42: A plague on both your houses!

I was pretty sick when we recorded this show. I'm all better now. Sometimes when you have a near death experience like that your whole life flashes before your eyes... This is one of those times. I know I bullshit a lot but all of these are true.

To hear this episode (which mostly consists of me coughing...)  press

PLAY

Track Listings

 '2nd Sucks' by A day to Remember
Memory one... it's sports day and in order to make myself run faster I have bought myself a Mars Milkshake drink. I am pretty quick for a short kid and manage a half decent time in the 100 meters. Then I heave over and puke that milkshake all over the floor.

'I Could Never Break Your Heart' by Fol Chen
Memory two. I am on a German exchange programme. I am 14 years old and wandering around a zoo in Hamburg with a kid called Gavin from Weston super Mare. Before we went to the zoo we had been to visit the Burgermeister  (Mayor). There had been a hospitality table with free cokes and I'd loaded up on that shit. Now, back at the Zoo, I badly need to piss but all the signs are in German and to make matters worse they seem to lead me on a route that goes all the way around the damn zoo before going anywhere near a urinal. To cut a long story short, somewhere near the Penguins I piss myself. Gavin and I walk around until my trousers dry off. Then we get back on the bus with all the other kids and go back to the hotel.

'Side projects are never successful' by Bomb the Music Industry 
Memory three. Despite a crippling lack of talent my mum is convinced I can follow in her footsteps and play in an orchestra, she plays the cello (so does my sister) and I play violin. I fail the audition but they let me in anyway because mum is one of the teachers and they are worried that if none of her kids are involved she will stop volunteering her weekends and they will have to find a new cello coach.
I am a fourth row second violin. I am mostly lost and holding the bow above the strings so that I don't mess thing up for my mum by actually making any noise.

Sometimes we play a piece called 'Andrews piece.' All I know is that I like it and it's by one of the kids in the orchestra. I assume one of the soloists or  front row 1st's.  There is another kid in my row called 'Scabby' he stinks like a tramp and is badly bullied. Word is he'll do anything for half a chew-it. I find out weeks later that he is Andrew. The contradiction blows my mind.


'Highways' By Joe Purdey 
Memory Four. It's the last year of GCSE's I am reeling from the fact that my parents have finally divorced. My sister is dating a psycho boxer and I am getting regularly beaten up in the street, (mostly for being small, white and confused).

I decide that talking is over rated and that it's easier to get through school if I just stop. I don't say another word for two months. On my last day a group of kids tells me that they are going to gather in the stairwell to beat me up when the bell goes. I don't even try and avoid them. I just walk right over and let them do it. After a while they get bored and I walk home.

'Hands down' by Dashboard confessional
Memory Five. I am standing with my old best friend at the top of a hill called 'Dangerous Hill' We are looking at the view of the city. In that moment we are in love with the city. We love the reality of it. The ugly beauty. This city of tiny lights is spread out in front of us like a mirror image of the milky-way. In my mind each one of those lights represents another human being, another life, another perspective on the unknowable nature of the universe.

Years later I try and skateboard down dangerous hill and bust up my ankle pretty bad. Guess I should have taken more heed of the name.

'I walked' Sufjan Stevens 
Memory Six. I am sixteen and living in rural Wales. My route home takes me past some crazy ass one-eyed farm-dogs that like to chase cars. Usually one of my step brothers is with me but today I am on my own. The dogs look at me. I look at them. They bare their teeth and growl. I decide to go around the block to avoid them. It turns out that 'Around the block' is about five miles, this is the trouble with applying urban logic to a rural problem.

'In the Offing' by Worn in Red 
Memory Seven. I am 11 years old and lying on a beach, everyone else is body-boarding later on I will have a go and realize how fun it is but right now I think it looks silly, cold and dangerous. I am next to a four month old baby who is playing with some pebbles. Just as I am drifting off into a day dream the kid picks up a rock and smashes it into my head. It doesn't break the skin but it hurts like hell huge lump comes up like in a cartoon. The baby laughs and laughs.
 
'Walkin' by My Morning Jacket
Memory Eight. I am thirty years old and I'm not happy about it. My cousin has just died in an avalanche on Ben Nevis. the dude was amazing. Pure smile, muscle and heart and now I'm off to his funeral.  There is snow all over the road and in order to get my car out I am having scrape it off the road with a shovel and lay a trail of rock salt that some guy has brought out from his house. I hate snow is a way that I never thought I would.

Goodnight. 

20: Trilogy of Pain pt. 2

Me and Matt have decided that our speaking voices have got a bit tired and have decided to start with some tribal drumming.  For those that don't speak drum... what we are saying is that we 'have many women in our tribe who are of marriageable age' but due to a cunning play on drums we are also making a topical joke about the Liberal Democrats and their 'insatiable lust for power'.

Anyway... you can hear this crime against Audio relations..

HERE

And the tracklistings are below.

'The Longer You Wait' by Fol Chen (again)
Atonal Atomic Atonement. Matt claims not to like this record but then he's god an odd perspective on life. While he is now loved by women and men alike... Matt was raised in the wild by monkeys. It's a wonder he can speak at all.

'What it is to Burn' by  Finch
Matt thought I might like this record and for the first seven seconds or so I did. Which has got to be a result for Matt really. It did however inspire the  Emo Triangle.

'Last Day of Magic' The Kills 
I thought Matt might like this reccord and for the first seven seconds or so he did. Which has got to be a result for me really. Sadly no triagles were inspired uh oh! 

'I Wanna Go Back' by Weezer
It's a well established fact that both Matt and I would gladly go back in time to re-enjoy the flower of our youth. But to be fair... on a more balanced analysis the inane teenage level of conversation would just get on our nerves, then again it really hasn't changed that much. boobs. ha ha... mmmm... she said boobs...

'I wish I was in New Orleans' by Scarlet Johansen
So many obvious jokes here that were not made. Still it was a great excuse for me to google the lovley miss Johansen. Matt didn't get it. But I like to think that the diserning listener did. That's you by the way.

'Deafening' by Far
We are in the mid point of Matt's Emo cycle at this point. It's the point where he starts to get a little agressive.

'Miserable' by Lit
In an attempt to placate him it was decided that he should be alowed two songs in a row. As a result in 2010 no-one died.

'The Well' by Bill Callahan
Yes it was too long and yes.. it did have too much swearing in it and yes it's probably not very good, but... Oh crap it I have no excuse.

Goodnight.

19: A Trilogy of Pain... (Part 1, The Ballad of Me and My Facebook Friends)

This is the first of three episodes in which Matt slips deeper and deeper into the horrific world of Emo. Luckily I'm more Elmo than Emo so it kind of balances it out. Anyway you can listen to it

HERE

At the start of the show you can hear me making references to how Clayton beat me up on air. One day you will all get to listen to that... but not today. Other things to spot durring the show are my attempts to get Matt to fill gaps in the programme by asking him about his 'Big weekend' I don't think he ever quite figures out what I'm doing.

Track Listings

'When the Man Comes Around' by Johnny Cash
My granddad went to Cambridge. He's an ex-vicar, ex-heavyweight boxer and an ex-Royal Engineer. He has shrapnel scars on his right arm and stories about invading Germany that you have to pull out of him like teeth. He used to ride through tank battles in an armoured car. He used to be the smartest, bravest and strongest man in almost any room. Now he has a three minute memory and he's pretty much all alone in the world. This song makes me think about him.

'Born on the FM Waves of the Heart' by Against Me
The heart does not produce FM Radio. Unless this is a reference to 'Heart FM' the pretend local station that is in fact syndicated from a central location with only split trails that reference your local area... (and perhaps one local show a day)  Heart FM is the living lie of Glocalization. Also a rival radio station. BCFM baby... For Ever Yo! or at least until someone offers to pay me cash money.

'Cable TV' by Fol Chen
Due to an earlier spelling mistake (now corrected) I have just started wondering what  Cabbie TV would be like.  Then stopped thinking about it very quickly as I remember conversations I've had with Cabbies.

'Radio' by Alkaline Trio
Batteries man! That's the cunning link here.
It was while this track was playing that I first had the thought... there must be something bothering Matt this week. I'm the one that's meant to play the bed-wetting music... Matt likes the HardCore Metal and Punk. Then I realised that this could have something to do with the recent change in his Facebook status...

'Uncle Remus 'by Frank Zappa
There's nothing worse than getting all dressed up and then having someone spray you down with a hose. Unless of course you are an underwear model and you happen to be shooting an advert for a perfume called 'Freedom of Joy' and there are a bunch of other models there and the whole thing doesn't last longer than forty five seconds or so.
(There's no such person as 'The Wasp-Man' it was a reference to a review of a Joe Satriani gig in which his noodling was compared to the sound of a drowning wasp) also this.

'Change Despair' by Lagwagon
Based on the classical chord sequence A G D G A-minor,  C  B-Flat-Minor A D G, D V D A... Which underpinned most of the music of the early 90's punk pop scene in Canada, this is a just another classic of the genre.

'New York is Killing Me' by Gil Scott-Heron
Gil Scott-Heron is the ultimate dream of all performance poets. He is at the top of their career pyramid. While Gil was right, and the revolution wasn't televised there was a later HBO Mini Series all about what went on. It was also all over 4chan.

'The Mallard of Me and My Friends' by Frank Turner
Every group of friends all over the world is essentially the same group of people repeated again and again. And somewhere out is space there is another planet and on that planet there they are again, striving and working and humping each other and staring at girls in bars without ever realizing that they are already married to them. That was what Hitler said. I mean, say what you like about Hitler, but he couldn't half pull a bong.

Goodnight.

PS... if you email us and you can get to us... we will let you come on the show and you can even pick your own music and everything. Just give us a reason why we should.

DannAndMatt@bcfm.org.uk

We are in Bristol, UK.