, dreamt of by the sea' by The Ghost of 1000
Matt Finally returns to form by playing a band that sound and look like angry teens.
The Ghost of 1000 play musically intelligent riffs and licks buried beneath a collapsing wall of sound. That's quality music journalism right there, the kind of solid writing you have come to expect from me... Like Burt Baccarat taped face-down on a pile of old Metallica Vinals while Grace Jones beats him to death with a whip. Ahh yeah.. I'm on a Roll.

'Divine' by Sebastian Tellier
A previous French Eurovision entry that for some reason I fell in love with. I think the French may well take Eurovision just about as seriously as we do. I think our entry might have been the 35 year old Daz's Anti Educational Rant 'Teenage Life'. What makes me love this song more than anything though, is how much Matt hates it.

'Only in Dreams' by Weezer
Matt and I agree that this is the best last song on the album of any album ever. It's about 10 minutes long. Erotically charged and yet wistfully nostalgic. Certainly for me anyway. I first heard this song during my Sixth Form Years. I was young free and single then and I did my best to make the most of that. There was this one night when... You know what, I'm not even going to tell you about that. But feel free to imagine it if you like... perhaps on a bus or in your place of work, and when someone asks you why you are smiling you can say... 'oh no reason, I'm just happy' and they'll have to take your word for it and the last laugh will be on them.

Goodnight!